Parenting

The Fastest Way to Make Kids Take You Seriously, According to a Child Psychologist

February 10, 2026

Kids Not Listening? The Fastest Way to Make Kids Take You Seriously — Image: Cora Pursley/Dupe

You’ve said it nicely. You’ve said it five times. You’ve tried the calm voice, the patient voice, the “I’m about to lose my mind” voice. And somehow, the dishes are still in the sink. The homework hasn’t moved an inch. You’re not asking for much—you’re just asking them to listen. And yet, here you are, wondering if you’re the problem or if your kid has simply decided that your voice is background noise.

Here’s the thing: it’s probably not that your kid is ignoring you to be difficult. It might be that the way you’re asking isn’t landing—and there are some surprisingly simple fixes that can make cooperation feel way less like pulling teeth.

On Raising Good Humans, Dr. Aliza Pressman breaks down practical, no-nonsense strategies for getting kids to actually listen. Whether you have a toddler who treats “put your shoes on” like a suggestion or a teen who suddenly can’t hear you from three feet away, these tips are the reset you didn’t know you needed.

Kids Not Listening? The Fastest Way to Make Kids Take You Seriously

Stop asking—start telling (politely)

Here’s the trap almost every parent falls into: we phrase demands as questions. Do you want to come sit down for dinner? Do you want to put your shoes on? Do you want to give me your phone?

We think we’re being polite. But what we’re actually doing is giving a choice when there isn’t one—and kids pick up on that immediately.

“When we’re polite, we actually are giving a choice that isn’t a choice. So it’s not very polite because we’re not being clear,” Dr. Pressman explains. “And clarity is kindness.”

The fix is what she calls a “polite demand”—you say please, you give a reason, but you’re not pretending it’s optional.

What this sounds like:

❌ “Do you want to put your shoes on?”
✅ “Please put your shoes on so we can leave the house.”
❌ “Do you want to do your dishes?”
✅ “Please put your dishes in the sink.”

It’s still respectful. It’s still kind. But it’s clear. And clarity gets results.

The two-choice exception: When there IS a genuine choice to give, give exactly two options—not five, not ten. “Do you want broccoli or string beans?” “Do you want to clean your room before dinner or after?” Two choices gives them agency without overwhelming them. It’s like a restaurant menu: too many options and nobody can decide anything.

Stop fixing everything they do

Your kid loads the dishwasher—but not the way you would. Your kid makes their bed—but it’s lumpy. Your kid sets the table—but the forks are on the wrong side. And before you can stop yourself, you’re “helping” by redoing it.

But every time you fix their work, you’re telling them they can’t do it right. And if they can’t do it right, why bother trying?

“If you’re correcting how they load the dishwasher or how they make their bed, essentially you’re saying, ‘You don’t do it as well as I do. This is just a task I give you for no real purpose,'” Dr. Pressman says. “Instead, I want them to feel like, ‘I know you’re capable of doing this without me, and it doesn’t need to be perfect.'”

The move: Notice that they did it. Full stop. No “but.” No fixing. No redoing it after they leave the room.

Dr. Pressman calls adding criticism to praise “caboosing”—like when you say, “Thanks for putting the dishes away…I mean, it would’ve been nice if you rinsed them first, but thanks.” That little caboose at the end undoes all the goodwill of the thank you.

If the dishes have food stuck on them tomorrow morning? Either they’ll notice and learn, or you’ll quietly fix it. But in the moment, the praise stays clean. Because when kids feel like they’re never going to get it right enough, they stop trying altogether.

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Make it actually matter

Here’s a truth that applies to kids AND adults: nobody is motivated to do something that feels like busywork.

If you’re asking your kid to do something just because you feel like you should ask, or because you want them to “learn responsibility” in some abstract way, they can feel that. And it kills motivation.

“People want to feel like they matter, like they’re necessary, like their contributions matter,” Dr. Pressman says. Which makes sense—nobody, kid or adult, is excited about doing something that feels fake or pointless. But when what they do actually affects what happens next, suddenly it clicks, “Oh…this matters.”

What this looks like in practice:

If the dishes don’t get done, suddenly there’s nowhere to eat and everyone’s standing in the kitchen like, “…so what now?” If homework doesn’t get finished, the party or sleepover doesn’t happen. Not as a punishment. Just because that’s how life works.

This also means you need to let natural consequences happen. Don’t swoop in to fix it. Stop reminding them seventeen times. State the expectation once, then let them succeed or fail. “When you can bite your tongue, let them do or not do the task,” Dr. Pressman advises. “They need to see the natural consequences rather than having you fix it all and remind them that they don’t know how to do things without you.”

It’s uncomfortable to watch your kid blow it. But that discomfort is how they learn that their choices matter—which is ultimately what makes them want to cooperate in the first place.

For more insights, tune into Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman.