Relationships

‘Girls Gotta Eat’ Explores Fawning: The People-Pleasing Trauma Response You’ve Probably Never Heard Of

September 16, 2025

When we think about trauma responses, the classics come to mind—fight, flight, or freeze. But as Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine explore on Girls Gotta Eat, there’s another reaction worth paying attention to: fawning.

Joined by author and psychologist Ingrid Clayton, PhD, the hosts explore the concept of responding to stress through people-pleasing and why many of us can relate to this behavior.

The conversation shines light on the lesser-known survival tactics that can quietly shape our relationships and daily lives. From there, the conversation expands into what makes fawning different, why it often goes unnoticed, and how to recognize it in your own life.

What fawning actually looks like

Fawning isn’t always easy to identify because it often hides in plain sight. Unlike fight or flight, which are outwardly visible, fawning can look like being agreeable, accommodating, or endlessly “nice.” It’s smoothing things over before conflict has a chance to begin.

In real life, this can look like saying yes when you want to say no, apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, laughing off comments that hurt you, or over-explaining yourself to keep the peace. As Clayton explains, the reason fawning resonates with so many is because it’s a form of self-protection. When faced with potential danger or rejection, pleasing others can feel safer than standing your ground or walking away. “We’re talking about fawning as a trauma response,” she says, underlining that this pattern is rooted in survival.

People tend to develop this response early in environments where conflict feels dangerous or unpredictable. For example, a child raised in a home with volatile parents may learn that the quickest way to avoid blowups is to stay agreeable and compliant. As adults, those same patterns can spill into friendships and romantic relationships, making it difficult to set boundaries or feel comfortable expressing anger.

Why people-pleasing feels familiar

The tricky part is that fawning often gets praised on the surface—but underneath, it can leave you feeling resentful, unseen, or disconnected from your true self. That’s why recognizing this response matters. Awareness opens the door to healthier boundaries, more authentic relationships, and the confidence to stop shrinking yourself for the sake of others.

The conversation doesn’t stop at definitions. Greenberg and Hesseltine create space for listeners to recognize themselves in the description. The reality is that many women are conditioned early to prioritize harmony over honesty. That makes it all too easy for fawning to become second nature.

Clayton notes how difficult it can be to break the cycle when it feels like the safest option. This insight lands especially hard when you think about the number of times we apologize unnecessarily, go along with plans we don’t enjoy, or silence ourselves to keep the peace. Those small moments add up, and recognizing them is the first step toward something healthier.

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How awareness can shift relationships

Greenberg and Hesseltine balance Clayton’s expertise with their trademark humor, which keeps the conversation from ever feeling heavy. At one point, after diving deep into personal stories, Hesseltine laughs, “This is an episode about your fucked up family, people.”

Everyone has coping mechanisms, and everyone has family dynamics that can bring them to the surface. For anyone who has ever felt stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing, this episode is a must-listen. It’s not about quick fixes or guilt trips—it’s about awareness, compassion, and a reminder that we all deserve to feel safe being ourselves.