‘Note to Self’ Breaks Down Why You Still Feel Disconnected After ‘Doing the Work’

If you’ve been doing everything “right” and still feel like your brain is buffering, Payton Sartain gets it. On Note to Self, she basically says your routines can look impressive while your body is still stuck on high alert. “I feel like right now I have a baseline of being kind of anxious and being a little bit numb as well,” she admits, and that combo can make life feel like you’re watching it instead of living it.

Her big point lands clean: “I really think it’s more of a nervous system problem than it is like a mindset problem.” In other words, you can’t logic your way into presence if your system is braced for impact. The episode turns into a practical menu of somatic rituals—small, doable shifts that help you come back online without turning self-care into another performance.

When optimization becomes emotional avoidance

Perhaps the sneakiest form of self-sabotage is when self-improvement starts acting like a distraction. “I’m optimizing, I’m having my morning smoothie, I’m doing my workout, I’m doing my f**king journaling, I’m doing all these things” Sartain says, and admits she still feels off. Because at a certain point, the routine stops being supportive and starts being armor.

Her tell is how familiar the loop feels. You stack the habits, tighten the schedule, perfect the inputs…and you’re still walking around feeling disconnected. That’s when “better” turns into busier. You’re doing so much work on yourself that you don’t have to be with yourself.

So instead of adding another wellness task, Sartain frames the real fix as regulation first: “I really think it’s more of a nervous system problem than it is like a mindset problem.”

Presence isn’t a thought, it’s regulation

You can understand yourself inside and out and still feel disconnected if your body never gets the memo. When your system is stuck in overdrive, thinking harder just adds more noise. “You really don’t think your way into alignment, you kind of have to regulate yourself there,” Sartain says. Presence, in her view, comes from safety in the body first, not a breakthrough realization.

That’s why she reframes alignment as something you allow instead of achieve. When you’re regulated, your body can drop out of constant anticipation and into the moment. And when that happens, calm isn’t something you force—it shows up naturally.

A simple ritual that sounds easy until you try it

Out of all the practices Sartain mentions, this one sounds harmless and then immediately humbles you: “walking without headphones.” No podcast. No music. No background noise buffering your thoughts. Just you, outside, with your senses fully online.

“At first, this was really anxiety-inducing for me because I love a headphone walk,” she admits. Silence doesn’t feel calming when your nervous system is used to constant input—it feels loud. “I would challenge yourself to start with like 10 minutes of walking and really connect with your senses,” Sartain advises. What surprised her most is how quickly resistance turned into relief. Forgetting her headphones forced her into it, and over time, the quiet stopped feeling threatening. “I try to do a few things in silence every single day because it just makes me, honestly, a little more calm.”

The nervous system basics that actually change the day

You won’t find immediate regulation with a dramatic breakthrough—it’s more about small, intentional physical cues that tell your body it’s safe. One of her go-tos is “nasal breathing with longer exhales” because “this stimulates the vagus nerve.” It’s subtle, but it shifts you out of constant go-mode without needing to stop your day.

She also calls out how screens keep us mentally split. Eating while scrolling sounds harmless until you notice how disconnected it feels. That’s why she prioritizes “eating without screens,” especially at dinner, so presence doesn’t get postponed for later.

Even showers become part of the reset. A low-lit, intentional shower turns a daily habit into a sensory anchor. Warm water, slower pace, fewer inputs. All of it works because it meets the nervous system where it actually lives—in the body, not the planner.

The ‘empty brains’ assignment for chronic overthinkers

Over-intellectualizing everything doesn’t make you feel better, it just keeps you at a distance. “Empty brains is what we’re going for,” Sartain says. Get out of observer mode and back into sensation mode. Sartain admits that constantly tracking patterns and meanings keeps her from feeling present, and regulation starts when you stop trying to understand your way through it.

Her homework is intentionally low-pressure. “I don’t want you to fix anything, I just want you to notice.” Breath, posture, appetite, pace. No optimizing, no diagnosing, no self-improvement spiral. Just data from your body, in real time. For chronic overthinkers, that’s not nothing—it’s the work.

For spirals, go physical and specific

When your brain starts sprinting, stop trying to think your way out. “The hot girls are also crazy,” Sartain jokes, and that’s exactly why spirals need body-based interruptions, not pep talks.

Her first move is grounding through sensation. “Name five physical sensations, what you can see, what you can hear, what you can feel.” It pulls you out of the future and back into the room you’re actually in. If that’s not enough, try actual sensation. “Cold water on the face” or ice rolling sounds dramatic, but the shock works because it forces your nervous system to reset in real time.

She also swears by literal grounding. Going outside, touching the earth, feeling your feet on the ground. It doesn’t fix the problem, but it stops the free fall. The throughline is clarity, not comfort. When you spiral, vague self-care won’t land. Physical, specific cues give your body something solid to grab onto until the moment passes.

To hear Payton Sartain’s full conversation on getting out of your head, listen to Note to Self wherever you get your podcasts.

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