Kristin Gallant Shares the 3 Things Every Strong-Willed Kid Needs to Hear

If you’re raising the kid who looks you dead in the eye and says “no,” Kristin Gallant sees you. On After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings, she reframes what many families are told about these kids: “There are no bad kids.” Instead of dimming their spark, Gallant argues we can channel it—because “these are the kids who question the system” and grow into innovators and leaders. She’s been that kid herself and remembers how labels stick.

As a certified “bad kid” herself, Gallant offers three short phrases you can put in your pocket for meltdowns, door slams, and everything in between. They’re the words she wishes she could have heard growing up. They’re simple, repeatable, and—when said often—shape how a child sees themselves long-term. Say them at bedtime. Say them in the car. Say them when you both need a reset.

Here’s exactly how Gallant phrases each one—and why it matters.

1. ‘Nothing you could ever do would make me love you less’ 

Gallant says this is the one sentence every strong-willed child needs on repeat. When kids push back hard, it’s easy to think they’re testing limits. But underneath, she explains what your child is thinking: “If I keep messing up, you’ll stop loving me.” That fear is what builds walls, not just between parent and child, but inside the child themselves.

Telling them “nothing you could ever do would make me love you less” cuts straight through that fear. It says, “you can mess up and still be loved.” Gallant admits she tells all three of her kids the same thing at bedtime. “Not when you scream at me, not when you throw the shoe, not when you lie, not even when you make me want to scream into a pillow. I love you, even then. Especially then,” she tells her kiddos.

2. ‘Your fire is your gift’ 

According to Gallant, parenting a strong-willed child can feel “like trying to hold lightning in your bare hands.” But that same intensity—the arguing, the endless questions, the refusal to just “go along”—isn’t something to fix. It’s something to guide. “That fire inside of them, it’s not a flaw to fix. It’s a gift,” she says.

The traits that make daily routines a battle are the same ones that later fuel creativity and leadership. “The same fire that is preventing your child from brushing their teeth at the end of the day with ease is what will make them innovators, artists, and leaders,” Gallant explains. These are the kids who “topple systems, create movements, change lives.”

By naming their fire as a gift, parents teach kids to trust their drive instead of feeling ashamed of it. So next time you’re in the midst of it, Gallant suggests saying something along the lines of: “The way you see the world differently, that’s your superpower…my job is not to put it out, it’s to help you learn how to use it.”

‘I love who you are. I love your brain so much’

By the time they’re old enough to notice, strong-willed kids already know they don’t fit the mold. They see it in their teachers’ sighs, their siblings’ praise, and the strangers who raise an eyebrow in the grocery store. Gallant says that awareness can easily twist into shame if no one steps in to rewrite it. “If we’re not careful,” she warns, “they start to believe that ‘different’ means ‘broken.’ ‘Different’ means ‘bad.’”

That’s why she repeats the phrase, “I love who you are. I love your brain so much,” to her children. It tells kids that their curiosity, their big ideas, their endless questions aren’t problems to fix but signs of brilliance. “I love the questions you ask that no one else thinks of,” Gallant suggests. “This doesn’t just tell them that they’re OK exactly how they are. Deep, deep down, it tells them they’re actually delightful.”

Because when a child grows up knowing they’re loved without conditions, that their fire has purpose, and that their mind is something to celebrate, they don’t just behave better—they believe in themselves enough to change the world.

To hear more, listen to the full episode of After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings, out now wherever you get your podcasts.

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