Prince Harry Wants His Dad to Call Him and More in British Royal Family News This Week

Welcome to another week of British royal family nonsense, where nothing makes sense, emotional intelligence is nonexistent, and Meghan Markle‘s jam remains front-page news. This week’s headlines bring us another made-up divorce, a yawn-worthy anniversary, Prince Harry pouring his heart out as the House of Windsor stares blankly into their emotional abyss, and Prince Archie not getting all the “happy birthday” love he deserves. 

Meghan Markle signs a card, and the monarchy crumbles (again)

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: Meghan Markle does a perfectly normal human thing—this time, sending a friend a box of jam and ice cream with a cute little note inside it—and the British media declares the end of her marriage. Why? Because she signed the card “Her Royal Highness.”

The usual suspects are suddenly foaming at the mouth, demanding King Charles immediately strip her of her Duchess of Sussex title. First of all, sit down. Second, he can’t. It requires an act of Parliament, which has never been made law. And, naturally, right behind this alleged “title stripping” comes proclamations that Harry and Meghan are divorcing, for real this time, so there! Harrumph!

Aren’t y’all exhausted yet? Meghan and Harry have been gone for years. They live in California. They’ve been married for nearly a decade and have two beautiful children, thriving careers, chickens, and central air. They are moisturized, hydrated, and unbothered. They are so far from the crusty cobblestones of Windsor Castle, you’d need a telescope to find them.

But here we are again, dragging a woman for daring to put a note inside a gift box? As iNews recently said, “The British vilification of Meghan has reached the point of parody.” 

William and Kate’s wedding anniversary falls flatter than their personalities

While tabloids whipped themselves into a frenzy over Meghan’s jam jars, Prince William and Kate Middleton quietly celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary. By quietly, I mean no one cared except The Telegraph, which turned it into a Hallmark fever dream.

Kate got a new chainsaw to celebrate the occasion because nothing says “forever” like power tools and passive-aggressive floral arrangements featuring roses (IYKYK). She also recently took up candle-making.

Let’s rewind for a moment. Meghan made beeswax candles with her buddy (and beloved Breaking Beauty guest) Daniel Martin on With Love, Meghan—her hit Netflix show—and the media called her pretentious, attention-seeking, and wasteful. The double standard is exhausting. 

Prince Harry’s heartbreaking truth: “I don’t know how much longer my father has”

And then there’s Prince Harry, who sat down with the BBC on May 2 and gave an interview so raw and honest that it made the rest of the British royal family look like marble statues at the Parthenon.

He said he was “devastated” about losing his legal battle over security in the UK. He said his father refuses to talk to him because of “this security stuff.” He admitted, “I don’t know how much longer my father has,” and added that he would “love reconciliation.”

Harry never asked King Charles to intervene. He just asked him to step aside and let the experts handle it. Instead, the Palace did what it does best: interfered behind the scenes, quietly sabotaged, and then denied responsibility. 

Harry learned that someone from the British royal family was on the security committee that stripped his protection—and it all suddenly made sense. It was never about logistics or policy. It was personal. It was punishment, or, as he called it, “a good old-fashioned establishment stitch-up.”

Charles could pick up the phone today and assign security to protect his son, daughter-in-law, and grandkids—people who’ve received real threats from real hate groups. But he doesn’t. Not because he can’t, but because he won’t.

Happy Birthday, Archie—even though the Palace forgot

And today, May 6, is Prince Archie of Sussex’s sixth birthday. You’d think the family that clutches its pearls over protocol would make the smallest gesture, right? A little social media mention? A royal “HB, kiddo” from the palace press office?

Nope. Crickets.

Not a peep from Buckingham Palace, Clarence House, or Kensington. No acknowledgement. No well-wishes. Not even a recycled birthday cake emoji. It’s one thing to have family tensions—those come with the territory. But Archie didn’t ask for any of this. He didn’t start the drama. Anyway, happy birthday, Archie!

The British royal family needs therapy, not tabloid headlines

So, to recap: Meghan’s jam gift is now an act of treason. Billy and Katie celebrated their anniversary with all the passion of a Harriet Carter ad. Harry’s out here begging for peace, asking to keep his family safe, and getting ghosted by a man whose job title includes “Defender of the Faith.” And little Archie is now six. Time flies!

See you next week for more in British royal family drama.