Lele Pons Opens Up About the Pregnancy Experience She Never Wants to Sugarcoat

“I didn’t like being pregnant, I’m going to be honest.” Lele Pons doesn’t sugarcoat what it was like carrying her daughter, Eloísa. It’s the kick-off to an unfiltered conversation about pregnancy and the mental health challenges that come with it—and the reality that not everyone gets the picture-perfect scenario they show in the movies.

During an appearance on The Squeeze with host Tay Lautner, the actress, singer, and content creator looks back on the months leading up to motherhood, when stepping away from medication she’d relied on since she was a child forced her to confront her mental health in a completely new way. Pons speaks about becoming a first-time mom and why she’s no longer afraid to talk publicly about living with OCD, anxiety, depression and ADHD. 

Below are the highlights from the conversation, adapted from the episode.

Lele Pons on Motherhood and Mental Health

What was it really like coming off your mental health medication during pregnancy?

“It was a very hard pregnancy, because I had to immediately get rid of my mental health pills, my medication, and I’ve never been without them, [I’ve been on them] since I was 10. So I was…I didn’t know what was going to happen.”

Did pregnancy ever make you feel like you didn’t recognize yourself anymore?

“It was horrible. Everybody was like, ‘I’ve never…I can’t recognize her.’ You know, I was a different person. I was unbalanced…I gained 50 pounds when I was pregnant and I don’t like when people say like ‘The normal is this, the normal is this.’ No, no, no. The normal is whatever happens, you know. We’re all different. We all have different bodies. I’m not kidding. I gained 50 pounds, and then I was like, ‘OK, so I’m going to lose it later with the baby.’ No, no, you lose like 10 pounds when you give birth.”

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What’s been the biggest adjustment since becoming a mom?

“The responsibilities, how much you have to mature. You can’t forget stuff. You have to be on top of many things you weren’t before. I think it’s also my sleep. Like, you know, people think I have a night nurse. I don’t have a night nurse. I have my mom and me. My mom is a pediatrician, and she actually used to work night shifts in the hospital. So she helps me with the nighttime with the baby. So sometimes I do it, sometimes she does it. Sometimes also my husband wants to do it. But the good thing is that she sleeps throughout, but it’s what changes. I wake up like, ‘Is she OK?’ kind of thing. I wake up almost like I need to check everything’s OK. And it’s like, you don’t really sleep peacefully. You can, but you hear the baby cry, you’ve got to wake up.”

What do you wish more people understood about postpartum?

“I wish that people understood that it’s not personal. And I’m going to explain why, because sometimes your husband or your partner might think like, ‘My God, is she mad at me?’ You’re going to change a little bit because you’re going to be, you know, sometimes in a mood that is very…like they’re not used to that mood. It’s important for the husband to know you are going through something, and you should be unapologetically you during postpartum. This is your journey. And remember, everything is changing…So your body, after you give birth, you’re coming back to your normality. It takes you a while to go back to yourself mentally and everything. And postpartum is something very real. People don’t talk about it. It is very real, and people think like, ‘Oh, like, you know, but like back in the day, my grandmother didn’t cry.’ No, no, no, maybe she actually did. She just didn’t show it, but it’s a very common thing.”

How has becoming a mom changed the way you approach social media?

“100 percent. I’m very protective. I was always so public. And it’s one thing that they criticize, or they comment about me…but once you have a baby, you get very sentimental, you get very overprotective of what they say about your baby, or even them having opinions. It does affect me. One thing is me, one thing is my baby. So I have been very, you know, it’s almost like when I post about me, I’m like, ‘Oh yeah,’ but when I post about my baby or with my baby, it’s very uncomfortable sometimes.”

Why did you ultimately decide to show your daughter’s face online?

“So I was not going to show my baby. I was never going to show my baby. However, when I baptized my daughter, and somebody took a picture, and I said, before they show it and sell it to the world and then people make AI videos of my baby, I’m going to show it…But you know, after I showed her, I actually, if you see my stuff, I’ve only taken two pictures and posted her face like two times, three. And the rest, it’s not, it’s not her face. The good thing is that if you show her now, like I showed her, my husband said, ‘Listen, she will change. She will not be that baby.’ They change so much. I think it’s beautiful. If you don’t want to show her, don’t.”

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When did you first realize you had OCD—and what were the signs?

“I was 9 years old, almost 10, and I couldn’t stop touching the handle of the car. That’s how it happened. I couldn’t stop, close and open, close and open. And then my dad had to grab me, like literally for me to stop. I was crying and crying and crying because you don’t know. You don’t know why. It’s a feeling of like if you don’t touch something, something bad’s going to happen. You feel like, first of all, tingling. You feel very uncomfortable if you don’t do what OCD is telling you to do. So I didn’t understand why my body couldn’t control itself, almost. I had to touch it. And then my dad was trying to figure out what that was even called. My dad was asking around like, ‘What is this? She did this, this, this’…I was going to therapy already for my parents’ divorce, so he asked her, and she said, ‘Oh, I think she has OCD.’ I’ve always had it, but this one was more physical, you know. Before it was different.”

What made you decide to publicly share your OCD diagnosis?

“I wanted to do that series because I go to NBI Weston, which is a neurological behavior institution. And I’ve been going there since my God, I was like 10…One time that I was there, my doctor, my therapist, her name is Katia Moritz, she came to me, and she was like, ‘There’s a little girl who is a fan of you…and she does not want to get treatment because she thinks that she’s going to be different and laughed at. She doesn’t want to get treatment. So do you want to talk to her?’ And I was like, ‘Yes, I do. I want to talk to her so maybe I can push her.’ If somebody knows that your idol or someone that you admire is going through the same thing as you, it makes it easier to do stuff like that. So I went to her, and I was like, ‘Look, I’ve done this. I’ve been in that chair. It’s super cool to get therapy. It’s super normal.’ And she did. After she talked to me, she actually wanted to go…and I’ve seen her. So I was like, if I do this documentary, maybe I can educate parents. And I can educate everybody who maybe, by seeing me, they’re like, ‘Maybe I have that.’ Some people don’t even know they have OCD or bipolar or anything.”

What does taking care of your mental health look like today?

“Therapy has changed…actually, it hasn’t…I’m very strict with my OCD and my therapy. There was one time that I did not take my medication, and it was really bad. It was just like, you don’t want to be not in control of your brain.”

Would you do anything differently regarding pregnancy if you had another pregnancy?

“I’m afraid, but would I do it again? The thing is I was not prepared [the first time], but I would prepare myself. You know what I mean? You have to be a little bit of time without your medication, you know, and to see if you’re used to it. I wasn’t, so it was like a first for me not taking my medication.”

What have you had to unlearn to become a healthier version of yourself?

“I think I had to unlearn some mentalities of my family to become the person that I am. I mean, because remember, they grew up differently.  And some things that they believe don’t go with today. You know, and my family’s from Venezuela and my family’s also from Italy, OK, half, half, and I was born in Venezuela, so their beliefs are just different than mine. And I always had—I always believed what they would teach me. But then all of a sudden, I changed.”

To hear the full conversation with Lele Pons and her pregnancy and mental health journey, listen to The Squeeze wherever you get your podcasts.

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