Caroline Stanbury’s Real Guide to Surviving Divorce Without Going Broke or Crazy

According to the CDC, over 672,500 divorces were finalized in the U.S. in 2022, roughly 100 every single hour. And the odds don’t exactly improve with experience. Psychology Today says around 40 percent of first marriages end in divorce, 67 percent of second marriages collapse, and a whopping 73 percent of third marriages don’t make it past the finish line. So if you’re going through it—or watching someone you love go through it—you’re far from alone. But just because divorce is common doesn’t mean it’s easy. 

On Uncut and Uncensored, host Caroline Stanbury says the only way through is with clarity, boundaries, and a refusal to let chaos run the show. She’s been divorced herself and knows how messy it can get, which is why she lays out the real rules that helped her come out the other side with her sanity (and bank account) intact.

How to Survive Divorce Without Going Broke or Crazy

Separate the money immediately while things are still “nice”

One of the biggest mistakes people make is waiting too long to have the money talk. Divorce gets messier the longer you put it off. In the beginning, when things are still relatively civil, there’s usually a window where guilt or goodwill can work in your favor. That’s the moment to lock down finances, not six months later when lawyers are firing off heated emails.

“As soon as you know you’re going to do it and lawyers are instructed and everything else, and you try and keep it nice, separate the money,” says Stanbury. “Separate the money, separate the money.”

It might feel harsh, but this is about protecting your future self. Open your own accounts, track shared expenses, and keep records of everything. If you’re still on joint bills, shift them now so you don’t get stuck with surprise charges later. Treat this part like a business transaction, because in many ways, it is.

Rip the Band-Aid off

The whole “let’s keep the house for the kids and alternate who lives there” idea? Stanbury calls it “the biggest f***ing no-no on the planet.” And she’s right. “You’re never really settled,” she explains. “The wonderful thing about getting divorced is setting up your first home, choosing everything around you. That was so important to me, like just to make myself feel like this is mine.”

Think about it: You can’t bring dates back to an apartment your ex still sleeps in every other week. You can’t create new memories when half the space belongs to your old life. That kind of psychological limbo will keep you stuck way longer than necessary. “You have to separate your lives as quickly as possible,” Stanbury says. “Rip the bandaid off, rip the Band-Aid off.”

Your next place doesn’t have to be Pinterest-perfect—it just has to feel like it’s yours. Even if it’s small, it should be a space where you can breathe, buy the plants you actually like, and hang whatever “weird” art your ex rolled their eyes at. That’s where healing starts. What won’t help? Staying in a house that feels like a museum of old arguments. Living in someone else’s energy is exhausting and you deserve better.

Stop dragging it out

There’s a difference between working on your marriage and marinating in misery. “I always say, if you’ve thought about it more than a year, on and off, f***ing do it. Just do it,” Stanbury advises. “It’s not fair on him. It’s not fair on you. It’s not fair on anyone to be living in this limbo where you are. You are not committed. You don’t want it, you know you don’t want it, you just don’t know how to say it.”

Dragging it out only wastes time you could be using to rebuild your life. The longer you sit in “should I, shouldn’t I,” the harder it is to leave because you start convincing yourself that being half-unhappy is better than making a change. But ask yourself this: Do you want to spend another birthday, another holiday, another year stuck in the same “maybe” loop?

If you’ve been Googling divorce lawyers, venting to friends on repeat, or secretly scrolling Zillow for apartments, that’s your answer. You don’t need another sign. You need to respect yourself—and your partner—enough to stop dragging it out. Make the call, start the paperwork, and step into the next phase of your life. 

Your lawyer is not your therapist

Vent sessions have their place, but not in your lawyer’s office. It might feel like they’re listening because they care, but Stanbury reminds us they’re billing you the whole time. “Your lawyer is not your therapist…your lawyer is not your f***ing therapist,” she says. “He will listen all day long to you and bill you $400 an hour for a good one. Don’t think he’s being kind. Don’t think you’re off the clock.”

This is one of those painful-but-necessary truths. Lawyers are there to handle paperwork, negotiations, and legal strategy—not your 2 a.m. breakdown about seeing your ex on Instagram. Use them for what they’re good at, and find healthier (and cheaper) outlets for the emotional stuff. That might mean therapy, journaling, long walks, or calling the friend who actually gives good advice.

Accept reality

Divorce hits hardest when it’s not your choice. Maybe your husband came home one night, dropped the bomb, and left you reeling. The instinct is to bargain, beg, cry, or cling to any scraps of hope. But here’s the truth: that never works. “If it wasn’t your choice, and your husband walks in and says he doesn’t love you anymore, accept it. Ladies, accept it,” Stanbury says. “It won’t change. It doesn’t change. He’s not coming back. Begging, screaming, crying, doesn’t bring them back. In fact, sadly it pushes them away.”

As brutal as that sounds, acceptance is freedom. The sooner you stop fighting reality, the sooner you can move forward. You don’t have to turn into stone. You just need to save your dignity and your energy for the next chapter. Every text you don’t send, every argument you don’t start, every ounce of peace you choose to protect is a win for your future self.

Become your best self

When your world falls apart, it’s tempting to collapse with it. But that’s not the vibe that makes anyone rethink their choices. Stanbury spells it out: “Do you think it’s the crying, alcohol-induced, lying on the floor with six girlfriends and 10 bottles of wine around you that’s gonna be like, ‘Oh, that’s my wife, really wish I had her back?’ Or the one that gets up and goes, ‘F*ck you, I’m gonna look my best, feel my best, and act my best.’”

This isn’t about revenge, but re-centering yourself. Divorce is a reset button. Use it. Hit the gym, get a haircut, start that side hustle, say “yes” to the trip you kept postponing. Redecorate your apartment in a way that screams you. Reconnect with old friends who make you laugh until your stomach hurts. Build the version of yourself that feels powerful, confident, and fun again.

Want the full conversation? Listen to Uncut and Uncensored with Caroline Stanbury, available to stream now.

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