The ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ Era Is Over—10 Steps to Raising Kids Who Take Accountability

Boys don’t magically grow into emotionally safe men. They’re built in a thousand ordinary moments—the way we respond to tears, the way we interrupt harm, the way we model repair, the way we treat consent like a daily practice instead of a someday lecture.

After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings host Deena Margolin names the stuff many parents feel but don’t always say out loud: “boys will be boys” has been a quiet permission slip for low standards. And the antidote isn’t shame or fear-based parenting…it’s skills. Real, teachable, repeatable skills that start in toddlerhood and show up later in friendships, partnerships, workplaces, and yes, even college.

10 Tips for Parenting Boys Into Men

Here are 10 actions you can start today that shape boys into men who can feel, respect boundaries, take accountability, and be safe to love.

1. Use more feeling words than you think you need

Try today: Narrate what you see—“Your face looks tight. Are you frustrated? Disappointed? Embarrassed?” The goal is to build a vocabulary for the inner world.

2. Normalize the full range of emotions (including tears)

Try today: When your kid cries, resist the reflex to “fix” or toughen. Say: “Crying makes sense. I’m here.” Emotional expression is emotional literacy.

3. Teach them that anger is allowed, harm is not

Try today: Separate feeling from behavior. “You can be mad. You cannot hit.” Then give a replacement action (see #4).

4. Give anger a ‘safe exit ramp’

Try today: Build a tiny menu of safe releases your child can choose from. Keep it physical and simple: stomp 10 times, wall push, rip paper, shake out arms, breathe/count.

5. Look under the anger for what’s really happening

Try today: After things calm, play detective together. “Was it really mad…or were you feeling left out? Rejected? Sad?” This is how boys learn that emotions are layered, not just loud.

6. Make consent a daily habit—not a one-time talk

Try today: Practice it in play and family routines. Before tickling: “Do you want tickles?” When they say stop, go big. “I heard stop—I’m stopping right away.” Your exaggeration becomes their blueprint.

7. Stop forcing physical affection (and give alternatives)

Try today: Offer options like a hug, high-five, wave, fist bump, blow a kiss. The lesson is that their body belongs to them—and so does everyone else’s.

8. Teach boys periods and care work like it’s normal…because it is

Try today: Use plain language, answer questions, and model partnership. “A real partner is gonna show up for their partner in the times when they are not 100 percent,” Margolin says.

9. Assign real life skills early (and let them see men doing them)

Try today: Give one small household role that’s theirs. Maybe it’s to wipe counters, match socks, “dishwasher helper,” snack prep. Don’t frame it as helping mom—frame it as being a member of a family.

10. Practice repair and accountability out loud—including your own

Try today: Make repair the norm, not the exception. A simple template to follow? Name it → own it → impact → plan → reconnect. Kids who learn this grow into men who can be trusted.

And one line from Margolin that’s worth writing on a sticky note: “You never scare people you love. You never control people that you love.”

When that becomes the culture at home, boys actually learn what love is supposed to feel like: safe, respectful, accountable, human.

To hear all of Margolin’s insights on parenting boys, listen to After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings wherever you get your podcasts.

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