Nia Sanchez Says ‘The Valley’ Wasn’t the Show She Thought She Signed Up For

Reality TV has turned Nia Sanchez into one of The Valley‘s most talked-about cast members, but spend five minutes listening to her and it’s obvious she’s still approaching the chaos a little differently than everyone else. She’s sweet, humble, and just plain gets it—but she’s also the last person you’d want to underestimate. After all, she’s a fourth-degree black belt who’s more than capable of holding her own.

On Not Skinny But Not Fat, the former Miss USA opens up to host Amanda Hirsch about everything that’s happened since cameras started rolling—from raising four kids under five and navigating postpartum while filming to the reality of becoming the center of a storyline she never expected. Along the way, she chats about her unconventional childhood, the fertility journey that led to her family, and why she’s still not convinced she’s built for reality television.

Below are the highlights from the conversation, adapted from the episode.

Nia Sanchez Says ‘The Valley’ Wasn’t the Show She Thought She Signed Up For

How did martial arts end up changing your life?

“My dad forced me into taekwondo when I was 8 years old because we had moved to a new city and I was so shy and so introverted. And my dad, he worked at a prison, and so he saw all the worst [types of people]. He was a sergeant at originally Folsom and then Chino. So Folsom’s like really intense and then Chino is also intense. So he saw the worst of the worst people in the world, and then he saw his little girl be so introverted.

I would stare at my feet when I walked down the street, like I didn’t want to talk to anybody. And he was like, ‘We got to get this confidence built up.’ So yeah, he put me into martial arts, and I told him I wouldn’t join unless he did. So then my brother and my dad joined, and we all trained through the ranks together.”

What was your childhood really like after your parents divorced?

“My parents separated when I was about seven years old, and [I] moved with my mom to the state of Oregon where her family was. We kind of bounced around before that. That’s when we were living in a women’s shelter, and we were sleeping on couches or tents in people’s backyards for a while. And then my aunt was like, ‘You can come stay with us.’ So we went and stayed with my aunt and uncle and two cousins, and then they sold their house, so we moved in with my mom’s step-grandma for a bit, and…six or seven of us or more were living in that house. And then they had built a new house, and so we moved into the house with them. So we’re kind of bouncing around a lot, but eventually moved back to California as their divorce proceedings continued…

…To this day, we still don’t know why exactly my dad got full custody…My dad ended up getting custody of us. So my mom actually moved out of state. She moved to Washington, where her mom was to live with her mom. So it was a really hard time.”

You’ve always wanted a big family. Where did that come from?

“I feel like it’s just intrinsic. It’s just like something inside of me. I’ve always loved my little baby cousins growing up. I remember Daniel and I actually got into it a little bit more. I was just speaking out of kind of fear and anger once, but I was like, ‘I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but I’m afraid to give birth. I want to get pregnant, but I’m terrified of the next step. But after that, I’ll be fine once we have the kids…’ 

…I’ve always loved kids. I volunteered in Sunday school growing up in high school. I then worked at Disney where I got to spend time with little kids all day long. I taught martial arts to all the little kids, like the little toddler classes. So I’ve always loved kids.”

Why did you still want a fourth baby even when life already felt overwhelming?

“I don’t know…I think [I had] two trains of thought. One, I remember we were holding the twins at like five weeks old, both of them, after nursing them and being like, ‘Oh, I want one more.’ So I’m a little bit of a crazy person in that sense because they’re like literally newborns. I’m like, ‘Just one more.’ But I think also the twin pregnancy…there was a lot of traumatizing things. There were a lot of health scares…So I didn’t get to really enjoy the pregnancy. I didn’t get to kind of wrap my mind around like, ‘OK, this is my last pregnancy.’ And I didn’t feel like our family was complete. Daniel and I had always said before we ever had kids, we said we either want two or four. We never said three…I still want it. I still love it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard.”

What did your fertility journey look like before you became a mom?

“We really struggled to get pregnant the first time around. We went through fertility treatments, we did the whole thing, and it took us 18 cycles. We tried 18 times to get pregnant. We went to IUIs; we did all the injections, all the shots, and nothing was working. Three failed IUIs…We were getting ready for IVF…And then a few months later, I was doing fertility acupuncture and this really incredible Chinese doctor and he was so confident. He was like, ‘Give me a few months. Tell me exactly what day you are in your cycle and I’ll get you pregnant.’ And he did.”

How did you know Danny was the person you wanted to marry?

“He asked me out on a date before book club and took me to Runyon Canyon…He passed my non-negotiable questions. I had a first date. I would push all my non-negotiables out there…We’re people of faith, so it was like, ‘Are you a person of faith? Do you love God?’ And then number two was, ‘Will you go with me to Disney and never get tired of it?’…And then, ‘Will you at least be tolerable of cats?'”

Were you prepared for what reality TV would actually be like?

“The way it was sold to us was, it’s not going to be that crazy Vanderpump drama. Like we’re in a different stage of life. Instead of popping bottles, it’s popping baby bottles…The drama is going to be like the girls go to a weekend in Palm Springs and the dads are trying to figure out how to change diapers. So we were sold a different experience than we got. We were not prepared.”

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What was going through your mind while filming postpartum with four young kids?

“I do remember throwing it all the way back to season one when Michelle was trying to fill me in with her drama with somebody, and I just started crying. I’m just like, ‘I don’t have time for your petty drama.’ And this time around, I feel like I was more in almost like survival where, like almost like head down, just focus on getting through the moment because it is exhausting and overwhelming, and I am the type of person to just be like, ‘Take a deep breath.’ And be like, ‘I got this,’ whatever it is, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

Did you ever question whether reality TV was worth it?

“I didn’t think that the same conversation would be happening a second season in a row. I was like, ‘Oh, well, people have other things going on in their life, other dramatic things or other stories to tell.’ We have enough drama and things going on in our own life. We have a whole bunch of stories to tell just with kids and homeschool and the juggle of it all… My first instinct naturally is to just kind of pull inward, almost like a protective thing of like, ‘Oh, I don’t like this,’ and just kind of protect my heart a little bit. And then there are moments where I’m just over it.”

What do you wish people understood about Danny’s drinking storyline?

“I don’t know how it all kind of panned out…It’s wild that that all panned out the way it did because at that party, that pool party, Daniel and I were outside playing—he was actually partners with Kristen. I was standing next to him. Brittany was partners, I think with Melissa, and they were playing beer pong while Daniel had a White Claw and was drinking it. So I don’t know why two weeks later, Brittany tells Jasmine, ‘I know that Daniel told Nia he wasn’t drinking at my pool party.’ I’m like, you were 10 feet away from him playing beer pong while he was drinking, and I was standing next to him, so I’m not sure why even things like that were said except for we’re painting this picture…Everyone was drinking and he was having a White Claw right next to Brittany and me at the same time.”

What’s your relationship with Janet like now?

“I don’t think we’ll ever be best friends…It never made it into any of the cuts, but I very much, in interviews, was like, ‘I don’t think about her. Like she’s just like a tree in the corner. Like I don’t even make eye contact.’ Like that’s just how I felt when we were filming at that time. She is not someone that I put a lot of thought towards unless I was forced to because of a conversation or something like that. But otherwise it’s OK. She’s just another person there that I don’t know anymore.”

To hear the full conversation, listen to Not Skinny but Not Fat wherever you get your podcasts.

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