Relationships

Carla Bezanson Has Been Heartbroken Enough to Know Why You Can’t Move On

July 27, 2026

5 Reasons You Can't Move On, According to Carla Bezanson — Death to Stock

Everyone hands you the same line after a breakup. Give it time…time heals all wounds. So you wait, and you wait, and somehow it’s eight months later and you’re still checking whether they watched your story.

On Don’t Think, Carla Bezanson isn’t buying the waiting-it-out theory. “I don’t necessarily think that’s always true,” she says. “I think there are a handful of things that can keep us stuck. And if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably done every single one of them.”

She’s been heartbroken enough times to have a list. Here are all five.

5 Reasons You Can’t Move On, According to Carla Bezanson

1. You’re not actually ready yet

Bezanson admits this one can be hard to hear. You may desperately want the pain to stop without being ready to release the person, the hope, or the imaginary version of how things could still work out. “People aren’t always choosing to stay stuck,” she says. “You’re sometimes just not ready to get unstuck.”

That can look like drafting another text, replaying your best memories, or holding onto the idea that one final conversation could change everything. Beating yourself up probably won’t make you ready any faster, but putting a little space between an urge and an action can stop you from making tonight tomorrow’s problem.

2. You keep reopening the wound

Maybe you aren’t texting them, but you’re still checking their stories. You know who they recently followed. You’ve visited their mom’s Facebook page to see whether your old holiday photo is still up.

Then there are the less obvious versions. Asking mutual friends how they’re doing. Finding a way to bring them into every conversation. Repeating the breakup story so often that it becomes the most rehearsed part of your week. “There’s nothing wrong with venting,” Bezanson says. “But at a certain point, if you really want the wound to heal, you have to stop poking it.”

@carlabezanson Thank u actually. Needed that #friendship #relatable ♬ original sound – 🧁 snarly carly

3. You’ve turned thinking about them into a habit

Rumination can feel productive because your brain is busy. You reread messages, replay the final conversation, and search for the exact moment everything changed. At night, you start directing the alternate ending where they finally realize what they lost. The problem is that your brain is trying to solve something that no longer has an answer.

Bezanson compares it to an algorithm. Whatever you keep clicking on, you’ll keep seeing. “If you see a video on your For You page on TikTok and you don’t like it, but you comment, ‘I hate this,’ you’re still telling the algorithm you want to see more of that content because you’ve engaged with it,” she says. “It’s the same with your brain.”

When she caught herself slipping into the same thoughts after a breakup, she started interrupting them. She would get up, walk, clean something, or call someone. The replacement didn’t need to be life-changing. It only needed to break the loop.

4. You think missing them means you need them back

Missing someone can feel urgent. Your chest tightens, your stomach drops, and suddenly texting them seems like the only reasonable way to make the feeling stop. Bezanson learned that missing someone doesn’t automatically require a response. “Not every feeling or urge or thought is an emergency that you need to immediately act on,” she says. “Missing somebody can just be a feeling that you notice and you sit with.”

You may be grieving the person, but you may also miss the routine, the attention, or the future you pictured. None of that proves getting back together would improve your life. This is often when the hunt for “closure” begins. You convince yourself that one honest conversation will finally give you the answer that frees you. The trouble is, you’ve probably already written the conversation in your head, and the real person is unlikely to follow your script.

“The closure conversation just reopens the wound,” Bezanson says. “It just invites more questions.” Sometimes closure is accepting that you will never receive an explanation that makes the ending feel fair.

5. You think moving on means never thinking about them again

A random memory doesn’t erase your progress. Neither does missing someone six months later or wondering how they’re doing after a year of barely thinking about them. “You might think about someone occasionally for the rest of your life,” Bezanson says. “Moving on does not mean forgetting.”

Healing rarely moves in a straight line. You can feel fine for months, hear one song, and briefly end up right back in an old version of your life. The difference is that the thought eventually stops ruining your entire day.

Instead of missing them so intensely that you feel sick, you may think, “I hope they’re doing well,” and continue folding laundry. Their name becomes a memory instead of an emergency.

“There’s no finish line to moving on,” Bezanson says. “You don’t just forget one day. It’s just that it gets easier.”

Want to hear the full conversation? Listen to Don’t Think, available wherever you get your podcasts.