10 Divorce Moves Kristin Cavallari Wishes Someone Had Told Her Sooner

Deciding to get divorced is one thing. Figuring out what comes next is something else entirely.

Even when you know it’s the right decision, divorce can still feel overwhelming and emotional. There are legal pieces to think about, financial realities to sort through, kids to protect, and the very real task of holding yourself together while your life changes drastically. 

In an episode of Let’s Be Honest, host Kristin Cavallari breaks down the 10 things she wishes someone had told her before, during, and after her own divorce with ex-husband Jay Cutler. Some of it is about getting your paperwork and passwords in order. Some of it is about staying calm, protecting your peace, and resisting the urge to make a hard situation even messier. All of it, though, is helpful.

If you’ve already made up your mind and are wondering what to do next, here are the 10 steps Cavallari recommends taking.

1. Consult an attorney before you tell your spouse

Before you even have the conversation about divorce, Cavallari recommends getting legal advice. Understanding what the process might look like—from timelines to financial implications—can make a huge difference emotionally and strategically.

“Knowledge reduces fear,” she explains. “I think already having a conversation with an attorney about expectations, what it’s gonna look like, it empowers you.” Even one consultation can help you understand what you’re walking into.

2. Gather all your financial information

Another step Cavallari stresses before announcing the divorce is getting clear on your financial situation. That means knowing what assets you share, what debts exist, and what documents may be needed during legal proceedings.

“You need to know everything that you guys have together—your finances, your assets, you need to know about debts,” she stresses. Having that information ready prevents surprises once the legal process begins.

3. Change your passwords and protect your privacy

Once those divorce discussions start, Cavallari recommends protecting your digital life immediately. Update passwords for email, banking apps, social media, payment apps, and anything else tied to your personal accounts.

“You should change all of your passwords. Your passwords to everything,” she states. Even if you believe your spouse would never cross that boundary, heightened emotions can lead to unexpected behavior.

4. Don’t burn the house down on your way out

Divorce can trigger anger and ego-driven reactions, but Cavallari warns against saying things you’ll regret: “You don’t want to burn the house down on your way out. What you say and do in this crucial time is gonna live forever.”

Short-term emotional releases may feel satisfying in the moment, but they can make the entire process more difficult later.

5. Keep kids out of the adult drama

If children are involved, Cavallari says protecting them from the conflict should be a priority. Kids don’t need to hear details about arguments, legal battles, or blame.

“The most important thing for the kids is they need reassurance that it’s not their fault, mommy and daddy love you, and everything is gonna be okay,” she says. Keeping adult conversations away from them can help minimize the emotional impact.

6. Document everything if things turn messy

For high-conflict divorces, Cavallari recommends keeping records.

That may include saving text messages, screenshots, or any evidence related to custody or behavior concerns. “The more evidence you have, the stronger your case,” Cavallari says. While this step isn’t necessary for every situation, documentation can be crucial if legal issues escalate.

7. Share less information than you think you should

During divorce proceedings, Cavallari advises being cautious about what you share. Even casual details about your life can sometimes be used against you.

“I just think as little information as possible that your ex has over you,” she recommends. That doesn’t mean you have to be hostile—it simply means keeping boundaries around personal information.

8. Find a healthy outlet for the stress and take care of yourself

Divorce can take a serious emotional toll, which is why Cavallari says having an outlet is essential. For her, journaling and talking with a small group of trusted people helped her process the experience.

According to her, “It’s just so important that you get this out. You can’t keep all of this in and hold it to yourself.” Whether it’s therapy, writing, movement, or leaning on a close friend, releasing the stress matters.

9. Don’t rush to fill the void

After separation, the quiet can feel uncomfortable. Cavallari says that’s often when people rush into distractions or new relationships. “That stillness and that quiet is where the healing happens,” she notes.

Learning to sit with the transition can help you rebuild your life in a healthier way.

10. Remember that divorce can also be a fresh start

Even though divorce is painful, Cavallari believes it can also be transformative. It can offer space to rediscover yourself and rebuild your life in ways that weren’t possible before.

“Divorce can also be a rebirth,” she says, and encourages people to focus on what they can learn from the experience and how it can help them grow.

The takeaway

Divorce is rarely simple. It can bring uncertainty, emotional upheaval, and major life changes all at once.

But Cavallari says remembering one thing can make the process easier to go through: “Just know that everyone is gonna be OK.”

To hear all of Kristin Cavallari’s insights on divorce, listen to Let’s Be Honestwherever you get your podcasts.

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