How to Know If Someone Is a Pathological Liar: Signs to Spot

We all lie at times—dare we say it’s part of the human experience? We lie to avoid conflicts, protect someone’s feelings, or soften the truth when honesty feels too sharp to say out loud. It happens. But here’s the thing: there’s a BIG difference between white lying and habitual lying. 

And no, we aren’t talking about the people who lie a “little too much.” We’re talking SPECIFICALLY about pathological liars. These are people who weave intricate stories together for no reason at all. It’s not just an occasional thing—it’s an ingrained behavior. “How, When, and Why Liars Lie with Psychologist Drew Curtis” from Girls Gotta Eat explains it perfectly.

And honestly? It’s super confusing and draining for the people around them. Just listen to “Lukas Gage: I Wrote This for Attention” from Not Skinny But Not Fat for a firsthand take. You begin to question yourself, doubt your memory, and wonder if simple conversations are a part of a bigger mental charade. That’s why knowing the signs of a pathological liar is seriously SO important. It’s not about labeling or discriminating, it’s about protecting your peace. 

So here’s the deal: in this post, we’re breaking it all down. We’ll talk about the signs of a pathological liar, what causes it, and most importantly, how to deal with it. Think of it as your go-to guide for spotting red flags and setting boundaries. 

How to Know If Someone Is a Pathological Liar: Signs to Spot

This isn’t our first rodeo in the personality disorder convo—whether it’s talking about them (like we did in “How to Know If Someone Is a Sociopath”), or talking about warning signs, like we are today. And, truth is, there’s a lot of discrimination surrounding the topic, and these documentaries about mental illness prove that. More often than not, there’s a lot bubbling up beneath the surface that causes mental health issues.

So here’s the fine line that we’re establishing with you all: You CAN sympathize with someone and protect your peace at the same time. Read that ten times over.

Not only can you, but you totally, 100% should. That said, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover in today’s post. So… let’s start with the basics: What even is a pathological liar? 

What Is a Pathological Liar?

A pathological liar is someone who lies habitually. And it’s not to protect themselves, protect someone else, or spare any feelings—it’s just become a second-nature personality trait.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a pathological liar will create exaggerated stories across ALL areas of their life. This can involve finances, friendships, career, romance, family—literally everything. There’s not always a real reason, either—it’s not like they always have something to gain. It’s just excessive, non-stop, “I don’t know what’s real or fake” lies.

And, typically, pathological lying is associated with personality disorders, like narcissistic (NPD), antisocial (ASPD), or borderline (BPD). In the mental health world, these are known as Cluster B personality disorders. Are they total cause-and-effect? No—someone CAN be a pathological liar and not have a personality disorder—and vice versa. But is there a higher chance that someone who lies habitually could also have a personality disorder? Yup.

It’s also SUPER important to note: pathological lying is NOT the same as lying compulsively. A compulsive liar is someone who fabricates things due to underlying fear, anxiety, or a need for approval. Generally, not as severe, treatment is much easier, and they do tend to feel guilt or remorse afterward. (This doesn’t mean they’re totally out of the clear, BTW, but that’s a different convo for a different day.)

Here’s where the lines get blurry, though. Let’s talk about whether interacting with a pathological liar is just frustrating or ACTUALLY dangerous.

Are Pathological Liars Dangerous?

For your mental? Abso-f*cking-lutely.

All jokes aside, the real answer is… Yes and no. Pathological liars aren’t physically dangerous. Again, not to say that they CAN’T be due to other underlying mental health conditions. But generally speaking, you won’t experience physical danger due to someone’s lies. 

Mentally, however, they absolutely can be. Think about it! You have someone in your life who lies for no reason, never takes accountability, blames you if you try to call them out, and manipulates you like their life depends on it. So, yeah, we’d say that pathological liars can be dangerous to relationships, mental health, and trust.

And when you’re constantly dealing with this, it doesn’t just chip away at your relationship with them. It can also gradually impact your self-esteem and self-worth. Just take it from “Wolf of Wall Street Ex-Wife on Living with a Narcissist” from Barely Filtered. This episode is a perfect example of why it’s sooo important to recognize the signs early on.

What Causes a Pathological Liar?

Honestly, pathological lying typically doesn’t just happen out of the blue—there’s usually something deeper going on. Here are a few common causes:

• Personality disorders: Think borderline personality disorder (BPD), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). “Top 5 Mind Games Narcissists Play” from Almost Adulting can help give you the full picture of what this might look like. 
• Childhood trauma: Growing up in a tough environment can totally shape someone’s personality, including when and how they lie. Read over “You Weren’t Mature for Your Age—You Were Traumatized,” then listen to THIS episode of Let’s Try This Again. Both are suuuper insightful resources.
• Neurochemical imbalances: Severe dips in serotonin and dopamine levels can affect both behavior and impulse control.
• Low self-esteem: Sometimes lies are a way to cover up insecurities or “fill in the gaps.” It’s like a coping mechanism. So when we say confidence is important, we mean it.
• Need for control: Manipulating people, situations, or surroundings can honestly feel (or be) a survival tactic.
• Social pressures: Trying to meet expectations or fit in can drive habitual dishonesty.
• Substance abuse: When using drugs or alcohol, especially long-term, it can impair judgment and increase lying tendencies. Listen to “Happy Hour, Sad Week” from Don’t Think for an honest take on how people tend to downplay addiction.
• Learned behavior: You know that “do as I say, not as I do” excuse? Doesn’t work here. People raised by habitual liars tend to repeat the cycle because, really, it’s all they know. Tune into “How Emotionally Immature Parents Affect You” to learn exactly what we mean. 

How to Tell If Someone Is a Pathological Liar

Their stories hardly ever add up.

When someone keeps retelling the same story, that’s your cue to listen up. Pathological liars always slip somewhere, and sometimes, you have to REALLY lock in to notice it. And we know you may be thinking, “They wouldn’t tell the same story time and time again.” Trust us, they do. 

Generally, they repeat falsified stories to reinforce the lies. They think the more they talk about it, the more likely they are to get the validation (and belief) they’re looking for. Want an easy way to snoop out the truth? Ask them to repeat a story they told you days prior. Chances are, something will be different.

To learn more about the difference between white lies and boundary-breaking secrets, tune into “What Do You Hide From Your Partner?” from Girls Gotta Eat. 

They lie about small, unnecessary things. 

The thing about habitual liars? They’re not just spinning wild stories for attention. Instead, they’re lying about the tiniest things—stuff that doesn’t even really matter—just because they can. 

They’ll lie about places they’ve vacationed, what they had for lunch, who they’re texting—random, meaningless details that don’t even require a cover-up. And honestly, this is worse than lying about the big stuff. You begin to question EVERYTHING, because you have no idea what’s real or what’s a disguise.

The girls in What We Said actually have a super honest, relatable episode about this: “CATFISHED IRL.” They talk all things emotional devastation, isolation, and betrayal trauma. 

They believe their own lies—and become defensive if you question them.

As we’ll talk about in a bit, pathological liars don’t see clear lines—they live somewhere in the gray. They’ll lose track of stories, convince themselves of minor details, and internalize their own narratives. So, at a point, everything they’re saying really DOES feel real to them. 

Which, if they wanna live in delulu land, so be it, right? But it’s a whole different game when you try to question or correct them. Remember what we said earlier—pathological liars don’t really feel remorse, shame, or guilt. So if you call them out on what’s going on, expect a whole lot of defensiveness, anger, and manipulation.

If you find yourself in the midst of this, check out “What Are the 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding?” Because, yes, it is that serious. 

They tend to play the victim.

There’s no rhyme or reason for habitual lying. Sometimes you’re stuck in this never-ending loop of fabrication, and other times, you’re getting fed lies for one thing: sympathy. That said, it’s no surprise that a pathological liar will spin stories hoping to gain attention, validation, and admiration.

At the same time, they’ll also lie just to play a role—either the victim or the hero. It’s all about the reaction they’re chasing, whether that’s a little extra pity or a round of applause. “Top 5 Mind Games Narcissists Play” feels like a masterclass in spotting the signs before it’s too late. 

They show a lack of remorse.

As we’ve said a handful of times now, most pathological liars don’t feel remorse. They’re manipulating, tricking, and deceiving you—but don’t particularly care how that makes you feel. Or, honestly, that it might make you pull away.

Remorse and empathy go hand in hand—when someone lacks one, the other usually disappears, too. Plus, if someone has, say, antisocial personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder, chances are empathy isn’t their strong suit. It’s allll a huge, destructive cycle.

Knowledge is power. To learn more, read: “Why Is Empathy Important in a Relationship?”

Do Pathological Liars Know They Are Lying?

Just like we mentioned earlier, yes and no. According to the DSM-5, there are three key characteristics to normal lying. You know what you’re saying is a lie, you’re intentionally telling it, and you have a reason for it. On the other hand, pathological liars don’t always know that they’re lying.

And honestly, it’s not like they’re always intentionally trying to trick people or even gain something out of it. Over time, it GENUINELY just becomes a pattern. It gets super deep and technical, so we’ll give you the TL;DR. 

Sometimes, yes, pathological liars can be aware that they’re lying, but they don’t typically care. They’ll justify it, excuse it, or, ultimately, believe it. Other times, they don’t realize they’re lying because they’ve become SO used to it. 

And this brings us to our next point… pathological liars, for the most part, DO believe they’re telling the truth. Maybe it’s because it feels real to them, or they have a weak grip on reality, or because they lie so often that it just feels normal.

It’d be like if you told everyone you were born blonde when you were actually born with black hair. But you tell this lie over and over, and over, until you’re like… “Wait. Yeah, maybe I was born with blonde hair!”

See why the waters get a little murky? Some do realize they’re lying and rationalize it, and others are so deep into things that they get totally lost in their own web.

How to Deal with a Pathological Liar

Don’t Take It Personally

First things first—NEVER blame yourself for how a pathological liar treats you. Seriously. There’s nothing you could’ve done or said to make them lie to the level they did. And if you ever feel yourself spiraling into guilt, revisit that list we explored above. There are TONS of causes of pathological lying—you are not one of them. 

For a little loving boost, make sure to check out our post, “Mental Health Reminders.”

Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are EVERYTHING when it comes to protecting your peace. So, in the case of a pathological liar, stand firm on what you will and won’t tolerate. You have the power here, and YOU can choose how much emotional energy you’ll give to the chaos. 

We have TONSSSS of resources to help you out with this. Listen to…

• Family Boundaries = Freedom: How We Found Peace in the Chaos
• Arthur Brooks on the Science of Happiness, Emotional Well-Being, & Setting Boundaries for a Better Life
• Reclaim Your Power: The Spiritual Toolkit for Setting Boundaries and Protecting Your Peace

Don’t Try to “Fix” Them

When the pathological liar you’re dealing with is someone you love, it’s totally natural to want to help. You want to understand them, to fix it, and to make things make sense again. But here’s the truth: it’s your job to “fix” people—no matter WHO it is. Even if you wanted to, pathological lying runs deep. It’s not just a bad habit; it’s a psychological pattern.

Take it from us, read over “Is Being Nice Ruining Your Life?” We talk all about how toxic generosity can ultimately be your downfall. Then, listen to THIS episode from Tell Me More for an honest convo about why this can affect you so much. 

Encourage Professional Support

While you may not be able to singlehandedly help, professionals definitely can. And here’s the good news: therapy DOES work here! Once someone puts in the effort to figure out the cycle and root causes of lying, they can actively work to develop healthier patterns. It’s never too late to offer a gentle nudge in the right direction.

For more, listen to THIS episode of The Art of Being Well. Dr. Will Cole and guest Jillian Turecki dive deep into why personal responsibility is KEY in creating healthy connections.

Take Care of Yourself

When you’re dealing with a pathological liar, your mental health comes first. Period. And as hard as it may seem, taking care of yourself is nothing to feel guilty about. Honestly, it’s really the only thing you can do here. 

“Listen to This If You’re Craving a Deeper Relationship with Yourself” from Real Pod is a great resource here. Ground yourself in the truth, remind yourself of what’s real, and use these tools to keep yourself safe (and sane).

You can’t fix their patterns, but you CAN cultivate your own peace.

At the end of the day, pathological lying has serious mental and emotional consequences—both to the person doing it and those around them. But now that you know what to look for? You’re golden. Remember: stand firm in your truth, protect your boundaries, and NEVER feel like it’s your responsibility to fix it. You deserve respect and honesty—two things that pathological liars BLATANTLY ignore.

Want more tips, tricks, and helpful how-to guides for protecting your peace? Head to the Dear Media blog; we know just the way to serve up harsh truths with lots of love. Also, check out our lineup of podcast hosts, who always have exactly what you need to hear in times like these. And, last but not least, don’t forget to keep up with our newest arrivals in the DM Shop. This “Don’t Hustle the Hustler” trucker hat? Chef’s kiss.