What Postpartum Depression Really Looks Like—And Why So Many Moms Suffer in Silence

Postpartum depression is often talked about in clinical terms, but far less often in the messy, lived-in reality of what it actually feels like. In a vulnerable episode of After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings, co-host Dina Margolin opens up about her recent experience with postpartum depression, sharing not just the tears and exhaustion, but the shame, fear, and dark thoughts that made her realize she needed help. Joined by her best friend and co-host Kristen Gallant, Margolin talks candidly about how postpartum depression crept in and how it affected the way she saw herself as a mother.

And postpartum depression isn’t a checklist or a one-size-fits-all experience. It can build slowly and feel really confusing at first, leaving many moms to blame themselves for something that is not their fault. But the hosts make one thing clear: struggling after birth does not make someone a bad mom, and asking for help is not weakness. It is often the bravest step forward.

What postpartum depression can actually look like in real life

Postpartum depression isn’t simply feeling sad, and it does not always begin immediately after giving birth. In Margolin’s case, it happened around four months postpartum, when things that had already felt difficult suddenly became much heavier. “Day by day, I was feeling really tired and burnt out,” she says, explaining that she initially assumed rest would help. “I’m sure I’m gonna feel different and feel better. And I didn’t, it just kept going.”

She describes PPD as something that escalated quickly. “Things were hard, hard, hard, then dropped off a cliff for me,” she says. From there, everyday life became consumed by crying spells she could not control. “I was walking around with just like nonstop tears in my eyes,” she recalls. “I just was right on the verge of crying and was crying like most of the day.”

She talks about trying all the tools she would normally rely on, from meditating to resting more, only to find that “nothing seemed to be working.” That disconnect is part of what made the experience so frightening. She knew something was wrong, but she could not immediately explain why.

The thoughts many moms feel ashamed to admit

Margolin explains that the shame surrounding postpartum depression can be just as painful as the symptoms themselves, especially when it affects how a parent shows up for their children. “This is the part that I’m actually…the most ashamed to speak about,” she says. “I just couldn’t show up as the mom I wanted to be.”

As the depression deepened, that guilt quickly spiraled into harsh self-judgment. She describes moments when she felt overwhelmed and reacted in ways she normally worked hard to avoid, like yelling. Instead of seeing it as a symptom of what she was going through, her mind immediately turned it into proof that she was failing. “I was falling apart, honestly,” she says. “I feel bad, I’m struggling now with me showing up and impacting my kids this way.”

Those thoughts eventually led to an even darker place. Margolin recalls lying in bed feeling like everything was ruined and believing her family would be better off without her. “I was like, that’s it, I ruined it. Everything’s ruined,” she says. “I’m a sh*tty a** mom…they don’t deserve this, I should not be here.”

But these kinds of intrusive thoughts are far more common than people realize, even though few parents feel safe saying them out loud. 

Why postpartum depression is not a measure of whether you’re a good mom

But that’s the thing, PPD has nothing to do with whether someone is a “good” or “bad” parent. Depression can distort how a person sees themselves, especially during an already intense stage of motherhood.

Gallant reminds listeners that the behaviors many moms feel ashamed about—irritability, anger, snapping at their kids, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed—are symptoms, not moral failures. “Your symptoms, meaning your irritability, your anger, your short-temperedness—those are symptoms,” she explains. “That is not a choice, and it doesn’t make you a bad mom.”

As Margolin struggled to function day to day, her mind kept telling her she had permanently damaged her children. But when she later checked in with them about those difficult moments, their response surprised her. “I was like, you remember when I was crying and yelling?” she recalls asking. “And they were like, ‘No, like I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re good.’”

And that exchange is what helped her shift her perspective. Parents often hold onto guilt far longer than their children hold onto the moment itself. Mistakes do not define a parent or a family dynamic. “Repair is always possible,” she says. “You have that great foundation…and then there’s moments like this in real life, and we’re gonna be OK.”

The signs it may be time to reach out for help

Recognizing when to seek help can be difficult, especially when someone is trying to push through and manage things on their own. But there are certain warning signs that signal it may be time to talk to a doctor, therapist, or mental health professional. In Margolin’s case, several symptoms made it clear she needed support.

Some of the signs she shares include:

• Persistent, uncontrollable crying
• Feeling hopeless or overwhelmed by daily life
• Difficulty eating or sleeping
• Feeling unable to function or care for her children the way she wanted to
• Intrusive or frightening thoughts

The small steps that can begin the path forward

Once Margolin recognized she needed help, the next step was focusing on small, manageable actions rather than trying to fix everything at once. She reached out to her doctor, restarted therapy, and began exploring additional support options. “I called my doctor,” she says, recalling the moment she finally admitted what she was going through during a screening conversation. Saying those words out loud—including acknowledging thoughts of harming herself—was difficult, but it opened the door to real support.

She also resumed EMDR therapy, a treatment that had helped her during a previous postpartum period when she struggled with anxiety. “EMDR can be really, really effective for a situation like this,” she explains, adding that it helped stabilize her and expand her emotional bandwidth while she worked through the depression.

Another important shift was accepting help at home. Her husband stepped in to take on more of the daily parenting responsibilities so she could rest and focus on her recovery. That meant lowering expectations, protecting her energy, and allowing herself space to heal.

But even with those changes, recovery for Margolin has not been instant. She says she still feels “very fragile right now,” describing a lingering “low-grade kind of sadness in the background.” But compared to where she was before, the hopelessness has eased.

If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or struggling with suicidal thoughts, help is available 24 hours a day through the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

To hear the full conversation on postpartum depression, listen to After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings wherever you get your podcasts.

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