Relationships

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger Shares Why Every Woman Needs a 3-Person Dating Roster

July 19, 2025

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger has made it her job to answer one simple dating question: Where are all the men? Don’t we all want to know! According to the reality TV show matchmaker, men in big cities like Los Angeles and New York left the big cities during the COVID-19 pandemic in search of states with lower tax rates. Stanger claims the hubs for meeting men in 2025 are Austin, Miami, South Florida, or Nashville.

“The men left during COVID,” Stanger says. “I’ve talked to so many men, and they realized that they could make money at their computers and not go into an office. All Wall Street is digital, and they work from home.”

Stanger was recently a guest on Let’s Be Honest and joined host Kristin Cavallari to discuss the dating world—the ups, the downs, and the awkwardness of it all. The duo discusses dating apps, differences for men and women in finding love, why women want men to make the first move, and non-negotiables in dating. If you are struggling to decipher why you’re not finding your match or where to meet someone, this one is for you.

The difference between men and women after a breakup

When women go through a breakup, Stanger says they’re likely to engage in self-help and reflection to grow. “As women level up (because we are the smarter sex), we are working on ourselves,” she explains. “Whether we go to the Hoffman Institute or we do EMDR therapy, we are going to find that healer, that psychic, or that therapist.”

Men, on the other hand, are going to sit on the couch, eat Häagen-Dazs, and be miserable until they decide to find another girl, Stanger says. “They immediately go on the app and go from one woman to the next, to the next because they don’t want to feel their feelings,” Stanger adds.

Why women want men to make the first move in dating

Cavallari and Stanger are both traditional when it comes to wanting a man to chase after them in dating, but Stanger says the power lies in women having the choice. “Women often don’t get choices,” she says. “How many straight men are really chasing these days?”

For Stanger, a New Jersey native, she was raised by a father who taught her that men should chase women. “I want to know that he saw me as the one; he said carpe diem, and he was the hunter, and I was the gatherer,” she explains.

Cavallari says it’s essential for men to put in a certain amount of effort initially and work for it. “My life feels very full, and I’m very content and happy on my own,” she adds. “I’m not looking to just have a warm body next to me. It must be someone who brings something to the table—but that’s hard to find.”

Where to meet someone IRL

For the guys, Stanger encourages them to first try anything spiritual or metaphysical. “Who cares? I don’t care about your belief—leave your belief at the door,” she says. “Second is like church, temple, or the mosque—wherever you go—because women go more than men.” She also encourages men to go to Pilates or yoga classes to meet women. “That is a gold mine for men,” she laughs. “It’s 80 percent women, and it’s always the cutest girls.”

Ladies, it’s time to pick up golf as a hobby. For women, Stanger encourages them to dip their toes into the sports world to meet more men. You’ll often find older men, and according to Stanger, if they belong to a country club, they’re rich. “Also, if you find one married man at one of these clubs, he is going to know someone single,” she adds.

She also encourages women to talk to men who work in predominantly male-dominated industries, such as finance, equity, law, and medicine. “The finance guys belong to private clubs, so we need to join private clubs and connect with the director there,” Stanger laughs.

The three-person dating rule

Dating is a numbers game, and according to Stanger, women should always have a pair and a spare. “You always have to date three people at the same time,” she says. “It’s very hard to get the roster moving, but once you get that first bite, it works.”

Stanger explains that the person at the bottom of your “dating roster” might not be someone you will marry, but he’s great to take to a party. He’s good-looking, but perhaps he’s not the right age, or his chapter of life doesn’t align with yours. The middle guy is cute and has a nice house, but there are some red flags. Perhaps he’s too short, has a lot of kids, or you don’t like his job. Then, there’s the main guy—the dreamboat who you have perfect chemistry with and attraction to.

The catch is: “You have to wait for the main guy to call, so you are always rotating the three,” Stanger says. “So, as you do this, you refine your taste, and you level up.”

Questions to ask to assess your compatibility

When you are newly dating someone, Stanger says there are a few questions you can ask to decipher if you have long-term potential:

How do you resolve conflict?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
What do you think about marriage and kids?

Stanger says the trick is to ask men important questions using the word “think” instead of “feel.” “Masculine men think, and feminine men feel,” she explains. “If he says, ‘I feel’ he has feminine energy, and if you don’t want to be masculine in your relationship, that’s not a match for you.”