7 Friendship Red Flags Two Podcasters Say Are Completely Unforgivable

Everyone has that one friend who did something that technically wasn’t illegal but permanently changed the way you look at them. On Good Guys, hosts Josh Peck and Ben Soffer get into the friendship icks that cross the line from annoying to absolutely unforgivable, and every single one is the kind of thing that sounds minor until it happens to you. Here’s what made the list.

Leaving after a 5-minute grace period

When Soffer was 22, he was supposed to meet a friend in New Jersey at 12:30. He got stuck in city traffic and arrived at 12:35. The friend had already left. “I said, ‘I’m running five minutes late, stuck in traffic.’ He left,” Soffer says. They didn’t speak for five years. They’re friends again now, but the principle stands—there is always more than a five-minute grace period, especially in traffic.

Not returning a favor that costs you nothing

Peck has done a certain person’s podcast multiple times. When he asked them to come on his show, twice, both times the answer was “I’m not doing pods this month.” This person has no kids, no scheduling conflicts, nothing. “I was like, this is unacceptable,” Peck says. “And I don’t think there’s malice in it. It’s that I can’t be friends with someone so helpless.” 

Not driving you home when it’s on the way

The bar for being a good friend is literally on the ground and some people still trip over it. Soffer talks about the friend who drives straight to their own house after a group trip and makes everyone else figure out how to get home. “It’s f*cking raining. You can’t drive me home. Are you f*cking crazy?” he says. An extra 13 blocks. That’s all it would take. But instead you’re standing in the rain ordering an Uber because someone couldn’t be bothered to make one tiny detour for you. 

How they treat their partner and kids when nobody’s watching

“A friendship ruiner for me could literally just be your discourse, not even with me, but with other people,” Soffer says. How someone talks to their wife at dinner. How they are with their kids when they think no one is paying attention. “I don’t want to be associated with you if you’re going to be like that to her or to your child,” he says. Peck feels the exact same way. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, but if the way you treat your family makes other people uncomfortable, don’t be surprised when those people slowly stop showing up.

Treating service workers like they’re invisible

The dismissive “thank you so much” without ever looking up from your phone. Both hosts hate it. “Look at them in the face,” Peck says. “They have a tone for people of service and I’m like, dog, f*ck out of here with that tone.” He adds that complimenting people, especially on things like their nails, costs you absolutely nothing. “Especially when they’re long and pretty,” Soffer adds. Being kind to strangers isn’t chivalry. It’s the bare minimum.

Going nuclear over something small

Peck had a close friend blow up on him, threatening to beat him up over something minor. They’re cool again but the relationship has a permanent ceiling now. “I’ll never be vulnerable or intimate with that person ever again,” he says. “I never want to get close enough to where there’s a chance of him blowing up at me like that again.” Soffer fully agrees. “100 percent,” he says. Because as Peck puts it, “You cannot go nuclear because the fallout, the radiation you spew, it might kill half the village.” Some things you just can’t unsay.

Being self-absorbed with zero awareness of it

When Peck and Soffer zoom out, it all comes down to the same thing. “Are you an egomaniac? Are you self-absorbed? And do you not have any self-awareness?” Soffer says. “Those are the biggest red flags with me. Do you not see the way that you treat others?” 

The small stuff reveals the big stuff. Always has, always will.

Listen to the full episode on Good Guys with Josh Peck and Ben Soffer, available wherever you listen to podcasts.

For more tips on how to spot the red flags, see our post “10 Red Flags in Friendship You Should Never Ignore.”

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