Erin Lichy on Why Financial Betrayal Hurts as Much as Cheating—and How She and Abe Worked Through It

When The Real Housewives of New York star and Come Together podcast co-host, Erin Lichy, joined Scheananigans with Scheana Shay, the conversation didn’t go where most Bravo viewers might expect. Yes, there was talk of BravoCon, motherhood, and her book She’s a Host. However, one of the most meaningful moments came when Lichy opened up about something many couples experience but rarely discuss openly: financial betrayal in marriage.

Lichy’s experience shows the importance of open communication in relationships. She explains that trust in a relationship can unravel in private conversations about money, particularly when one partner makes significant financial decisions without the other. This insight can help enlighten and inform others about the potential pitfalls of financial secrecy.

Financial betrayal can hurt like infidelity

Lichy discusses discovering that her husband, Abe, had made a significant financial decision without including her in the process. She explains that the impact wasn’t about the money being spent, but about the trust being shattered.

She says that when the situation came to light, she reacted with frustration and distance—a reaction that showed up on camera before the audience understood the context. Abe was actually the one who acknowledged that it needed to be discussed honestly. According to Lichy, “He looked at me later and said no one is going to understand why I am being cold unless we explain what happened.”

Lichy explains that she was surprised to find she wasn’t alone. “So many women reached out to me and said they had done the same thing, or their partner had,” she says. “People are scared to have these conversations about money.”

Speaking it out loud matters

Financial decisions in partnerships can come with pressure, fear, and, sometimes, embarrassment. As Lichy puts it, “Finances are a scary thing, and sometimes people want to make it go away without anyone knowing.”

Discussing the issue on camera provided clarity for both of them. It compelled them to articulate their feelings and perspectives, which led to a deeper understanding of each other’s viewpoints. She recalls that once Abe decided he was willing to address it on the show, everything shifted. “He said, ‘let’s just clear the air,’” she says.

The conversation also reframed how viewers saw Erin’s tone at the start of the season. What read as shortness or emotional distance now made sense in context, because the root of Erin’s pain became clear. And when pain gets named, it loses its power.

Rebuilding is practical

What makes Lichy’s perspective refreshing is that she doesn’t romanticize the healing process. She doesn’t suggest that forgiveness just happens with time. She breaks it down to logistics—the same way she approaches her household, her book tour, and her life with four kids.

For example, she and Abe now share schedules, streamline decision-making, and prioritize discussing things before they become a problem. They have also set up a joint account for shared expenses and agreed on a budget for personal spending. When it comes to everything from meals to childcare to finances, she says, “Make your life easier with systems and schedules. Just make your own life easier.”

Financial secrecy can feel personal, and silent decisions can feel like rejection. But repairing a fractured relationship requires honesty, not punishment. And repair is possible when both partners are committed to positive growth.

To hear the conversation in full—including the moments that are warm, funny, self-aware, and deeply recognizable—listen to Scheananigans with Scheana Shay wherever you get your podcasts.

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