Why You Should Schedule ‘Cry Appointments’—According To ‘Coming In Hot’

You can’t remember the last time you actually cried. Or maybe you cried yesterday and someone told you to “calm down” or that you were “being dramatic.” Either way, you’ve absorbed the message loud and clear—crying equals weakness, attention-seeking, too much. But what if literally everything you’ve been taught about tears is not just wrong, but making you sick? 

On Coming In Hot, host Caroline Baudino sits down with MJ Renshaw, breathwork facilitator and author of How to Cry, to unpack why suppressing emotions is simply not the flex you think it is—and how letting yourself cry might be the healthiest thing you do all week.

Why You Need to Cry More

The ‘stay strong’ generation created the numb generation

There’s a good chance you grew up hearing some version of what Baudino heard from her mom after her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend in high school. Hysterical, betrayed, completely devastated—and her mom’s response? “You get one day to cry. You get one day to feel it. Get over it and move on.” It’s the thinking that trains your brain to treat emotions like a problem to fix instead of something to feel.

“We are programmed to be robots,” Baudino explains. “You’re too emotional, you’re too much. I had one tear and somebody was like you’re overreacting.” It’s the cultural training many of us received…and now we’re living with the fallout: adults who can’t access their emotions or feel guilty when they do.

Renshaw experienced this firsthand. “I had a lot of people around me telling me I was too dramatic, too sensitive, that I was overreacting, and that was just from me crying,” she shares. But crying is a normal physiological process. Think about it this way—if you sneezed, nobody would tell you that you’re overreacting. So why do we treat tears like a character flaw?

Suppressing emotions is literally as toxic as smoking

When Renshaw started researching the health impacts of emotional suppression, she discovered something that changed her entire perspective: “If you hold in your emotions, if you hold back a cry, you increase your cortisol.” For those in the dark, cortisol is your stress hormone, and chronically elevated levels are toxic to your body. 

Over time, that constant drip of stress chemistry takes a real toll—on your immune system, your heart, even your lifespan. According to Renshaw, suppressing emotions increases your disease risk by about 35 percent. “It’s comparable to smoking,” she states.

But the science gets even more interesting when you look at what’s actually in your tears. Different types of crying release different chemicals. Tears from physical pain release endorphins, which help alleviate pain. Emotional tears release oxytocin, the hormone that fosters connection. “This is your body’s white flag,” Renshaw explains. “You’re trying to say, I don’t want to fight with you. I feel sad. I just want to connect with you.”

And here’s the kicker: “When we cry, there’s actual stress hormone in your tears.” That’s why you feel lighter after a good cry. You’ve literally released stress through your tear ducts. The weight-off-your-shoulders feeling isn’t metaphorical—you’ve physically expelled cortisol from your body.

Schedule cry appointments 

Scheduling cry appointments is actually a form of self-care. Renshaw does it. Every few days, she runs a bath, puts on wholesome TikToks about animals reuniting with their owners, and lets herself ugly cry. She calls these “cry appointments.”

Sounds ridiculous, maybe. But it works because you’re using art—music, movies, videos—to trigger what’s already there. “All art is an attempt to evoke a feeling,” Renshaw explains. You’re not manufacturing fake emotions; you’re just permitting yourself to release what’s been building up. That song that reminds you of your dad. That movie scene that hits too close to home. Those rescue dog videos that make your chest tighten. Use them.

And crying isn’t the only nervous-system release worth scheduling. Renshaw swears by what she jokingly calls the orgasm-and-cry combo—because both trigger oxytocin, the same connection hormone found in emotional tears. “When you have one, you release so much stress,” she says. “For women, we release oxytocin, and I feel so connected with my husband afterwards.” And yes, she adds, it works solo too. The point isn’t the partner, but the physiological reset.

Not feeling weepy or sexy? Try movement. “When my house is in chaos, everybody’s stressed, the kids are crying, my husband’s walking around rubbing his temples, we put on ABBA and have a mandatory family dance party,” Renshaw says. Movement shakes loose what words or tears can’t. You don’t need a $200 wellness retreat or a 5 a.m. meditation practice that feels like homework. Put on a song and get up and move your body.

The rule of thumb is to follow pleasure, not punishment. Let the sun hit your face, dance barefoot in your kitchen, or cry in the bath to dog TikToks. Healing doesn’t have to look serious to be real.

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