‘Sopranos’ Star Jamie-Lynn Sigler Spent Years Hiding the Thing That Scared Her Most

For a lot of people, Jamie-Lynn Sigler will always be Meadow Soprano from the famous early 2000s show The Sopranos. But behind the scenes, Sigler says she was dealing with crushing insecurities, constant comments about her body, and eventually, a multiple sclerosis diagnosis she kept hidden for years.

During her appearance on Not Skinny But Not Fat, the actress got honest about what it was actually like growing up in Hollywood during the early ‘00s—from being publicly mocked for her weight to feeling like she “didn’t look like somebody that could be on camera.” The actress talks about hiding her MS diagnosis while filming one of the biggest shows on television and the exhausting pressure of pretending everything was fine. 

Below are the highlights from the conversation, adapted from the episode.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler on MS, Shame, and Surviving the 2000s

Did you ever feel like you looked like someone who belonged on camera?

“I just didn’t feel like there was a place for me. I just didn’t feel like I looked like somebody that could be on camera…but it’s almost like performing became this escape for me. I was so riddled with insecurities and fear of the world.”

What kind of comments were people making about your weight?

“To my face, I mean, I had somebody call me live on a radio show and tell me that they had bets with their friends how much weight I had gained in between seasons…I felt immense pressure and I already was coming into it not feeling like I looked like a Hollywood star and how, you know, these people that I was seeing on the CW shows that I loved looked like. So and then to have all that confirmed to my face was really difficult, but thankfully on The Sopranos set. It was anything but. They didn’t care. They just loved me however I was…but anytime I stepped out of that, it was really difficult.”

How did that affect the way you felt on ‘The Sopranos’ set?

“That sort of unfortunately set the tone for me for the rest of the shooting of that show that I just felt so less than. I felt like such a burden, I felt like such a problem. I felt just so undeserving and so not good enough to be on that show all the time.”

What did James Gandolfini do to help you on set?

“I remember when I was working with an acting coach, and it was Jim Gandolfini’s coach who he gifted to me. I remember him literally grabbing me by the shoulders one day and being like, ‘Everybody has a f*cking coach. Like, I have a coach. I will not work without a coach. Like Tom Hanks has a coach. Like it is part of being an actor. Like we need support. We need people to help us shape and do things…’

…And the thing that he would always repeat to me all the time, no matter what I was going through would be like, ‘You’re just a kid. You’re a f*cking kid.’ And I couldn’t hear him in the moment. But I, I can look back now and be like, ‘oh my god, I was just a kid.’”

What was it like finding out you had MS while filming ‘The Sopranos?’

“Oh, the biggest secret. I mean, I remember right after getting diagnosed, I was with my ex-husband at the time and my parents. And we came home from the hospital and there wasn’t even a discussion around like, ‘How are you feeling? How are you doing?’ Like we should research MS.’ Like it was like, ‘Hey, we tell no one about this.’”

Why were you so afraid to tell people?

“Being fired, never being hired, having people just think of MS every time they saw me.”

How much were you hiding at the time?

“So much lying, so much, so much lying. It came so easy to me. I could not imagine a world where I could ever be honest about anything, especially with myself…It was just, it was so heartbreaking and so difficult, but it’s like it’s almost like the tension was building, like, as years went on and with each job, it was like I couldn’t hide it anymore, like the amount of times I was constantly being called out.”

How do you feel about your MS now?

“I don’t have to apologize for it. And that was a big lesson for me. And like I’m gonna take the help I need. It has nothing to do with you.”

How did you find out James Gandolfini donated to MS causes?

“I can’t even remember. It might have been either his ex-wife or maybe a manager that was like, ‘You know, Jim, he never needed credit.’ And that was one of the beautiful things about him, right? Like he could silently do that, knowing like, ‘That’s helping Jamie,’ and he didn’t need the accolades or the attention of like, ‘Look at me doing something nice.’ That’s who Jim was.”

How did Christina Applegate help change the way you talked about MS?

“When she was diagnosed, she was just not ready to necessarily share it, [but was wondering] ‘How do I work with this?’ because she was in the middle of filming Dead to Me. [Mutual friend Lance Bass] was like, ‘You gotta call Jamie.’ And so initially our conversations were like, ‘This is what you should ask for…ask for your trailer closer…do this before you work to loosen up your legs.’ Like I was just trying to give her tips and tricks of how to work with MS basically on a film set…

…And then next thing I know she would just like call me late at night or early in the morning and just when she’s scared or she’s feeling things, and next thing you know it’s like two hours later and we’re talking about Bravo and our children and peeing our pants and all these things. And I give her all the credit. She said to me one day, she’s like, ‘We should do a podcast,’ and I was like, ‘What do you mean?’ She’s like, ‘Oh this, how we’re talking right now. Like I’m ready. Are you ready to just like not give a sh*t and just put it all out there?’ And I think she really primed me to be ready to write this book.”

What happened when your son Beau got sick?

“So it’s like [acute disseminated encephalomyelitis]. It’s encephalitis basically, which is a swelling of the brain and basically he got a random virus at camp. And instead of his body making antibodies to fight the virus, his body made dumb antibodies and attacked itself.”

When did you know something was seriously wrong?

“Yeah, and just also mother’s intuition. Like, finally I could listen to that voice inside and be like, I remember when we were leaving the day before we finally got admitted, they’re sending us home again, and my feet literally didn’t want to move. I was like, I know in my soul that there is something seriously wrong that they are missing.”

How did your son’s illness change you?

“That was the most painful and traumatic time of my life, but also a moment where I felt more love than I’ve ever felt and support and like I kind of learned who I am and what I’ve become in that moment, and like how strong you can be…

…The way I was able to ask for help, the way I was able to use my voice and advocate, and like, even when with the doctors, right? Like you’re at their mercy, they’re saving your child’s life, but also my opinion mattered. Like I had a say in his care, I had a say in what they were doing, and he is a miracle.”

To hear the full conversation with Jamie-Lynn Sigelr, listen to Not Skinny But Not Fat wherever you get your podcasts.

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