On ‘Let’s Be Honest,’ Rachel Bilson Reflects on Growing Up Fast and Slowing Down on Purpose

On Let’s Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari, Rachel Bilson talks the way people do when they’ve stopped auditioning for approval. She reflects on the moments that shaped her long before motherhood or fame fully kicked in, including a serious car accident at 14 that still affects her memory today. From there, the conversation moves through the realities of raising an 11-year-old in Los Angeles, co-parenting without constant friction, and why dating feels optional when your life already works. And she’s honest about where she draws lines now—what she shares publicly, how she protects her daughter from social media, and why peace has become non-negotiable. 

Below are the highlights from the episode, adapted from Let’s Be Honest.

How did growing up in L.A. before fame shape who you are now?

“It’s really funny because all of my best friends [have been] my best friends since I was like 13 years old. Junior high. We all grew up in the Valley and they’re still my best friends…Being around L.A. growing up, all the things weren’t like these crazy things that were Hollywood and the glam and the whatever. We were sneaking into clubs underage very early…I want to say the first time I tried was probably like 15, but I looked way too young. Around 18 or 19, I would have to borrow IDs and go into the clubs….It was just having that experience before you start working and people might recognize you. You’ve kind of already done that whole thing beforehand…I was grateful that I got it out of the way because I was super domesticated once I started working. I was like, ‘Great, I want to be at home. I want to cook. When I got on The O.C., I was 21, and I was already over that whole phase.”

What happened in the car accident you had at 14—and how did it change your life?

“We were kids. My friend and I and a couple guys were on the beach. They were drinking. I’m trying to think if the boys were doing other things…We were in Oxnard…and then we were on PCH….The guy in the passenger seat was messing around, like tickling the guy in the back seat, and he just takes his arm and pulls the steering wheel….We shifted into oncoming traffic. It was a big head-on collision, I don’t remember a thing. Literally the hand on the wheel is the last memory. I woke up in the hospital. My mom says my head was bandaged and I had a black eye, and I have a scar under my hairline…The jaws of life had to get us out of the car. I was airlifted. This is all from the police report because I don’t remember anything. I would say that was a really big point where I was hanging out with certain people, then that happened, and it kind of directed me toward the drama department in high school…I have memory problems from it still. It’s so bad. People sometimes take offense, and I’m like, ‘No, you don’t understand.’”

What was the hardest part of being famous in the early 2000s?

“The paparazzi thing got to the point where there was a time where my mom and her neighbor had a shared dog door in their fence because they were so close. I remember having to crawl through the dog door and leave out of my mom’s neighbor’s driveway to not get followed…at the time, that was a lot.”

How do you feel about dating right now?

“I was on Raya for a minute. I went on a few dates, and I went on some good dates, but I don’t know. I got over it pretty quickly. I think it’s fun for like two weeks…I’m a hardcore bedtime-before-nine kind of person. If I’m gonna go out, it has to be something I really want to do…I’m in no rush, and I will not settle. That’s for damn sure.”

Do you want to get married or have more kids?

“I’m coming into my mid-forties. Do I wanna do that? I like how my life is. I don’t know. That’s a tough question…I don’t think I want more kids. I think I’m too old. I probably would have, yeah, but I don’t think my daughter would be down. She’s 11, and we have such a thing, the two of us. I don’t wanna mess with it.”

What does healthy co-parenting actually look like in real life?

“Ours is like a unique version of it. We [her and ex Hayden Christensen] get along really well. We do a lot of stuff together. We spend holidays together…We’ve been able to keep it very copacetic and nice for her…He gets her every other weekend, and then like he’ll have her Christmas Eve this year and I get her Christmas morning, so we switch…We weren’t ever married, so we never had to, you know, figure it out that way. We figured out our own path…

…I don’t really have an answer other than communicating, and sometimes you have to compromise a lot. Don’t take things personally. Especially in the beginning, people are probably still hurting and emotions are high…I’m really close to his family. It’s been almost nineteen years. It’s just water under the bridge.”

What advice would you give your younger self?

“I think starting earlier to not care what other people think…It’s so cool getting older as a woman and feeling good about who you are, what you look like, how you carry yourself, and not paying attention to all the other stuff that’s thrown at you…If I could have the same mentality I have now when I was younger, what that would have looked like?…

…When my grandmother died, her best friend looked at me and said, ‘Well, what are you gonna do?’ And that’s become our family motto…It applies to everything. Other people’s opinions—well, what are you gonna do? There’s nothing you can do. You pick up and move on. It is what it is.”

To hear all of Rachel Bilson’s conversation with Kristin Cavallari, listen to Let’s Be Honest wherever you get your podcasts.

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