5 Ways to Set Boundaries with Your Toxic Family Members. Goodbye, Aunt Karen!

Family can bring joy, but when chaos from toxic family members overshadows the celebration, even the most patient person reaches a breaking point. 

On Coming in Hot, host Caroline Baudino proves that protecting your peace is not only possible, it’s necessary. Her lived experience lays out a step-by-step game plan for anyone ready to stop tiptoeing around toxic family members and start drawing an unmistakable line in the sand.

Why boundaries matter with toxic family members

Baudino and husband John once “had to really create some serious boundaries” with their families. She acknowledges that “usually, when you create boundaries, it’s very hard for the people that have to abide by them.” Resistance is inevitable, especially from relatives who believe DNA entitles them endless access to your life.

Her urgency stems from childhood lessons. “I witnessed my parents do everything for everyone, and no one be there for them at the end when they really needed it,” she says. It’s a cautionary tale that forever “changed [her] idea of family dynamics.” 

Baudino also challenges that antiquated guilt trip about unconditional forgiveness. She rejects the mantra that “blood is blood,” saying clearly: “You don’t have to put up with everything or forgive anything because it’s blood.” Loyalty should be earned, not assumed, she says.

Spotting red flags before they run the show

Money, manipulation, and mayhem can masquerade as love when boundaries are absent. Baudino recalls how her parents weaponized gifts and how “money was always used as a tool of control” when tensions flared. If lavish presents replace genuine accountability, that’s not generosity; it’s a transaction.

She also names the drama for what it is. Her parents “would come to visit” and instantly resort to screaming matches, so she laid down the law: “You cannot stay here if you are gonna scream and yell.” 

5 boundary moves Baudino swears by

Define your non-negotiables in writing. Clarity kills confusion. Baudino stresses that “as long as you are clear on what your boundaries are,” you can enforce them without second-guessing yourself. List behaviors—unsolicited parenting advice, backhanded comments, surprise drop-ins—that are officially off-limits.

State the limit once, then act. She advises spelling out expectations upfront and following through every time a line is crossed. Silence breeds loopholes; decisive action closes them.

Use location and duration to your advantage. When the yelling wouldn’t stop, Baudino simply limited overnight visits. Shorter stays or neutral venues help prevent conflict from infiltrating your sanctuary.

Brace for backlash without caving. “When you set boundaries, it usually upsets the people that are taking advantage of you,” Baudino admits. Expect protests, guilt trips, or icy silences. Discomfort isn’t danger—stay the course.

Build the family you choose. Moving away allowed her to “create [her] own family.” Friends, mentors, therapists, and support groups can supply the affirmation that relatives withhold. “It’s not blood, but it has boundaries. People respect them,” she says.

Modeling healthier dynamics for the next generation

Baudino’s sons watch their parents enforce limits and hear the reasoning behind the tough calls. “It’s okay to have boundaries. It’s okay if somebody doesn’t make you feel good, whether it’s family or anyone else,” she tells her boys. Demonstrating self-respect teaches kids that love and self-abandonment are not synonyms.

Even better, boundaries foster closeness. Once the no-fighting rule took hold, her parents “were pretty good about it,” and visits became calm. Peace feels contagious when chaos is no longer welcome.

Baudino calls boundaries “the greatest gift you can give yourself,” and anyone tired of catering to toxic family members will undoubtedly agree. Decide what you will and will not tolerate, communicate it once, and uphold it every time. People may grumble, but your mental health will roar.