Career & Money

Women Don’t Avoid Negotiation Because They’re Insecure, They Avoid It Because They’re Untrained

January 17, 2026

Negotiation gets a bad rap, especially for women. People hear the word and picture a loud, tense showdown, not a normal conversation about what you need to do your job well. Nita Singh Kaushal is here to fix that—without turning you into someone you don’t recognize. On SHE MD, Dr. Thaïs Aliabadi and Mary Alice Haney bring the Stanford professor and founder of Miss CEO on for a conversation that’s equal parts leadership reality check and confidence pep talk you can actually use.

“No one ever had me take a course on how to negotiate, how to self-advocate,” Dr. Aliabadi says, and she remembers being “overqualified for that position” yet unable to stand up for herself. Kaushal explains the mental roadblocks women carry into these moments—wanting to be “grateful,” worrying they’ll seem “too bossy or too assertive,” and hoping hard work alone will speak for itself.

Her fix is simple but not easy: prepare, bring data, and ask in a way that keeps your reputation intact.

Why women don’t negotiate even when they deserve more

A big reason women don’t negotiate has nothing to do with confidence and everything to do with conditioning. From a young age, many women are taught that good things come from being prepared, agreeable, and grateful—not from asking. Kaushal names this directly when she explains how school trains us to believe effort equals reward. You follow the rules, do the work, get the A. Then you graduate and discover that “you can work really, really hard and get dismissed all the time if you don’t know how to ask for things or advocate for yourself.”

That gap is where so many women get stuck. They hesitate because they don’t want to seem ungrateful. They worry about being labeled “too bossy or too assertive.” They assume asking could undo everything they’ve built.

Kaushal also points out that negotiation anxiety isn’t about weakness. It’s about unfamiliarity. When women haven’t been given scripts or examples of what self-advocacy can look like without burning bridges, silence feels safer.

Build the leadership muscle before the stakes get big

Hate to break it to you, but confidence doesn’t magically appear the moment it matters most. It’s built earlier, through repetition and low-risk practice. Kaushal explains that by the time many women enter the workforce, they’re already behind—not in ability, but in exposure to leadership and self-advocacy. Without early chances to practice having a voice, high-stakes moments feel overwhelming instead of manageable.

That’s why Kaushal focuses so much on early intervention through leadership programs, mentorship, and environments where girls can experiment without needing to be perfect. The goal isn’t polish. It’s comfort. Comfort asking questions, naming goals, and speaking up before fear takes over.

Use a collaborative framework instead of a confrontation vibe

It’s important to separate real negotiation from the aggressive stereotype so many women are taught to fear. Kaushal is clear that most professional situations don’t benefit from pressure tactics, explaining that negotiation is often imagined as “fist pounding, ultimatums, contentious,” when that approach can actually hurt your long-term credibility. In a workplace setting, reputation matters, and how you ask can be just as important as what you ask for.

Instead, Kaushal teaches a collaborative, win-win structure that keeps the conversation grounded and strategic. Instead of demanding more—walk someone through your logic. “You want to set it up in a positive way,” she explains, then “present some data and some background” before making the ask and inviting dialogue with, “What do you think about this?” That framing shifts the tone from confrontation to problem-solving.

There’s a sharp line between professional negotiations and transactional ones, too. “This is very different from haggling prices at the market,” Kaushal notes. You’re showing why investing in you benefits the whole team.

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Never negotiate over email if you can help it

One of the most practical pieces of advice in the episode is also one of the easiest to ignore. When it comes to asking for more, Kaushal says to keep it face-to-face. “I do not recommend negotiating over email,” she states. Her reasoning is simple—email strips away tone, timing, and context, and once something is written, you lose control over how it’s interpreted or shared.

Kaushal explains that negotiation is “a dynamic, moving conversation,” and that live dialogue allows you to read reactions, respond in real time, and adjust if something isn’t landing. Over email, none of that exists. She warns that written demands can spark reactions you never see coming, saying she has “seen managers get so upset by a demand from an employee that they forward it to the whole leadership team complaining.”

Instead, she encourages asking for time to talk—by phone, Zoom, or in person—so the conversation starts on human ground. A live setting also makes it easier to clarify if emotions rise.

Treat ‘no’ as information, not a verdict

Rejection is normal. Kaushal doesn’t sugarcoat outcomes, saying plainly, “[rejection] is highly likely. I’m not gonna lie.” Negotiating doesn’t guarantee a win—but that doesn’t make the ask a mistake. What matters is how you interpret the response.

Kaushal encourages women to hear “no” as a data point, not a final judgment. “That’s actually not a permanent no,” she explains, noting that timing and budgets can shift. Instead of shutting down, she suggests slowing the moment and asking thoughtful follow-ups like, “can you help me understand why?” or exploring what could be possible next.

She also points out that how someone says no tells you just as much as the answer itself. If a manager takes the time to explain constraints or brainstorm alternatives, that’s valuable information about the kind of relationship you’re in. If they dismiss you or make you feel small, that’s information too. Rejection doesn’t diminish your worth—it sharpens your understanding of the system you’re navigating and helps you decide your next move with clarity instead of shame.

To hear all of Nita Singh Kaushal’s insights, listen to SHE MD wherever you get your podcasts.