How to Know If Someone Is a Catfish: The Details Don’t Match

In today’s digital era, connection has never been more accessible… or complicated. The internet feels like a revolving door—offering endless relationship possibilities with each turn. You have dating apps for introverts, apps for hooking up, heart-eye reactions on socials—sooo many ways to get butterflies before you even check off your first video chat. 

But here’s the thing: there’s definitely a darker side to the scroll. Behind curated profiles and carefully filtered photos, not everyone is who they say they are. That’s right—catfishing isn’t just a plot twist for TV anymore; unless you’re listening to “Catfishing with Nev Schulman” from Girls Gotta Eat. 

Otherwise, it’s something that’s ACTUALLY happening in everyday life to sooo many people. That’s why today, we’re channeling our inner Dating Detectives. We’re breaking down what a catfish actually is, the red flags you can’t ignore, and how to dodge one like a pro. Let’s dive in!

How to Know If Someone Is a Catfish: The Details Don’t Match

You meet someone online, and their profile picture stops you in your tracks. One conversation turns into another, and suddenly it’s been two weeks and you’re ALL in. Sometimes, it’s the real deal—a real person with good intentions. Other times? It’s too good to be true. 

Seriously, though, it can be a heavy realization to confront. This is why “How, When, and Why Liars Lie with Psychologist Drew Curtis, PhD” is such a gem of an episode to us. It’s easy to blame yourself in situations like this when, in reality, it’s not your fault.

And, honestly, getting catfished is nothing to be ashamed of; it happens way more than you think. Just listen to Vinny Guadagnino talking about getting catfished from Good Guys! We’ve all fallen victim at one time or another. But if you’re sitting here wondering whether you’ve gotten caught up in a faux love story with someone you’ve never met, we’re here to lead you back to the light.

What Is Catfishing?

In the simplest terms, catfishing refers to when someone creates a fake online persona to deceive and trick others. And we’re not talking about the lies in “Does My Husband Even Know Me??” from What We Said. We mean like… life-altering sh*t.

Since dating apps and social media accounts are the easiest to manipulate, this is where the culprits tend to hide. Think: fake photos, exaggerated stories, and entirely falsified personalities. The ultimate goal? To build trust, hide their true identity, and get close to people who genuinely believe they are who they say.

Okay, so you know the definition… but where TF did the term come from? It originated from the 2010 documentary titled Catfished. The documentary follows Nev, who discovered that the person he was talking to was a walking red flag—not real whatsoever. And yes, we’re talking about the very same Nev featured in THIS episode of Good Guys.

Following the success of the doc, Nev Schulman continued the hype by creating the MTV hit series Catfish: The TV Show. For YEARS, Nev helped others figure out if their online partner was a verified vibe or virtual lie. 

With today’s level of technology and all the digital ways we connect, it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of a new match or message. But the tricky part? Catfishers know how to play the game, and they play it well. Unfortunately, it’s no longer ONLY about avoiding liars, cheaters, and gaslighters. Sometimes it takes a sharp eye, a healthy dose of skepticism, and the right kind of knowledge to spot when something’s off. 

How Can You Tell if Someone Is a Catfish?

Their Pics Look Too Good to Be True

It’s one thing to take a super hot selfie and plaster it all over your dating profile. It’s another to seem like a walking Vogue cover in EVERY single photo. If someone’s pics are wayyy too polished, but they’re vague about sharing candid shots? It’s time to investigate. 

Reverse image search will be your best friend here. This throwback episode of Absolutely Not talks ALLL about this tool. Throw that bad boy into Google and see where the photos pop up. If you end up finding the pictures on random websites or see them on someone else’s social media account, you know what comes next. It’s time to question who’s ACTUALLY behind the screen.

For more on dating app scaries, listen to “Dating Apps: Designed to Be Detested” from The Bad Broadcast.

They Sidestep Video Calls 

Sorry, but a phone call won’t cut it here—anyone can pick up the phone and chat. You need to see what someone looks like to decide if they’re legit. If they’re constantly “too busy” to jump on FaceTime or a video chat, chances are something’s up. No need to sound the alarms if this happens once or twice—but EVERY single time definitely calls for suspicion. 

Catfishers want to keep the mystery alive, and to do that, they’ll NEVER agree to show their face. And why would they, right? It’ll blow their cover! Real connections require vulnerability, and that includes showing up and hopping on a video chat. “Being Real & Vulnerable Online and Offline” from MOOD dives deep into this very same idea. 

Their Story Isn’t Adding Up

It’s important to share details with your partner—THIS episode of Wellness Her Way touches on that big time. However, catfish blur the lines a bit. Sometimes they share details about their real life with a hint of exaggeration. Other times, they create a total faux persona. No matter the case, if you start piecing things together and it’s not adding up… HUGE warning sign.

It could be their job, hometown, friends, or little details about their lifestyle. Unless they have a bulletin board connecting their lies (which is even scarier TBH), they’re gonna slip up. And whenever you catch those “oopsie” moments and call them out? They’ll get defensive AF. A real person’s story flows naturally—a catfish’s life feels rehearsed. 

This is what we also refer to as “Dogfishing.” Same realm of fakeness, different levels on the spectrum, just as important to keep an eye out for. “A Life Built on a Lie” from The Dating Detectives introduces a two-part (real-life story) all about it.

They Push for Quick Emotional Intimacy

Ever heard of love bombing? Catfishers are pros at this. They WANT to rush the relationship, speed up the timeline, and build that connection as quickly as they can. Unfortunately, they view emotional dependency and trust as a weakness. The quicker you two get closer, the less likely you’ll be to believe the worst of them.

“Top 5 Mind Games Narcissists Play” from Almost Adulting covers love bombing EXTENSIVELY. You might catch onto the heavy flirting, instant “I love yous,” or intense personal questions early on. Like We Met At Acme said, dating is a marathon, not a sprint. If you feel like that romance is nothing more than a love bomb, you’re probably right on the nose.

They Ask for Money or Favors

This one is a CLASSIC catfish scam. Once a catfish has your trust, the guilt-trip probably isn’t far behind. Sometimes they’ll drop subtle hints, talking about how hard things are for them and how they just wish they had some help. Other times, they’ll just straight-up ask for financial help. 

Whatever you do, don’t share personal information, don’t let your sympathy get the best of you, and NEVER send money. Genuine people aren’t gonna pressure you for anything, especially not from someone they’ve never met in person. 

SUPER important reminder: you’re not the only one who’s been through this, by any means. Tune into “Gone Catfishin’ to hear TONS of other people share their own experiences.

How Not to Be Catfished

Insist on That Face-to-Face (Even If It’s Pixelated)

There’s no substitute for seeing someone in real time, no matter what your potential catfish might say. You could text 24/7, swap alleged photos, use one of these apps for long-distance couples—don’t fall for any of it. Before you get too many feelings involved, insist on either meeting face-to-face or setting up a video chat. 

It’s not just to protect your feelings from getting hurt (though that’s a bonus). It’s the ULTIMATE power move, taking control back from a catfish and putting the ball in your court. No face? No trust.

Caroline Stanbury is THAT girl when it comes to calling people out. Just check out “How to Handle Internet Trolls” for plenty of tried-and-true tips. 

Guard Your Story Like It’s Exclusive Content

Of course, it’s important to share details about yourself, especially when meeting someone new. And vice versa! You’ll want to know more about them, figure out their goals, and learn if your morals align. That said, it’s just as important to keep this mindset: your personal life is like a VIP pass. 

Share super-personal info only when it feels right—no early oversharing allowed. And you sure as hell shouldn’t overshare before you confirm they’re real. Your boundaries are sooo incredibly important; don’t let someone take advantage of that. Want a gentle nudge in the direct direction? Tune into “Aww You Miss Him?” from Don’t Think—it feels like a close bestie reminding you to stop romanticizing liars.

Speaking of boundaries, grab this Bad Broadcast crewneck that serves as a walking reminder. Oh, and it’s super cute, obviously.

Activate Your Digital Detective

It’s time to enter your sleuth mode. Google the person you’re involved with, search for socials, or run a reverse image search (on more than one pic!). The more you know, the better you’ll feel—and the more power you’ll hold. 

A legit profile will leave a trace. You’ll be able to connect this person back to something. Even if they’re not on Instagram, they’ll have some kind of digital footprint—like LinkedIn, Facebook, or mentions in other people’s socials. If you can’t find ANYTHING beyond a dating profile, that’s a red flag. Well with Arielle Lorre is our go-to for important convos about this. Just listen to “Dating Apps, How to Meet People Offline, & The 5 Pillars of Compatibility.”

Slow Down and Listen to Your Inner CEO

We get it, it’s SO easy to get caught up in that “Intuition Vs Anxiety” headspace. But honestly, your gut feeling isn’t just a feeling, it’s your built-in fraud detector. If something CONSISTENTLY feels “off,” chances are, it is. 

Don’t let a smooth talker and a rushed timeline disrupt your rhythm. It’s time you put on your Dating Detectives hat and figure out if you’re investing smart or simply settling for a time thief.

Bring in Your Trusted Circle

Sometimes getting a second opinion is all you need to see clearly. This isn’t a sign of weakness—in fact, it’s a strength. Think of it more like… Thankfully, you have a close group of girls around you to help you clear the fog and get the facts. 

This is another tip that isn’t just about feeling better; it’s a total strategy move. Spill all the details to your friends and watch how fresh eyes spot any red flags you may have missed. Also, BTW, this is a great time to celebrate your friends and appreciate the people in your corner. Listen to “The Secrets to Building Better Friendships” from Real Pod to learn the best ways to do this.

Is it love or a lure? Spot the catfish before you waste your time and energy.

It’s SO easy to meet someone who isn’t who they claim to be—especially when everything is online nowadays. But here’s the thing to remember: it’s not you, it’s 10000% them. Even if you do find yourself caught in a catfish’s net, don’t blame yourself. Just use these tips and tricks to get to the bottom of it and avoid any slip-ups in the future.

We’re not just dedicated to busting fakes and solving love life drama. Check out the Dear Media blog to find your new fave podcast, learn the latest about pop culture, and fine-tune your current health and wellness routines. Also, you can’t miss checking out the DM shop. This brand new “Lucky Girl” tee is SCREAMING your name.