The Happiness Hack: Why Being Right Might Be Ruining Your Life

Let’s talk about one of the biggest energy sucks: the desperate, clawing need to be right. You know the feeling—that self-righteous fire when your roommate swears she didn’t leave the bathroom light on (she totally did) or when your boyfriend insists the capital of Vermont is Montpelier, and you’re already Googling it because you just know he’s wrong. (It is Montpelier, by the way.)

But here’s the thing—being right isn’t the same as being happy. The latest episode of the Oddvice podcast laid it all out, with Alex Koot and Kristen McAtee exploring how the ego’s obsession with correctness can torpedo relationships, peace of mind, and, frankly, your ability to enjoy brunch without debating whether the restaurant is actually in Silver Lake or technically Echo Park.

The Happiness Hack: Why Being Right Might Be Ruining Your Life

The Right Fight: It’s Not Worth It

“You ever catch yourself halfway through an argument and think, ‘What the hell am I even fighting for?’ Like, girl, the stakes are literally zero,” Kristen said on the pod. And yet, there we are, bickering over how to load a dishwasher.

The Oddvice hosts aren’t alone in their wisdom. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist and author of The Dance of Anger, explains that the need to be right often comes from anxiety and insecurity. We dig our heels in because admitting we’re wrong feels like admitting we’re less than. But it’s not.

Science Supports Letting Go 

Studies back this up. Studies published  in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that participants who intentionally chose happiness over correctness in their daily interactions reported higher overall life satisfaction and lower stress levels. Shocking—people enjoyed life more when they weren’t constantly trying to one-up their partners in trivia.

Even the Gottman Institute, the gold standard for relationship research, has found that successful couples often “agree to disagree.” Dr. John Gottman’s famous “magic ratio” for happy relationships (five positive interactions for every negative one) hinges on partners letting go of petty battles and focusing on connection instead.

When Being Right Costs Joy

The podcast got real when Alex shared a story about a workout class—you know, the kind where some dude grabs the heaviest kettlebell to “prove” something. “He was literally struggling so hard, the kettlebell flew out of his hand,” she said, laughing. “And when the instructor suggested a lighter weight, he doubled down—’No, I got it.’ Like, sir. Do you? Do you ‘got it’? Because your dignity is currently rolling across the floor with that kettlebell.”

This is what the need to be right does. It takes a situation where you could laugh, learn, or let go and turns it into a battleground. You might “win” the argument, but you lose the vibe. And let’s be honest—who wants to lose the vibe?

Actionable Advice: How to Choose Being Happy Over Being Right

How do we stop ourselves from jumping into every debate like it’s the final round of a reality TV competition? Here are a few tips—straight from the Oddvice chat and backed by psychology:

• Pause and breathe: When you feel the urge to argue, take a beat. As Kristen put it, “If you’re about to snap, ask yourself: Do I want to die on this hill? Is this the hill of all hills? The Mount Everest of correctness? Or can I, like, log off and go eat a cookie instead?”
• Ask yourself: What’s my goal here? Do you want to connect, or do you want to conquer? A study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that people who prioritized connection over being right experienced more relationship satisfaction and lower cortisol levels. Yes, you can literally stress yourself out by fighting over the pronunciation of “gif.”
• Use humor: Alex nailed this one. “When my boyfriend insists he’s right, I just go, ‘Okay, Professor Know-It-All,’ and we both crack up. Argument dead. Relationship intact.” Humor disarms the ego and reminds everyone that the stakes are usually laughably low.
• Agree to disagree: Some arguments have no winner because they’re about perspective. Kristen’s take? “If you’re arguing about ‘the right way’ to do something that affects literally no one—like folding towels—congratulations, you’re officially doing too much.”
• Remember the big picture: Ask yourself: Will this matter tomorrow? Next week? Next year? Nine times out of ten, the answer is a hard no.

Real Talk: It’s About Ego, Not Truth

Ultimately, the need to be right isn’t about truth—it’s about ego. As Kristen said, “Half the time, I don’t even care about the facts—I just don’t want to feel stupid. But, like, clinging to my ‘rightness’ makes me look way dumber.”

So, the next time you’re about to pop off—whether it’s about the “right” way to pronounce acai or the exact number of times Ross and Rachel broke up—ask yourself: Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?

Choose happy. It’s cuter. Trust me.