7 Habits Payton Sartain Dropped to Simplify Her Life and Feel at Peace

At some point, peace stops being a Pinterest quote and begins to feel like a daily decision. For Note to Self host Payton Sartain, that moment came as she stepped into her early thirties. After a decade of living online—building a career from content creation, brand partnerships, and constant digital connection—she realized her real work was subtracting, not adding. “Life is complicated,” she says. “If I can control simplifying it, I’m gonna do that for sure.”

Here’s what Sartain says she’s intentionally learned to leave behind to feel more grounded—and how doing less can actually make you feel more whole.

Other people’s definition of success

Sartain says the biggest thing she’s left behind is chasing milestones that don’t actually mean anything to her. She uses marriage as an example: while she’s excited to get married, it doesn’t feel like an achievement to cross off a list. “Congrats for working hard and, you know, finding something that can work,” she laughs, adding that what matters more is the growth and grace it takes to build a real relationship.

The same goes for her career. Hitting traditional “success” markers—such as making social media her full-time job—didn’t bring the fulfillment she had expected. So, she started setting goals that actually reflect her values, such as making her first angel investment in a women-led sustainability company. Once you stop trying to live someone else’s version of a “successful” life, you finally make space for your own peace to move in.

Performative friendships

Peace often starts with who you let sit closest to you. In Sartain’s 20s, she kept friendships out of habit or obligation—people she’d known forever, even when the connection had clearly run its course. Now, she doesn’t force it. “I don’t mean having friendship breakups,” she explains. “I just mean removing my energy from things I don’t intuitively feel connected with anymore.”

That doesn’t come from bitterness; it comes from clarity. She says her circle is more like a “board of directors”—a small group of people she trusts and respects. And if someone’s consistently draining or out of alignment, she steps back without guilt. Choosing peace sometimes means letting go of relationships that make you feel smaller instead of supported.

The need to justify every choice

Online or off, Sartain noticed how quickly a simple preference becomes a debate. Post an opinion, and strangers demand a thesis. Her new boundary is to stop explaining herself to people who aren’t listening in good faith. “Most people that are doing that don’t really want to hear your justification anyway, so it’s kind of like a moot point… it’s not really gonna help any situation,” she says.

Real-life practice? Wedding decisions. When questioned about traditions, she has given no rationale. “I don’t need to explain it to you why… I don’t need to justify that it’s the right thing or the wrong thing, because it’s just what I want, in the end,” she states. Save your explanations for collaborators, close friends, or moments of real accountability. Everyone else can live with, “This is what works for me.”

Being constantly available

One of the most significant shifts for Sartain’s peace came from realizing she doesn’t owe anyone constant access. For years, she treated her DMs, texts, and emails like a customer service hotline. “It feels like everyone’s yelling at me all at once,” she admits. The pressure to respond instantly left her anxious and burnt out.

Now, she’s done glorifying accessibility. “Not being available to everyone isn’t a failure,” she says. Instead, it’s a form of self-preservation. Now, she texts once a day, has a time limit for DMs, and lets herself fully disconnect without guilt. Quiet time is maintenance. 

Comparison culture

Comparison is bound to sneak in. Still, Sartain has learned that measuring herself against anyone else is a losing game. “You never know what’s actually happening in their lives,” she says.

She uses the classic supermodel example to drive it home. Admiring someone’s beauty or success doesn’t mean you have to want it for yourself—especially if it’s not even realistic. Sartain calls these “micro-comparisons”—those fleeting thoughts when you see someone’s engagement post or a 20-person bachelorette party and wonder if you’re behind. When she catches herself doing it, she pauses and re-centers.

The productivity Olympics

For most of her twenties, Sartain was addicted to being busy. Work meant worth—and slowing down felt like failure. She says that productivity has always been solace for her. However, over time, that constant hustle stopped being effective. The turning point came when she realized that working harder didn’t always make a difference. “Sometimes if I work less, I’m actually more successful,” she explains. It’s the classic “work smarter, not harder” lesson, but one she had to experience firsthand. Now, she’s learning to value rest the same way she once valued output.

Letting go of the “Productivity Olympics” hasn’t been easy. Stillness makes her uneasy—like something bad might happen if she’s not doing enough. But she’s pushing through that discomfort, calling it a kind of “stress detox.” 

The fantasy of having it all figured out

Sartain ends her list with a reminder that’s both humbling and freeing—nobody actually has it all figured out. Not your boss, not your best friend, not even the person who looks perfectly put-together online. “The norm,” she says, “is actually really figuring it all out means understanding that you’re not gonna have it figured all out.”

For her, peace comes from releasing the illusion of control. Life is a constant experiment, and pretending otherwise only creates anxiety. “We’re all reaching new eras of ourselves, we’re all reaching new milestones, we’re all taking on new identities and leaving things behind and moving forward,” she says. Trying to master it all is a trap; accepting the uncertainty is what lets you breathe.

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