Parenting

10 Simple, Science-Backed Ways To Feel More Connected to Your Child, According to ‘Raising Good Humans’

November 5, 2025

Little girl holding flowers — Photo by Ebony Forsyth

For Dr. Aliza Pressman, connection is the foundation of a child’s wellbeing. On Raising Good Humans, she explains how relationships and bonds shape how kids handle stress, build confidence, and learn to trust.

In the solo episode, Pressman reminds listeners that close relationships don’t require perfection or constant positivity. They’re built in the small moments—the way you listen, the tone you use, and how you recover when things go sideways. “Connection is a practice,” Pressman notes. You’ll mess up, you’ll repair, and you’ll keep showing up. And that’s the point. Because “your brain and your child’s brain are designed for relationships.”

‘Raising Good Humans’: 10 Ways Get Closer to Your Kid

Here are her 10 evidence-based ways to strengthen that bond—simple, science-backed shifts that make a big difference over time.

Emotional co-regulation

“The first thing is to practice emotional co-regulation,” Pressman says. When kids are upset, your calm is the cue their body needs to settle. She points to research from Dr. Dan Siegel showing that our nervous systems actually sync with the people we’re closest to, meaning your regulated presence helps your child’s brain feel safe enough to regulate, too.

Pressman suggests using the STOP method: “You take a breath, you observe your child’s emotional state. And you proceed with calm presence.” Think of it as lending your nervous system to theirs—mirroring their intensity just enough to meet them where they are, then slowly bringing the energy down. Even small adjustments—lowering your voice, slowing your tone—send a biological message that everything’s okay.

Serve and return interactions

Next, Pressman highlights what researchers call “serve and return interactions.” It’s the back-and-forth exchange that literally builds your child’s brain. She describes it like a game of ping-pong: your child “serves” with a smile, a sound, or a question, and you “return” by responding in kind.

This rhythm helps kids develop language, social skills, and trust. For parents, it’s also a reminder to put the phone down and match your child’s communication style, whether that’s a toddler’s giggle or a teen’s low-key tone. And while Pressman notes you don’t need to “count” interactions, she shares a useful mindset: aim for a “5 to 1 ratio” of positive moments to corrections.

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Create predictable rituals and routines

Routines aren’t boring—they’re soothing. “Predictability reduces cortisol, which is the stress hormone, and it allows our brain to focus on connection instead of survival,” Pressman says. Familiar rhythms, such as pancake Sundays, bedtime songs, or family game nights, help kids feel grounded and safe enough to connect. “Families that have consistent rituals have children with better emotion regulation and stronger family bonds,” she explains. Pressman even suggests “micro rituals,” like a special handshake, a goodnight phrase, or a quick morning hug before school. For little kids, you can also add “transition objects and phrases that signal that something is happening,” like a short song before bath time.

Practice authentic vulnerability

“Parents who share age appropriate struggles actually raise more resilient kids,” Pressman says. “You might admit mistakes and model repair. You know, I raised my voice. That was not OK. I’m so sorry. I’m working on that.” Showing your child that adults make mistakes, take responsibility, and move forward teaches emotional courage far better than pretending to have it all together. Pressman also encourages letting kids see small glimpses of your humanness, like saying, “I had a really frustrating day at work. This is my problem to solve. This is not your problem. I just was letting you know in case I seem a little distracted.” When done thoughtfully, it builds trust and empathy—your child learns that feelings don’t have to be hidden or feared.

Don’t underestimate the power of physical touch

Pressman says that physical touch is not to be underestimated in relationships. Safe, affectionate touch releases oxytocin, lowers cortisol, and helps regulate stress for both parent and child. Even something as simple as placing your hand on your heart while taking a breath can send a signal of safety to your nervous system. “Children who receive regular affectionate touch have better stress regulation and stronger immune systems long term,” she explains. Pressman even jokes about her own household’s “oxytocin time,” a daily 20-second hug that her kids lovingly tease her about.

Implement mindful listening

How you listen matters just as much as what you say. Pressman emphasizes the power of mindful listening, referencing Dr. Siegel’s COAL method, which stands for “curious, open, accepting, loving,” as a way to ground yourself before engaging. It’s simple but transformative: put devices away, focus on your child’s words, and resist the urge to fix or correct. Instead, reflect what you’ve heard—”I think what you’re trying to say is…”—so they feel genuinely understood.

Foster shared joy and laughter

Few things bond people faster than laughing together, and Pressman says it’s one of the most underrated tools for connection. She encourages families to create space for inside jokes and silly moments that become part of your family’s lore. “Being able to enjoy shared laughter is free,” she says, noting that these small moments add up. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve chosen the path of humor instead of snapping back, and I’ve never regretted it.”

Have room for their own unique expression

One of the strongest ways to build connection is by giving kids space to be themselves. “Letting kids and anyone in your life have room for their own unique expression” tells them they’re valued for exactly who they are, not who you want them to be. Pressman cites research on autonomy support, which indicates that when children feel agency and freedom within established boundaries, they develop better mental health and stronger family ties. Pressman also notes that celebrating differences, especially as kids become teens or young adults, helps keep communication open. You don’t have to agree with everything; curiosity is enough.

Repair and reconnection

No relationship is conflict-free, but what matters most is what happens after. When things get tense, take ownership, name what happened, and find your way back to each other. “Think of the 24-hour rule,” Pressman says, meaning don’t let a full day pass without making an effort to reconnect. “Successful repair attempts are so much more important than avoiding conflict,” she explains.

Modeling this process teaches kids that love doesn’t disappear when things get messy—it expands to hold the challenging moments too. And as Pressman reminds listeners, forgiveness also has to be mutual. “It doesn’t work to focus on rupture and repair if you don’t forgive yourself and move forward yourself.”

Cultivate gratitude and appreciation

If there’s one simple practice that can shift the energy in a home, Pressman says it’s gratitude. “Practicing gratitude rewires the brain for connection and positivity,” she explains. Families who regularly express appreciation tend to communicate more effectively and feel a greater emotional connection. It doesn’t have to be formal or forced. “Name one thing that you appreciate about each person that you love in your family,” Pressman suggests. Even the tiniest acknowledgments count: “I loved how you fed the dog today,” or “thanks for making me laugh at dinner.” You can also make it visual by using a shared gratitude jar or posting sticky notes around the house. “It’s getting into the habit of not only noticing when you appreciate someone or something, but being very active and explicit about when you do,” Pressman says.