Entitled Kid Energy? Dr. Aliza Pressman Shares 10 Science-Backed Ways to Build Real Gratitude

Dr. Aliza Pressman knows exactly what’s on parents’ minds right now. Yes, this time of year has everyone talking about gratitude, but she keeps hearing the same fear on repeat—“I just don’t want my kids to be entitled.” 

In this solo episode of Raising Good Humans, she lays out 10 ways to shift kids away from entitlement and toward genuine appreciation, all “rooted in science with a little sprinkle of practical.”

Dr. Aliza Pressman’s Tips To Build Real Gratitude in Kids

1. Turn gratitude into a daily ‘hunt’

Pressman’s first move is simple enough to pull off in the car line. She suggests a “gratitude hunt” once a day, where parents and their kids can “hunt for something good.” That could be a flower on the way to school or a tiny moment of kindness that would otherwise disappear into the chaos. “It doesn’t need to be some deep, intense thing,” but it shows kids what it looks like when you literally stop and smell the roses.

She also loves the Rose, Bud, Thorn check-in: a good moment, something you’re looking forward to, and something that was hard. The key is that “those two things aren’t mutually exclusive, and we don’t want our kids to fake gratitude.” They’re allowed to say the day was rough and still notice that one small bright spot.

2. Stop making your kid the center of every scene

Pressman is all for delighting in your child. “Delight in your child. Let them see your eyes light up when you see them.” The tweak is not dropping every adult conversation, plan, or need the second your kid wants attention. When you treat them as the star of every moment, it quietly teaches them to expect that same treatment everywhere else. She even shares a preschool story about turning to the room for applause after every little thing because at home, “I couldn’t make a move without getting that kind of clapping and, you know, yummy, delicious support.” It didn’t turn her into a monster, but it did make her feel entitled to a reaction. Sometimes you clap. Sometimes you keep it calm and let kids do things for their own satisfaction, not for an audience.

3. Miss a game on purpose

This one stings a little, but Pressman really wants you to try it. “I want you to miss a game,” she states. Not because you’re a checked-out parent, but because you’re raising a human who can handle doing something without a cheering section every single time.

When you skip an occasional game for something you genuinely need to do, your kid learns, “yeah, it would have been nice to have my parent there, but they couldn’t be there. They had something else they had to do, and I’m ok.” That small discomfort is protective. It separates the “wonderful experience of having that love and support” from the expectation that “everybody needs to drop everything in order for this person to get love and support.”

4. Make chores non-negotiable

“If I had to pick the number one thing to really make sure that you don’t have kids that are walking through this earth entitled. Give them chores.” Yes, they’ll say they’re busy, they have a test, they’re stressed, but Pressman states this is a non-negotiable. “Kids who grow up having chores actually grow up happier people, and they definitely have a much lower risk of being entitled people because they know that they’re expected to contribute to the community of their household, and then they’ll contribute to the larger community,” Pressman says. The only catch is not redoing everything in front of them. If you immediately refold the bed or redo the dishes, they stop believing their work matters.

5. Treat rudeness as a coaching moment

At some point, even the sweetest kid drops their first eye roll. Pressman doesn’t pretend that’s shocking—“that is developmentally appropriate”—but she doesn’t want parents to ignore it either. You take a breath, stay out of shame mode, and then “respond to it.”

Her go-to line: “Hey, I want to help you out. I want you to say that again. Please do so in a different way, because the way you just did it, you know, I can’t respond to.” With younger kids, she uses a “do-over” and even turns it playful. Say it like a puppy, then a lion, then “a very sweet superhero.” The point is simple. If “get me this” keeps working, why would they stop? You’re teaching them that respectful tone is the only way to get what they need.

6. Raise the bar for how they treat other adults

Carpool and playdate etiquette might feel minor, but this is where entitlement quietly shows up. Think about the kids who bolt out of the car, leave snack wrappers everywhere, and don’t say a word to the grown-up who drove them. That’s the vibe you’re trying to avoid.

Pressman suggests setting really clear expectations before your kid hops into anyone else’s car. If there’s food, they clean up after themselves, and they always say thank you for the ride. Same goes for any adult doing them a favor—coaches, friends’ parents, grandparents. You’re basically training them to scan a situation and instinctively think, “How can I be helpful and gracious?” instead of assuming every adult is there to serve them.

7. Make gift-giving just as exciting as getting

Pressman doesn’t want to cancel holiday joy. Kids can absolutely have “the privilege of knowing that they’re gonna get fabulous holiday gifts.” Just shift the focus. Instead of you ordering everything on everyone’s list, she wants you to “enlist your kids” in giving. That might look like having them use some allowance on a sibling’s gift, scrolling Etsy together for something “really fun, affordable,” and letting them wrap it themselves. “Don’t just wrap all the presents and sign their names to it,” she adds. When they put thought into what someone else might love, they feel the “beautiful feeling that we get when we do something nice for someone else.” That’s the opposite of entitlement.

8. Ask about kindness at the end of the day

Borrowed from Psychologist and author Adam Grant and fully endorsed by Pressman, this one turns gratitude into a nightly ritual. Ask, “what was something kind that you did today?” and then add, “what did someone else do that was kind for you today?” That second question matters. It helps kids notice that “it really feels like something special when somebody was thoughtful to you.” When they can name that feeling, they’re more likely to think, “I want to do that for someone else.” The goal is to “make it a habit of noticing and appreciating when somebody does something kind for you,” so kindness and gratitude become muscle memory.

9. Build a thank-you note habit 

This one sounds old-school on purpose. “Writing thank you notes is a habit to build starting as young as toddlerhood,” Pressman points out. At age three, that might be scribbles with you writing what they dictate. Later, they take over the whole thing. Either way, you’re teaching kids that “there is an entitlement in not thanking and not truly appreciating.” 

And that appreciation can extend past grandparents and close friends. “Those appreciative moments for people who are total strangers who are doing nice things for you every single day is going to be an incredibly important way for you to distinguish privilege and entitlement,” she explains. That could be a drawing taped to the door for the UPS driver or a note for the mail carrier. 

10. Practice empathy and perspective taking everywhere

Her final tip zooms out. “You can’t really be entitled to acting if you have capacity to understand the experience of others.” Empathy is the long game. You can build it by reading books, pausing to ask how different characters feel, or on the playground, asking, “Oh, what do you think this child was feeling? Why do you think they did that?” With siblings, you can walk through what each person might be experiencing in the same moment.

She’s clear that you can’t force the feeling itself. “You can’t force a kid to feel grateful, and you can’t force a kid to feel empathy, and you can’t force a kid to feel anything.” What you can do is teach the skills, give them the behaviors to practice, and model it in your own life. Over time, a kid who can step into someone else’s shoes is far less likely to walk through the world expecting it to bend around them.

To hear the full conversation, listen to Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman wherever you get your podcasts.

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