How to Build Self-Confidence and Overcome Self-Doubt

Building self-confidence is one of the most important things you can do for yourself—no questions asked. This isn’t just about being the loudest person in the room or never feeling insecure again. Instead, confidence reflects in how you approach challenges, interact with others, and view yourself internally. In other words, it affects basically every area of your life.

But people still have 2 common questions on this topic, and that’s “Can I even build self-confidence? And where do I start?”

Bryony Deery from Beyond the Mat has become a trusted voice in this space for her refreshingly honest approach, practical hacks, and interviews with some of the world’s most inspirational thought leaders. She reminds us that confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you develop over time. And even better? All you need is the right strategy. 

In this post, we’re exploring how to build self-confidence and ditch self-doubt. We’ll tell you what this skill looks like, why it’s important, and how you can begin learning it today. Turn on Bryony’s episode about tuning into your inner power, and let’s start showing up for ourselves a little differently.

How to Build Self-Confidence and Overcome Self-Doubt

Of course, learning how to build self-confidence is important for feeling like the best, most powerful version of you. But honestly, the benefits extend far beyond that. It can improve your decision-making, communication skills, resilience, and emotional well-being. (Cue: “Happiness, Stress, and Finding Resilience with Mo Gawdat & Alice Law.”)

And we can’t say this enough: confidence is rarely about becoming fearless or eliminating self-doubt. We’re human—these things show up regardless. In fact, we talked all about this in our post, “How to Deal with Negative Thoughts!” Instead, it comes from trusting yourself, taking action despite discomfort, and gradually becoming the person you want to be.

This isn’t an overnight process. You have to build this skill through small daily actions, healthier internal dialogue, and repeated moments of self-trust. But over time? Those benefits show up in every corner of your life.

Let’s talk about what confidence is and how you can achieve it.

What Is Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence is the belief in one’s ability to handle situations, make decisions, learn from mistakes, and navigate challenges effectively. Just like Bryony, you want to essentially develop a confidence toolbox. 

These will be your techniques, strategies, and practices to lean on in moments of self-doubt. Think: visualization, meditation, daily routines, and personal boundaries. (In other words, freshen up on “How to Align Your Energy to Attract What You Want” from Dear Gabby!)

Think of it this way: healthy self-confidence isn’t a “birthright,” so to speak. It comes from consistently trusting your personal abilities—even in the face of uncertainty or discomfort. Easier said than done, we know, but we’re about to walk you through exactly what it looks like.

What Does Self-Confidence Look Like?

Self-confidence doesn’t show up in one simple way. There are actually plenty of unique situations you can look back on and realize you navigated way more confidently than you gave yourself credit for. Here’s what this looks like on a day-to-day basis:

• Setting boundaries without guilt
• Accepting mistakes without spiraling
• Speaking up without needing constant validation
• Handling criticism more calmly
• Trying new things despite fear
• Accepting compliments without question
• Letting go of comparisons
• Handling silence without feeling overwhelmed
• Speaking to yourself more gently

Interested in learning more? Tune into “Are You Ready for the Best and Most Confident Summer of Your Life? Bryony Shares All of Her Tips and Routines to Feel Your Best.” (Psssttt… these tips boost your self-confidence long-term, too.)

Why Is Self-Confidence Important?

Stronger Communication Skills

When you’re confident, it shows in how you communicate with people. Think of it like this: your message becomes significantly more powerful when you remove self-doubt. And instead of viewing conversations as an environment you have to prove yourself in, you view them as opportunities to connect, contribute, and express yourself more authentically. Not only do you communicate better, but you also become a better, more engaged listener.

If you’re looking for tips to build on this, tune into this throwback episode of Transform: “4 Small Things That Make a Big Impact to Transform Your Life.”

Healthier Boundaries

Contrary to popular belief, you can set boundaries without being controlling. In fact, Bryony tells you how in her episode with Rochelle Humes! Ultimately, though, self-confidence gives you the power to realize that “no” is a full sentence. Instead of tiptoeing around feelings and using soft, passive language, you’re confident enough to honor your needs and own your limits. This isn’t about stepping on other people’s toes—it’s about prioritizing your peace. 

“How to Train Your Mind to Create Luck with Kyyah Abdul” from She’s So Lucky is the perfect episode to listen to here. Les Alfred and Kyyah chat about the importance of boundaries—and why people often misunderstand them.

Increased Resilience

Resilience is essentially the ability to bounce back after stress, trauma, or challenges. Knowing that, it’s no secret that confidence plays a MAJOR supporting role in this process. With self-confidence, you don’t even doubt that you can handle what life throws your way. Instead, you view challenges as opportunities, recognize that you have a support system, and will continue to grow regardless of the outcome. Remove fear, and you’re basically unstoppable. 

While we’re on the subject, you definitely need this Resilience Tee from the DM Shop. It just fits the vibe.

Reduced Fear of Judgment

It’s human nature to have a fear of judgment—whether that’s from daily challenges or stepping out of your comfort zone. But here’s the thing: there’s a difference between being aware of judgment and being intimidated by it. With self-confidence, you anchor your worth in your internal belief system rather than external circumstances. You know what you’re capable of and who you are, and someone’s opinions won’t have the power to cloud that. 

“How to Overcome Fear and Anxiety with Bryony” is a must-listen to for learning more. Another good one? “Chronic Not Enough-ness” from Don’t Think! Keep these two episodes queued up and watch your confidence skyrocket.

Improved Leadership Abilities

As a leader, you’re expected to make tough decisions, bounce back quickly, and pursue innovative ideas. And, let’s be real, you can’t do that if you don’t have confidence in yourself! When you lead with self-confidence, you create the foundation for a strong, powerful team. Essentially, people see you and want to follow in your footsteps. Not only does that improve your leadership, but it also boosts your confidence across the board.

Speaking of being a leader, tune into “How to Achieve Mental Clarity and Freedom with Peter Crone, The Mind Architect!” Working with everyone from executives to everyday people, Peter is the best example of confident leadership.

Greater Willingness to Pursue Goals

The fear of failure is such a common feeling. Work engagements, public speaking, relationships, making new friends—that fear can pop up everywhere. But when you lead with self-confidence, you reclaim your power. Each unique environment becomes an opportunity to succeed, learn, grow, and prove to yourself that you are capable of more than you think. And with this mindset, you subconsciously begin aiming for the moon—not just the stars. 

Our go-to resource for this? Bryony’s episode, “Step Into Your Best Year Yet! How to Set Goals, Keep Motivation, & Build a Growth Mindset.”

Healthier Relationships

Self-confidence is essentially the foundation of fostering healthy relationships. It allows you to communicate more effectively, set boundaries more intentionally, perceive conflict more openly, and reduce dependency. Is this important for romantic relationships? Yeah, of course. But it also matters for friendships, family, and even work-based relationships just as much. When you recognize your self-worth, you’re someone people instantly want to be around. (Like attracts like!)

Need dating advice? Tune into “The Key to a Hot Girl Summer ft. Samantha Brett” from We Met At Acme. Struggling in the friend department instead? Don’t worry, we have something for that, too. Listen to “Everyone Wants to Be a Villager, But No One Wants to Be a Villager” from Girls Gotta Eat.

What Causes a Lack of Self-Confidence?

Social Comparison and Social Media

Social media is one of the biggest contributors to a lack of self-confidence. You basically have instant access to see what everyone else is doing… at all times. This naturally fuels THOSE thoughts—you know the ones. Cue: “Why am I not as successful?” or “What could I be doing differently?” and “How do I look more like her?” Not only is this bad for your confidence, but it’s horrible for your mental health. 

Need to know if it’s time for a social media detox? Listen to “Summer Vacation Disasters.”

Fear of Failure

We mentioned this earlier, and it’s definitely worth repeating: the fear of failure can tank self-confidence. Ultimately, if you’re always concerned with what could go wrong, you leave very little room for what could go right. And, spoiler: there are so many more opportunities for growth, connection, and success than your inner critic would have you believe.

There’s literally no better post to read than the one we wrote on Mel Robbins’ 5 Second Rule. Or, even better, tune into “MEL ROBBINS. Enough Said.” from Ben Soffer and Josh Peck’s Good Guys to hear her life-changing advice for yourself.

Overly Critical Environments

You know that cliché quote, “Show me who your friends are, and I’ll show you who you are?” It’s got some serious credibility. If your environment, friend group, family members, or coworkers are constantly reinforcing negativity, self-doubt can start to feel normal. Basically, it’s a fast-track way to reach imposter syndrome. Instead of viewing setbacks as a natural part of life, you’ve been conditioned to view them as failure. 

Carla Bezanson talks all about this in her episode of Don’t Think, titled “My Imposter Syndrome Has Imposter Syndrome.”

Perfectionism

A huge component of self-confidence is understanding that success and failure can co-exist—and neither is a reflection of your worth. When you have a perfectionist mindset, you’re constantly craving the highest of highs. And, even worse, you’re beating yourself up for the lows. Things rarely go EXACTLY as you planned, and failure is a normal part of the process. Not accepting that leads to a fear of making mistakes, being judged, and taking the very risks that help self-confidence grow.

Take it from the Samis, hosts of Transform: you don’t need to be perfect to be powerful. You should also definitely tune into Bryony’s episode, “Transform Your Mindset and Design Your Future Self with Mimi Bouchard.”

Lack of Self-Trust

If you don’t trust yourself, then you definitely won’t trust in your ability to make decisions, handle change, bounce back from mistakes, or successfully get out of your comfort zone. And what do all of these have in common? They’re huge for self-confidence. In other words, lack self-trust, and you become your own biggest hater. We could go down the rabbit hole of why this is awful for your mental health, but we think you get the gist. 

This concept is exactly what Bryony covers in her episode with Andraya Kenton! Together, they talk about why embracing new adventures leads to abundant growth and unexpected opportunities.

Past Rejection or Embarrassment

When you live in the past, you’ll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. More importantly, your confidence takes a direct hit because of it. And we get it, it’s easy to slowly internalize rejection, embarrassment, or failure. But the more this happens, the more your brain begins to see these experiences as a personal flaw—not as a normal, common experience.

“Becoming Unshakeable: How to Build Confidence, Stop People Pleasing, and Find Your Purpose with Mark Manson” from Well with Arielle Lorre covers this topic BEAUTIFULLY. And, just to put it in context, Mark Manson is the bestselling author of the novel, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Yeah, it’s a really good episode.

Signs of Low Self-Confidence

A lack of self-confidence can show up in so many ways—and they’re not always in the moments you’d expect. Here’s what this may show up as in your day-to-day life:

• Over-apologizing
• Difficulty making decisions
• Fear of speaking up
• Constant comparison
• Avoiding challenges
• Seeking excessive reassurance
• Harsh internal self-talk
• Difficulty accepting compliments

A lot of the time? These are probably things you don’t even realize you’re actively doing. It’s not until you look back, think about situations, and realize how much more space you were always allowed to take up. But, here’s the good news: it’s NEVER too late to start. 

Grab your self-love affirmations and get out your “Promises to Myself” journal—it’s time to build some self-confidence. 

How to Build Self-Confidence

Keeping Small Promises to Yourself

Self-confidence is largely built on self-trust. Think about it: if you set a goal and don’t accomplish it, eventually, you’ll start to internalize this. More importantly, you’ll start to doubt your own abilities over time. But here’s the good news: these promises don’t have to be life-changing. In fact, at first, they shouldn’t be.

Start small. Maybe you set aside 10 minutes to take a hot girl walk, drink more water throughout the day, or actually go to sleep at a reasonable time. These are easily achievable things that prove to yourself that you can—and will—follow through. Over time, you’ll stop viewing yourself as someone with good intentions and start seeing yourself as someone who takes action.

Need a place to start? Start with “Creating Space + Keeping Promises to Yourself” from She’s So Lucky. It’s an oldie, but such a goodie.

Improving Self-Talk Patterns

How you talk to yourself seriously matters when it comes to confidence. And we don’t just mean the cliché “It makes you feel good!” advice. Science has literally proven that self-talk builds self-confidence by rewiring your brain’s cognitive processing. Enter: affirmations, manifestation, and visualization. 

This is the same idea behind (and the same reason why) manifestation and affirmations work! When you replace negative thoughts with empowering perspectives, you create the foundation for confidence. Not only does this improve motivation, but it also reduces anxiety and builds resilience. Start with our guide, “How to Forgive Yourself.” (You’ll be glad you have this tool in your back pocket.)

Practicing Uncomfortable Situations Gradually

It’s uncomfortable to be uncomfortable. Hence why we avoid awkward situations, anxiety-inducing environments, and stressful conversations. We don’t want to deal with it—or the aftermath! But if you want to boost your self-confidence, you have to get familiar with being uncomfortable. 

By purposefully putting yourself in the unknown, you slowly break the avoidance cycle. And with enough time, you prove to yourself that you can handle hardships—and you can do a damn good job doing so. Think of it as a muscle. The more you train yourself to persevere, the better you’ll become at it. 

Another oldie episode, but it will always be iconic. Tune into “Heather Gay – RHOSLC on Growing Up Mormon, Raw Truths, Life After Divorce, & How to Persevere When Life Throws You Curveballs” from The Bossticks.

Celebrating Small Wins Consistently

Success doesn’t happen overnight. When you think about achieving your goals, think about all the steps it took to get there. You wanted a promotion, and you worked your way up. You wanted to build muscle, and you grinded in the gym. The same mindset applies here: if you want to become confident, you have to celebrate the small wins.

There are three reasons why this is so powerful. First, it triggers your brain’s natural reward system. Second, it creates momentum that you can actually track. And third, it allows you to rewrite your belief system. Focus on what you’ve accomplished so far—not what else you have to cross off your checklist.

Tune into “About… Living with Your Parents, Again… (with Kris Walters)” from Tell Me More! It’s a super-realistic POV on what small wins actually look like in everyday life.

Reducing Comparison Habits

We’ll never tell you to delete your socials (how else would you keep up with the Dear Media TikTok?) What we are telling you to do, though, is to cut back on the comparison habits. You can root for someone else’s success while simultaneously rooting for yourself… and not comparing your path with theirs. 

As soon as you notice the habit, stop it in its tracks. More specifically, replace those comparisons with gratitude, reflection, and self-compassion. Remind yourself that everyone’s timeline looks different. The things you’re working toward, learning from, and overcoming are entirely different from the person you’re comparing yourself to. 

Confidence grows when you focus less on where everyone else is and more on how far you’ve come. Bryony talks all about this in “How to Avoid Comparison, Break Unhealthy Patterns, and Build Your Self-Worth with Jenna Zoë.”

Building Competence Through Repetition

Confidence isn’t built through thinking about doing something—it’s built by doing it. Again and again and again. Whether you’re learning a new skill, speaking up in meetings, or setting boundaries, repetition creates familiarity. And familiarity creates confidence. 

Think about anything you’re good at right now. Chances are, you weren’t naturally amazing at it the first time you tried. Get where we’re going here? You improved because you practiced, endured, and learned from your mistakes. The same principle applies to self-confidence. Every time you navigate a situation, you further prove that you’re more than capable of success.

Super important resource here: “Why You Keep Repeating Old Patterns (And How to Finally Break Free)” from Dear Gabby. You’re welcome in advance.

Spending Time Around Supportive People

You are who you surround yourself with. Period. Actually, Gstaad Guy talks about this on The Bossticks! If you want to be confident, surround yourself with confident people. Supportive people aren’t constantly validating everything you do or telling you you’re perfect. Instead, they encourage growth, celebrate your wins, and remind you of your strengths. 

Swap that around and think about your headspace when you’re surrounded by negative, pessimistic people. Ultimately, they’ll fuel self-doubt, inner criticism, or negativity. The result? Building self-confidence begins to feel like a chore. Seek out people who leave you feeling empowered, supported, and encouraged. 

Tune into “Confidence Confidant” from The Bad Broadcast for a deeper dive into this exact concept!

Limiting Perfectionist Thinking

Perfectionism is a sure-fire way to keep yourself in a negative mindset. Ultimately, it basically convinces you that anything less than flawless isn’t good enough. This slowly leads to constant self-criticism, fear of mistakes, and an endless feeling that you’re falling short. 

The reality is that growth rarely looks perfect. Confidence develops when you’re willing to try, learn, adjust, and keep moving forward anyway. Instead of asking yourself, “Did I do that perfectly?”, reframe it. Ask yourself whether you showed up, what you learned, and how you made progress. This creates the perfect environment for resilience, self-compassion, and self-confidence. 

And in moments of doubt, read our post, “‘I Should Have Known Better’ Is the Most Dangerous Thought You Have, Girls Gotta Eat Says.”

Building self-confidence doesn’t have to be hard—you just need the right tips, tricks, and strategies to help you get there!

Becoming self-confident isn’t about following the straight and narrow. In fact, a lot of the time it looks like making mistakes, learning from them, and realizing you survived anyway. And here’s the best news: you don’t have to do this alone. By following these tips, listening to our incredible lineup of Dear Media hosts, and being patient with yourself, building self-confidence will be easier than ever. 

Looking to expand that knowledge and be part of the conversation? Then check out Dear Media IRL, where we bring your favorite DM hosts to a city near you. Trust us, this isn’t something you want to miss out on.