Why No One Is Ever Prepared for Parenthood, According to Penn Badgley

Every parent has a moment in their life when they realize the same truth Penn Badgley did: nothing in the world actually prepares you for bringing a new baby home. And in his case, it wasn’t just one baby. It was identical twin boys. On Not Skinny But Not Fat, he unpacks the very real, very messy, and surprisingly grounding experience of raising four boys under one roof.

The best books can’t prepare you

Badgley explains that going into the twins’ birth, he already knew the truth that most parents learn the hard way. “I think what I knew going into it was that I couldn’t be prepared,” he says. “I don’t think anything really prepares you. I think you’re ready to be in it or you’re not.”

He goes on to describe the moment every parent remembers. “They give you the baby, and you go home. It’s on you,” he says. Which, in essence, is what parenthood is all about. It doesn’t care about timing or readiness; it just hands over responsibilities and a well-stocked diaper bag.

Life with twins hits completely differently

The jump from one child to twins—and having the dreaded “three under three”—is a reality check. “When you have one, it’s like, he’s sleeping, I can chill or eat,” he says. “But now it’s like, no.”

Badgley admits he knew people with twins, but nothing prepared him for actually living twin dad life. “I can’t believe they didn’t really say when they were going through it, like, this is insane,” he adds.

Badgley even laughs at the way your threshold for “hard” shifts overnight. “Compared to one…you’re like, that’s easy,” he says. But when he manages both babies at once, he has a moment of awe: “I’m just like, oh my God, if there was one less… I love them, obviously. But I’m like marveling at the fact that no, twins are crazy.”

When life hands you spontaneous identical twins

Badgley’s twins weren’t planned, expected, or medically assisted. “It wasn’t IVF,” he explains. “All of a sudden, they were two heartbeats. Spontaneous.” He adds that they’re “the more rare kind,” clarifying that identical twins are the most spontaneous type. As they grow, the resemblance only intensifies. “In the very beginning, it was very easy to tell them apart,” he notes. “But the bigger they get…they’re becoming more and more identical.”

Trying to do the parenting while getting help for everything else

Badgley also opens up about how he and his wife approach support. “The more kids we have, the more we understand,” he says. “We really want to be doing all of the parenting things. And then it’s the other stuff that we need help with.”

He explains that finding trustworthy childcare isn’t simple. “Childcare is the place and the people who are raising your children when you are not. It’s a big old thing and it’s not easy to find,” he says.

Parenting is disorienting, consuming, exhilarating, and exhausting — all at the same time. And as Badgley reminds us, nobody is ever ready. You just step into chaos and learn to love the life you’re building inside it.

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