‘Almost Adulting’ Gets Real About Why Women Aren’t Having the Sex They Deserve

If you’ve ever gone from one kiss to pants half off and thought, “Wait, I’m not ready yet,” Violet Benson and Dr. Emily Morse are talking directly to you. On Almost Adulting, the Sex With Emily host walks through why so many women feel insecure naked, rush into sex they’re not fully present for, and fake orgasms instead of asking for what they want. Porn and rom-coms taught us that penetration is the main event and that women should climax in seconds, silently looking hot the whole time. Real bodies and real nervous systems don’t work like that.

Dr. Morse pushes listeners to get familiar with their own bodies, stop performing, and start directing. “I want to say perfect is the enemy of orgasm and pleasure,” she states, and we couldn’t agree more.

‘Almost Adulting’: Women Deserve Better Sex

Why women feel insecure during sex

You can be the most confident person in your friend group and still freeze the second you’re naked in front of someone. Your brain immediately starts scanning for flaws—cellulite, scars, asymmetry, whatever. Meanwhile, as Dr. Morse jokes, the guy is usually thinking, “Oh my God, vagina.”

She explains that confidence in bed actually starts way before you’re in bed. Most women avoid looking at their bodies entirely, then expect to suddenly feel empowered when someone else is seeing everything up close. That disconnect creates insecurity. Her fix is simple but uncomfortable: exposure. “Get comfortable with being naked,” she says. Walk around your room. Stand in front of the mirror. Look at the parts you like and the parts you avoid.

How porn warps our idea of good sex

Most people’s first sex education wasn’t a class; it was porn. And Dr. Morse is blunt about how that sets everyone up for disappointment. Porn skips the entire warm-up phase and, as she puts it, “just shows pounding and going right to penetration.” No kissing, no teasing, no slow build—just instant action.

So when real life doesn’t match that script, women assume something’s wrong with them. They’re not turned on fast enough, they don’t orgasm instantly, they don’t look “perfect” when they open their legs. Benson even admits she used to worry her vagina didn’t look like the ones online, even though, as Dr. Morse reminds her, what you see in porn is camera angles, makeup, and edited bodies—not “a vagina in the wild.”

The result? Unrealistic expectations on both sides. Women rush into sex before they’re ready. Men think speed equals skill. And everyone wonders why it’s not working.

Why your body needs a slow build

Which brings us into the next topic: “women are slow cookers and men and their penises are frying pans,” Dr. Morse says. Their arousal spikes fast and visually; women need time, pressure, safety, anticipation. When partners skip the warm-up, you’re not “being difficult.” You’re just not turned on yet. “We’re not ready yet when they are because they see you and they visually have an erection,” she says. The body needs kissing, touching, teasing, undressing, and easing into sensation before it’s prepped for penetration or orgasm.

“Foreplay is not a suggestion, it’s a requirement,” Dr. Morse states. It’s the actual mechanism that gets blood flowing, nerves firing, and pleasure building instead of forcing your body to catch up. The slow build is where desire starts and good sex actually becomes possible.

Communication as a turn-on

As unsexy as it sounds in theory, talking during sex is actually one of the biggest unlocks for better pleasure. “No one knows what you like or what you want unless you ask for it,” Dr. Morse states. Your partner isn’t psychic, they’re guessing—and usually guessing based on whatever their last partner liked or whatever porn taught them.

The faster you speak up, the faster you both get somewhere good. And once you realize how much partners want to see you enjoying yourself, asking for what you want becomes a way to turn both of you on. Silence leaves everyone guessing. A little guidance turns sex into teamwork.

Reclaiming pleasure as a non-negotiable

Dr. Morse is crystal clear about one thing: women deserve pleasure, not just participation. “You get to have equal rights in the bedroom,” she says. For so many women, sex has been shaped around giving—but pleasure isn’t a bonus you earn for being easygoing or low-maintenance. That’s the whole point. She urges women to start expecting their needs to be met the same way they’d expect fairness anywhere else in life. 

Good sex can’t rely on one person doing all the adjusting while the other gets the payoff. And when a partner refuses to reciprocate—like the guy who said going down on women “is not my thing”—Dr. Morse says that’s a clear mismatch, not a project.

To get more insights on Dr. Morse and Benson’s conversation, listen to Almost Adulting wherever you get your podcasts.

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