Book Club Etiquette: Should You Expose the Chronic Faker?

Book club isn’t graduate school. It’s supposed to be fun, a little loose, and ideally paired with snacks and wine. But nothing kills the vibe faster than the person who shows up without having read a single page and still manages to dominate the conversation. Everyone in a book club has met this type: They speak with authority about plot points they never actually read, deliver well-formed takes that aren’t even theirs, and somehow always steer the discussion their way. The question is: what do you do about it?

This all-too-familiar dynamic recently got the Girls Gotta Eat treatment when hosts Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine tackled a New York Times letter about a chronic faker. The letter writer’s dilemma was as blunt as it was relatable—could she call out the member who never reads but still runs the room? Should she say something to the group? The answer, as with most etiquette dilemmas, is complicated.

The case of the borrowed takes

Let’s be clear: Not finishing the book isn’t the crime here. Life happens. Work explodes, kids get sick, or you accidentally started a Netflix series instead. The deception is what grates, and the problem is the performance that follows. The letter’s gripe was specific and damning. As Greenberg read aloud, “She’ll go on Reddit and other websites and just get hot takes from other people, and she’ll pretend she read it.”

This isn’t about quietly attending for the camaraderie. It’s about hijacking the discussion with borrowed opinions—ones the faker can’t even back up if pressed. One comment that the hosts read put it perfectly: “Of course you can go to book club without reading the book. But it seems like the issue is lying about having read it in order to take an authoritative position on it.”

Greenberg called it what it is—“weird behavior” and “dishonest behavior.” It erodes trust in the group and shifts the conversation from an exchange of genuine perspectives to a performance. And everyone can feel the difference.

Hesseltine summed up the appropriate alternative with typical frankness: “You don’t read the book and you want to show up and A, you tell people, or B, you just shut the fuck up and enjoy the evening. Hang out with your friends.”

What’s actually acceptable when you didn’t read

The occasional miss gets a pass, especially if you’re honest about it. “No one’s gonna kick you out of the book club for not reading as long as you bring wine,” Greenberg notes, capturing the grace most functional groups extend to real-life interruptions.

When you haven’t read, try: “I didn’t get to finish, but I’m curious about…” or “I only made it halfway through—did anyone else struggle with the pacing?” Honesty lands better than borrowed hot takes every time.

That mindset and approach keeps book clubs inclusive. It recognizes that the ritual matters more than perfect attendance in every chapter. You can still show up, contribute to the social energy, and make a note to actually read next month’s pick.

The patience limit

Still, there’s a line between occasional absenteeism and chronic faking. Greenberg doesn’t shy away from naming it: “If you never read the book, why are you in book club?”

Groups survive on mutual respect and shared investment. If one member repeatedly skips the reading and still insists on dominating the talk, it’s worth having a candid chat. Sometimes that means reframing the club’s purpose—is it primarily social, or is it about the book? At other times, it means acknowledging that perhaps this person would be happier joining the group for happy hour instead of the book discussion.

Hot to spot (and handle) the faker

For Hesseltine, the litmus test is simple: “If you’re gonna come in with this take that you pulled from the Internet, I’m gonna ask a follow-up question.” A faker can recite a borrowed opinion, but they usually can’t elaborate when asked to explain it.

That’s when the borrowed take collapses, and the rest of the group is left wondering why someone would go to the trouble of pretending at all. In most cases, it’s not malice—it’s insecurity. People don’t want to admit they didn’t keep up, so they overcompensate with borrowed authority. But pretending undermines the very reason book clubs exist: to share authentic reactions and discover new perspectives together.

Should you expose the chronic faker?

The Girls Gotta Eat verdict avoided a one-size-fits-all answer. If the faker’s behavior is actively ruining the experience, it may be worth addressing privately and kindly. If the rest of the group is able to roll with it, redirect the conversation, and still have a good time, calling them out might not be necessary.

Ultimately, etiquette here isn’t about punishing someone for not reading. It’s about protecting the group’s trust and the quality of the exchange. Chronic faking turns the spotlight away from genuine discussion and toward performance, which is the fastest way to make book club feel like a chore.

As Greenberg and Hesseltine make clear, book clubs work best when everyone understands the implicit social contract: show up with positive intent, contribute what you can, respect the shared experience. Sometimes that means admitting you didn’t read. But it always means bringing wine is absolutely welcome.

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