‘Tell Me More’ Says Some Friends Were Never Built for Depth—And That’s Okay

You know how it goes. A friendship fades—or implodes—and suddenly you’re in the group chat dissecting every detail, trying to figure out who’s the bad guy. What did she do? What did I miss? Was she always like this, or did I just not see it? We’ve been trained to turn every ending into a story with a hero and a villain, because that’s easier than sitting with the uncomfortable truth: sometimes friendships just…end. And nobody has to be wrong for that to be true.

On Tell Me More, host Nicole Walters digs into the messy, painful, weirdly taboo topic of friendship transitions—and offers a reframe that might change how you think about the people you’ve outgrown. Whether you’re currently side-eyeing a friendship that feels off or still grieving one that slowly expired, this one’s for you.

On Friendship Ending: Some Friends Were Never Built for Depth—& That’s Okay

Some friendships were never built for depth

“Some friendships were not built for depth,” Walters says. “They were built for convenience. They were built for proximity. They were built for industry. They were built for certain experiences, and that’s okay too.”

Think about the friends who made perfect sense in a specific chapter. The work bestie. The friend from the city you lived in for two years. The one you always saw because your routines overlapped. The connection was real, but it was built for that moment, not every version of you.

And even when love is still there, Walters explains that “not everyone has the capacity to support you through the transition of your life. For some of us, we have baggage that is only truck-sized and your friend has a convertible.” 

Some people can handle the fun, the highlights, and the easy versions of you, but they don’t know what to do when things get heavier. They’re not cruel or careless. They’re just not equipped for that kind of load.

You don’t need a villain

“I think that in movies, in narratives and books, in society, because of storytelling and because of how we’re ingrained to believe…we believe that there has to be a villain and there has to be something that makes them unlovable,” Walters says. “We need a motive. We need motivations.”

But real life isn’t a movie. “You don’t even need to label them as a villain,” she points out. “You don’t need to have a big messy friendship breakup. You don’t need to blow it all up. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just let it go. And it doesn’t have to mean anything about you.”

This is the part that’s hard for a lot of us. We want closure. We want to understand. We want the conversation, the explanation, the cathartic confrontation scene. But sometimes the kindest thing—for you and for them—is to loosen your grip and move forward.

Walters offers a reframe that might help: “Instead of saying ‘I’m losing people’…I just want you to think of it as making space for what is aligned for the next chapter.” You’re not losing. You’re making room.

The two questions that actually matter

So how do you know which friendships are worth protecting as you evolve, and which ones might be gently running their course? Walters says it comes down to two simple questions:

First: Does this person champion my joy?

“It’s easy to find people who will champion your wins, your successes, your accomplishments,” Walters says. “Heck, I can find that for free on the internet.”

Likes are easy. Congratulatory texts are easy. What’s rarer are the people who are genuinely happy because you’re happy, even when your joy doesn’t look impressive or make sense to them. The friends who don’t interrogate your excitement or low-key project their fears onto your good moments. The ones who don’t need to understand every detail to celebrate with you.

Those are the people who aren’t competing with your happiness or waiting for the other shoe to drop. They’re just glad you found a moment of joy and want to be in it with you.

Second: Do they celebrate my becoming?

This one goes deeper. Celebrating your becoming isn’t about the big reveal or the polished end result. It’s about whether someone notices the work while you’re still in it.

“Do they celebrate the transition and the change and the work to get there?” Walters asks. “Are they looking at you in the process and saying, ‘Girl, I saw you were at the gym three times this week’?”

In other words, do they see your effort before it turns into a headline? Do they encourage you while you’re still figuring it out, still unhinged, still unsure? Or do they only show up once you’ve arrived somewhere that feels comfortable for them?

When you answer those two questions honestly, a lot becomes clear. “[If] the answer isn’t a confident yes,” Walters says, “then it is an intentional release. If it ain’t a hell yes, it’s a hell no!”

That doesn’t mean cutting people off or making dramatic announcements. It means trusting yourself enough to stop forcing closeness where alignment no longer exists. Letting the right people stay close. Letting the rest fade without turning it into a story about failure. Because as Walters reminds us, you’re not losing people. You’re making space for relationships that can actually meet you where you are now—and where you’re going next.

For more insights, tune into Tell Me More, streaming now wherever you get your podcasts.

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