Is Cutting Fruit an Act of Love? Bretman Rock Thinks So.

American culture puts a lot of emphasis on the “L” word, the gold standard of affection. Bretman Rock wants you to think again. The comedian, makeup influencer, and host of DaBaddest Radio made his annual appearance on Pretty Basic to set the record straight on how love gets lost in translation. 

“People swear I hate my sister,” he says, “and I’m like, ‘No, this is how we show love.’ Like I’m sorry we both also had a mother that never told us ‘I love you,’ but she showed it by, like, cutting fruits and stuff,” Bretman says. “It’s hard to explain that to people who may not have grown up with that kind of love, but I mean it works for us.” 

If you’ve ever spent an hour carving up a watermelon, you know that this is very real. After all, acts of service are a perfectly valid love language. “It may not be the stereotype of what love is,” says Remi Cruz, “but absolutely. As long as you feel it.”

Bretman’s upbringing was certainly not stereotypical. He grew up separately from his siblings after his mother, older brother, and older sister moved to America. “I was convinced that I was the only child for so long, until I was like 9 years old and I met my sister at the airport,” he says. “My mom was like, ‘Oh yeah, you have a sister and a brother,’ and I was like, ‘I’m not the only child? You guys already gave me the only child syndrome!”

While living with his dad in the Philippines, Bretman unwittingly revealed his dad’s infidelity when his mother asked about how things were working out with their new nanny. “I didn’t know what I was saying, I was 6 years old,” he says, “And I was like, ‘Oh yeah, dad loves her. They’re always kissing.’ And then my mom flew back home to come grab me. At the time I didn’t know anything about what was happening.”

For years afterwards, he says, “I convinced myself that I was a reason why my family wasn’t complete anymore. I blamed myself.” By the age of 13, Bretman says, “I kind of just told myself, “Girl, you obviously can’t bring your dad back. You have to fill in his shoes.’ and I think that’s when I kind of just like gave myself the role of being the breadwinner, even though I was like 13. I knew I had to make my mom proud, I knew I had to provide for my brother and my sister in a way that my father couldn’t. […] Nobody told me to provide, nobody told me that I had to. It was all internalized things that I felt like I owed my mom for breaking my family up.”

Bretman channeled those feelings into becoming a viral sensation, ultimately using his internet fame to provide for his family. Of course, sometimes hearing “I love you” is important too. When asked if he’d ever spoken to his mom about these experiences, Bretman says, “I had the talk with her. Did I get the response I needed? I don’t think so, honestly. She was just like, ‘Yeah, I will try to say I love you more. You’re right, I don’t say I love you.’  Did she say ‘I love you?’ No!” says Bretman with a laugh, but “the fact that she sat there and took it is a win for me. Because 18-year-old Bretman having that conversation with my mom is something I could not even fathom.”

Bretman and his mom prove what therapists have been saying forever: Uncomfortable conversations are where the healing happens. But you can also start by cutting fruit for someone today! 

For more candid conversations with brilliant people like Bretman, check out Pretty Basic. You can also join hosts Remi Cruz and Alisha Marie in person at the Dear Media Edit, a live wellness event, on May 17 in Los Angeles. Get your tickets here.