On ‘Raising Good Humans’: The Mental Health Toolkit Every Parent Should Give Their Child Before College

The leap from high school to college has always been challenging, but today’s students are navigating a far more complicated landscape with unprecedented mental health pressures. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 50 percent of all lifetime mental illnesses begin by age 14, and 75 percent by age 24.

Dr. Chris Willard, a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School and co-author of College Mental Health 101, joins Dr. Aliza Pressman on Raising Good Humans to unpack what’s behind this crisis and how parents can set their kids up for success—without smothering their independence.

“Crisis vs. “Just crappy”

Not every tearful phone call from a college freshman signals a mental health crisis. One of the most important skills parents can develop is recognizing the difference between  normal adjustment struggles and situations that require immediate intervention. 

“The more we can stay calm and regulated, the more we can see a little bit more clearly,” Dr. Willard explains, emphasizing how crucial it is for parents to regulate themselves. When parents panic, students can misinterpret the situation: “They either fly home because they think something’s really wrong…or they hide it from us.”

Clear red flags include self-harm, suicide ideation, or substance abuse, which require immediate  professional attention. However, Willard notes that short-term homesickness, loneliness, or even a panic attack often resolve with support and time. He suggests encouraging students to connect with campus resources first, rather than rushing home. “Transitions are hard but survivable,” he says, adding that maintaining perspective helps parents avoid overreacting to the point of actually exacerbating issues.

Why today’s college transition is uniquely difficult

This generation of college students faces a perfect storm of mental health challenges that previous generations didn’t navigate. “The kids that are getting to college now were still part of that pandemic bubble,” Dr. Willard says. “It is still really impacting these young people, their ability to self-regulate, their ability to figure out, ‘how do I reach out and ask for help,’ the isolation that they went through.”

Layered on top of that is the influence of social media. Willard acknowledges its upside—“It’s amazing that social media has destigmatized mental health”—but warns that it’s also fueled “a massive amount of misinformation…and a lot of this self-diagnosis thing.”

This generation is also at a life stage when mental health conditions commonly emerge. “Genetically, this is the age when kids are going to start to experience their first mental health issues,” Willard explains. Current global events—climate change, political uncertainty, economic instability—only compound their stress. The result is a higher number of students leaving college early, in distress, and unsure how to navigate independence while facing unprecedented pressures.

Building skills before they leave home

Preparing teens for college success starts well before move-in day. Dr. Willard recommends using grades 9-10 to encourage teens “to be setting their own appointments with their therapist, to be setting their own reminder system to take their medication, to be advocating for themselves…with your support.” Use these years to help students learn to identify their own red flags and understand any diagnoses, gradually shifting responsibility for self-care from parent to child. 

Most importantly, help them plan how they’ll access accommodations, communicate with roommates about needs, and decide “Who do I want to tell?” about their mental health, ensuring they arrive on campus ready to self-advocate.

Finding support through structure

College eliminates high school’s built-in routines—meals, gym class, friends in the cafeteria. For students with anxiety or depression, this lack of structure can be destabilizing. Without these anchors, simple habits can easily slip, often with ripple effects on mental health. Skipping the dining hall out of shyness or avoiding the gym because it’s unfamiliar can worsen mood, energy, and focus. Willard suggests weaving structure back into daily life by linking it to social connections: “If you make the friends who then go to the dining hall with you…if you go to the gym with your roommate…those things actually can help.”

Students should also identify at least one trusted adult early on, even if they don’t think they’ll need support right away. “It doesn’t have to be a therapist,” he says, suggesting students can find solace in a professor or a coach instead—and orientation week is the perfect time to make these introductions. Willard notes that even brief meetings can make a difference: “They know where the office is, they know there’s a friendly face there…they now know that resource is there.” This familiarity can lower the barrier to asking for help later.

He encourages students to explore multiple campus hubs—from cultural and spiritual centers to student organizations—not only for shared interests but also for the people they might meet. “The activity matters much less than the people that you find there,” Willard explains.

Shifting from manager to consultant

For many parents, sending a child to college means walking a fine line between stepping back and stepping in. “Parents say, ‘I want my kid to be independent…but I also don’t want them to fall on their face,’” Dr. Willard explains. This push-and-pull can be especially tough when a student has existing mental health needs. 

To combat this, he encourages parents to shift from the role of “boss” or “manager” to more of a “consultant.” That means offering guidance and resources without taking over. Instead of doing, ask: “Do you want me to find five therapists in town and you call three? Do you want me to help you get in touch with your old therapist?”

Establish communication expectations before the semester begins. Whether it’s weekly calls or more flexible check-ins, the goal is to stay connected without micromanaging. 

Want more tips? Listen to the full episode of Raising Good Humans to hear Dr. Willard’s complete list of practical tips for supporting college students.

Read Next

• Emily Oster On Why Parenting ‘Rules’ Are Making Us Miserable
• On ‘After Bedtime’: Why Gentle Parenting vs. ‘F**k Around and Find Out’ Will Both Screw Up Your Kids
• The Childhood Wound You Might Not Know You’re Carrying