Health & Wellness

Nicole Walters Thinks High-Achieving Women Have Forgotten How to Rest

May 20, 2026

women tossing her hair in the wind — Image: De Alencar

Some women make a scene over their burnout. Others quietly tackle a to-do list miles long, overcommit, support everyone around them, then fall apart in the grocery store parking lot before putting on a brave face for their family.

On a recent episode of the Tell Me More Podcast, Nicole Walters sits down with licensed therapist and researcher Dr. Phebe Brako to unpack why so many high-achieving women (especially immigrant and first-generation women) struggle to slow down without feeling guilt or shame.

Beneath the burnout, the pressure, and the overachieving was one question neither woman could shake: “Who is this for?”

Why rest feels so uncomfortable

“I don’t think we have an understanding of what rest is,” Brako says.

Somewhere along the way, a lot of women learned how to rest physically without ever mentally clocking out. A vacation becomes planning everyone else’s itinerary. A Saturday off turns into errands, laundry, catching up on work, and answering texts you ignored all week. Even self-care starts feeling like another task to complete correctly. Many women no longer feel comfortable existing without being useful to someone.

Brako jokes about women refusing to replace “the same three favorite bras with the wire poking you” while instantly paying for everyone else’s needs first. Which is funny because it’s probably true for most of us. Exhaustion has stopped feeling like a warning sign and is just…normal.

High achievement can start feeling like survival

For many immigrant and first-generation women, success is tied to far more than personal ambition, Brako notes. There’s family pressure, financial responsibility, community expectations, and the lingering feeling that everything you’ve worked so hard for could disappear if you stop doing the most.

“You are, you’re in a position where you’re having to prove yourself over and over again,” she says. And that pressure shows up everywhere, from career choices to burnout, to the inability to fully relax even after reaching major milestones. We’re constantly looking for the next thing.

At one point, Brako recalls finishing her PhD only for her father to immediately ask what came next. “I haven’t even made it out of this robe yet,” she remembered thinking. We become so focused on staying valuable that achievement starts to feel less like fulfillment and more like protection.

Is it all a performance?

“Who is this for?”

Brako encourages listeners to ask themselves that question constantly—about careers, relationships, major life decisions, literally everything.

And while you’re analyzing that, ask yourself another important one: “Am I performing for somebody?”

Walters reflects on how easy it is to build a life around proving yourself without realizing it. A better job, bigger house, another accomplishment…another thing to validate your worth to family members, peers, or even a younger version of yourself.

But, Brako asks, “Are we actually allowing them to truly witness us?” Because for many high-achieving women, being admired and being truly known are two very different things.

To hear the full conversation, listen to Tell Me More wherever you get your podcasts.