Feeling Like a Single Mom in a Two-Parent House? ‘Give It To Me Straight’ Has Thoughts

There’s a specific kind of exhaustion that doesn’t come from lack of sleep—it comes from feeling like the default parent, the project manager, the emotional support system, and the household CEO all at once. You love your kid. You love your partner. But sometimes it feels like you’re running the whole show solo while everyone else is just…assisting.

On Give It To Me Straight, hosts Alexandra Madison and Jon Bouffard—a married couple navigating life with their 4-month-old daughter Lucy—unpack what actually happens when one parent starts carrying more than their share. Parenting is a team sport, and if one person opts out, that’s not “just how it is.” That’s a problem.

Getting your feelings hurt doesn’t mean you get to check out

It usually starts small.

You correct how they hold the baby. They hear criticism.

You ask for help. They hear failure.

And suddenly, they’ve “pulled back” entirely. Now they’re conveniently busy with video games, work calls, or anything else that keeps them away from the actual parenting. And somehow, you’re supposed to be okay with that?

Jon isn’t having it. When a listener writes in about her husband withdrawing from baby duties after feeling micromanaged, his response is immediate: “You’re a f*cking grown-a** man. You don’t get to do that.”

He’s right. Hurt feelings don’t cancel responsibilities. One person pulling back doesn’t fix anything, it just shifts everything onto the other parent. The mental load, the night feeds, the logistics, the stress, the invisible work, it all stacks up on one person while the other fades out of the day-to-day. 

“That would piss me off,” Jon says. “Be like, ‘You don’t get to just leave me in the trenches by myself. It doesn’t matter. Grow the f*ck up.’” Criticism will sting, but parenting doesn’t stop just because someone’s ego took a hit.

Weaponized incompetence is real—and it’s not cute

It usually looks harmless at first. A partner who “can’t quite figure out” the dishwasher. Who somehow always packs the diaper bag wrong. Who needs step-by-step instructions for things you’ve done a thousand times. After enough mishaps, they’re unofficially retired from the task. Not because they can’t do it, but because it’s easier if you just handle it.

And yes, there’s a word for that: weaponized incompetence.

“People purposely do things wrong so that they no longer have to do those tasks. Like, ‘I am just so bad at folding her clothes, so I can’t do it.’”

According to Cleveland Clinic psychologist Susan Albers, weaponized incompetence happens when someone dodges responsibility by playing bad at things. Not because they can’t learn, but because they don’t want to. Everyone starts somewhere. But when “I’m just bad at this” never turns into “let me figure it out,” it’s not incompetence anymore. It’s outsourcing your life to your partner.

Alex points to a viral TikTok that shows how normalized this has become. A woman jokes that she went on a work trip for four days and came home to chaos: her kids’ hair untouched, no real meals, dishes piled up, the house a mess. She laughs it off like it’s a silly little mom moment.

The internet did not agree.

“People were like, ‘That’s abuse,’” Alex says. “‘Your husband is doing the actual bare minimum and he’s abusing your children and you think that’s cute?’”

When incompetence becomes a system, it stops being funny. It stops being harmless. And someone has to call it what it is.

What equal partnership looks like

So what does it look like when both partners actually show up? According to Jon and Alex, it comes down to one thing: teamwork that nobody has to ask for.

Jon walks through their nightly bath time routine as an example: “Alex goes in, turns on the water, gets that temperature just right for little Lucy. I take Lucy into the bedroom, unclothe to diaper, tickle her, say it’s bath time, do a little dance and song and dance. Bring her into the bathroom, lift her up, do my Simba thing, put her in the water. Alex takes over.”

While Alex handles shampoo, Jon preps the towel, pajamas, and diaper. They tag-team drying, lotion, and getting her dressed. Then Jon cleans the tub while Alex starts story time. Boom. Bedtime. “That’s how we don’t resent each other,” Alex explains, “because we’re both working.”

And that’s the real difference. Equal partnership doesn’t feel like one person managing the other. It feels like two adults who already know what needs to happen and just…do it.

“I just don’t understand when people don’t want to make their partners’ lives easier,” Alex says. “We both want to enjoy downtime with one another…So the quicker that you could get all this sh*t done, the quicker that you get to just enjoy each other’s time.”

Parenting isn’t a solo mission with a reluctant sidekick. You shouldn’t have to beg, remind, or emotionally manage another adult into showing up. When someone steps in without being asked, it changes the entire vibe of the relationship. Because the goal isn’t perfection. It’s not feeling alone while you’re standing in the same room.

For more insight, tune into Give It To Me Straight, streaming now wherever you get your podcasts.

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