Dating App Red Flags That Scream ‘Run,’ According to Jaci Smith and Chelsey Curtis

You know that moment when the check hits the table and your date suddenly finds the ceiling fascinating? Or when a stranger on an app suggests a night hike for your very first meetup? We’ve all been there—one second you’re swiping with optimism, the next you’re wishing you had a quick exit strategy and a safer ride home.

On What We Said, best friends and cohosts Jaci Marie Smith and Chelsey Jade Curtis dive into listener-submitted dating app horror stories to spot the red flags they think everyone should recognize instantly.

They pick an expensive place but conveniently “forget” their wallet

A charming guy from New Zealand asks you to a fancy Italian restaurant, orders wine, picks out dishes—the whole nine yards. The bill comes to hundreds of dollars, and suddenly he’s developed selective blindness to the check sitting right in front of him. As one listener discovered, some men have turned freeloading into an art form.

“You asked me, you pick the place, you are paying 100 percent. That’s just the way it works,” Curtis declares, and honestly, louder for the people in the back. If someone suggests a pricey spot but expects you to cover it, they’re either completely clueless about dating etiquette or—more likely—running a scam. According to the Federal Trade Commission, nearly 70,000 people reported being victims of romance scams in 2022. Sometimes it starts small, like dinner. Other times it escalates into fake emergencies or pressure for money.

The move: Don’t argue, don’t over-explain. When the server comes, say, “Can you split this?” Pay for yourself and leave. You cover your half, protect your boundaries, and save yourself from a second date that’s almost guaranteed to be worse.

They have zero respect for boundaries 

Some red flags are subtle,others involve literal theft of your underwear. One listener shared the stomach-churning story of a guy who, after an awkward encounter, texted her saying he’d taken her underwear and would “give it back next time,” with a winky face. 

“You do not take things that don’t belong to you without asking. And how old are we?” Smith responds with the appropriate level of horror. “Send the police immediately.” This isn’t just weird or quirky behavior. It’s a massive violation that screams future stalker tendencies. Anyone who thinks stealing intimate items is cute or playful fundamentally doesn’t understand consent or boundaries. 

Their idea of small talk involves murder fantasies

We all have hobbies, but when someone’s passionate about showing you their collection of “creepy murder drawings in black and white ink” featuring “fights, war with splashes of red, or trippy drawings with demonic undertones,” it’s time to peace out. One listener found herself trapped in a car while her date enthusiastically shared his violent artwork and explained his desire to become “as animalistic and carnivorous a human man can be.”

This wasn’t someone with alternative artistic interests. This was someone whose entire personality revolved around violence and predatory behavior. Normal people don’t lead with murder fantasies on first dates. They also don’t spend dinner explaining how they want to become more “animalistic” while staring at you barely blinking. When even the restaurant server notices something’s wrong and offers to help you escape, that should tell you everything.

Trust your instincts when someone’s interests consistently lean toward the dark or disturbing. Make an excuse about feeling sick, needing to check on a friend, or having an early morning. Leave immediately and don’t worry about being rude. 

They have explosive reactions to the word “no”

Healthy people can handle rejection; dangerous people can’t. One listener learned that the hard way when she said no to becoming someone’s girlfriend on their third date—and he responded by driving her to the woods and leaving her there in the dark.

“Who do you think you are? Trying to teach me a lesson or something?” Smith says, summing up the absurdity of using abandonment as punishment. “It’s like they have a scare kink, like they want to terrify you literally.”

Pay attention to how someone reacts when you set any boundary, even small ones. Do they respect it gracefully or do they push back, guilt trip, or get angry? Anyone who responds to normal boundaries with rage, manipulation, or punishment is showing you exactly who they are. Take note and get out before the tantrums escalate into something even more dangerous.

They’re obsessed with isolating you

When someone keeps pitching “just us” plans in places where no one can help you, that’s not romantic—that’s control. “He immediately texts me saying he wants to see me again and go on a night hike,” one listener said about her carnivore-diet date. Without skipping a beat, Curtis replies, “There’s nothing I’d want to do less…even with the love of my life.”

Genuinely interested people suggest coffee, lunch, or drinks somewhere you can actually talk and get to know each other. People with bad intentions push for long hiking trails, secluded beaches, or anywhere your cell service disappears. They want you in a spot that’s hard to leave and where no one can hear you if things go wrong.If someone resists your suggestion to meet in public, that’s your answer. Good people want you to feel safe. Sketchy ones will call you “paranoid” or “dramatic” for choosing a normal restaurant like a normal person. Until you trust the person, drive yourself, pick the spot, and don’t apologize for prioritizing your safety. 

Trust your gut

Don’t let these horror stories scare you off dating altogether. Most people aren’t out here plotting night hikes or stealing underwear. But keeping your radar up means you can spot the ones who are and bounce early. The right person will respect your boundaries, split the check without drama, and suggest a spot where you feel comfortable.

Until then, protect your peace—meet in public, share your location with a friend, and never apologize for putting your safety first. If someone makes you feel some type of way for doing the bare minimum, they’ve already failed the vibe check. The green flags are simple: respect, effort, and consistency.

For more stories, you can catch the full conversation on What We Said, available now wherever you get your podcasts.

Read Next

• 7 Dating Questions to Ask the Next Time You Feel Like Giving Up
• Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger Shares Why Every Woman Needs a 3-Person Dating Roster
• What to Do on a Rainy Day at Home: Making the Most of It