The Dating Detectives Expose the Dangerous Gap Between #CoupleGoals and Reality

Instagram pictures of lavish trips, surprise flowers, and romantic dinners all seem very “couple goals.” But as The Dating Detectives with Mackenzie Fultz and Hanna Anderson reveals, sometimes those posts are less about love and more about image control. 

Listener Scarlett joins the show to share her story, which at first looked like a rom-com brought to life. A charming man swept her off her feet with grand gestures, Vegas vacations, and constant attention. But what seemed enviable online was masking a much darker reality offline. Rather than documenting their relationship, social media became one of his tools to pressure, control, and even humiliate her. 

Couple Goals: Can Social Media Oversharing Signal Control Issues?

When the “perfect boyfriend” starts curating the story for everyone else 

From the start, Scarlett noticed how eager her partner was to show off their relationship online. She was particularly sensitive to his behavior as she’d just come out of an abusive relationship and was starting to adjust to her newfound independence. “He starts posting everything on Facebook,” she recalls. “He’s taking pictures of me all the time and posting everything on Facebook, and we start to get this Facebook fan following.” 

The constant stream of posts turned their lives into a spectacle. As Scarlett explains, “These people are just rooting for our relationship and just super excited every time he posts. Yeah. Couple goals.” 

On the surface, it looked like the ultimate compliment. In reality, the pressure was mounting—because those posts weren’t about celebrating her, they were about claiming her. 

The public proposal that crossed the line

The defining moment came on a cruise, which Scarlett thought was meant as a romantic getaway. Instead, she found herself blindsided when her partner made their private life very public without her consent. “He posted a picture of me on the balcony of our room with the ocean and the sunset in the background. And he said something about how he was going to ask me for my hand,” she says of the caption.

That post wasn’t just for strangers on the internet—it was for her children, her family, and her friends, all of whom could see it, and all of whom were unaware of what was going on. Scarlett remembers her reaction: “I see the post and my kids are friends on Facebook and I’m like, oh my God, you cannot do that.”

He brushed it off as a joke, but the damage was done. To her, a proposal—even a fake one—isn’t content. It was something to be discussed, and agreed upon, beforehand and as a family. By announcing his intentions (genuine or not) to the world without her consent, he shifted the power dynamic and made her feel trapped.

From attention to control

The cruise post was only one piece of the puzzle. Scarlett began noticing other ways he was tightening his grip. He showed up at her job uninvited… with flowers. He insisted on filling her car with gas because “women shouldn’t do those things.” And he began questioning her texts and calls, driving her to every appointment, and keeping tabs on her whereabouts at all times.

On the outside, it appeared to be devotion. On the inside, it felt suffocating. What her friends saw as “sweet” was, in reality, surveillance dressed up as love. 

The reality behind “couple goals”

Scarlett’s breaking point came after months of mounting pressure. The man who once appeared to be her knight in shining armor had become overbearing, jealous, and manipulative. The more he used social media to paint a picture of their “perfect” relationship, the more Scarlett realized she had lost her voice in her own story. 

She chose to end the relationship and reclaim her independence—a decision that was anything but easy, but one that ultimately gave her back her freedom. Today, she is happily married, and this experience is far behind her. But she learned that control doesn’t always look like shouting or threats; sometimes, it’s curated photos, constant updates, and a narrative that isn’t yours. 

Social media has a way of blurring the line between romance and performance. Scarlett’s story illustrates how quickly the pressure to appear picture-perfect can escalate into something far more perilous. As Fultz notes in the episode, “Life is amazing and we should go out and live it and not let our fears hold us down. But that doesn’t mean we can’t double-check.” 

The next time a “couple goals” post makes you feel like you’re missing out, remember Scarlett. Behind the highlight reel, love should feel like safety—not strategy.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit thehotline.org for confidential, 24/7 support. 

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