How to Know When You’re Ready to Lose Your Virginity, & More Advice From ‘What’s It Giving?’

Relationship Advice on Reciprocity, Boundaries and Self-love

When a Relationship Loses Its Spark

The first dilemma is what to do when your partner drastically changes—no dates, no compliments, nothing. One listener shares her struggle after three years in a relationship with her boyfriend. So what do you do when you are in a long-term relationship and your partner changes overnight? The issue reminds the sisters of Tamia’s song “Stranger in My House” as they offer some relationship advice.

Whitney encourages knowing when it’s time to move on: “If you are in a relationship that no longer serves you, then it’s your duty to leave. Your future self will thank you. In life, sometimes, you have to put yourself first. Sometimes, you have to go through a hard period to see the rainbow after the rain.”

Lizzy agrees that it is important to believe someone when they show you their colors. “You are sleeping with a stranger. What you allow will continue. If you have known this man for three years, you have to be honest with yourself—that man is seeing someone else.”

Bottom line: Know their worth, and others will treat you accordingly. “One thing about a man, he knows his worth. Men will treat you how they feel about you and based on your standard,” Lizzy says.

The best advice is to focus on yourself. “It’s time to emotionally detach and physically detach. If it’s been three years and it’s like this, the likelihood of it changing is rare. Focus on you, and become the best version of yourself,” Whitney adds.

Deciding When to Lose Your Virginity

Another listener, a virgin, is dating an older man who she’s head over heels for. Her relationship advice question: Whenever she expresses she is not ready for sex, his whole aura changes. What should she do?

This reminds the Adebayo sisters of Lyfe Jennings’ song, S.E.X., a song about a woman having respect for herself and her body and not giving into pressure to move too fast. When you lose your virginity you have to be ready. For this dilemma, the consensus is that he is not the right guy. 

Lizzy says it’s time to get real: “Women, your first time is never enjoyable. You are so tight and pure. You have to do it for yourself. If the guy is always changing based on you not wanting physical touch, that is not the guy for you. Once it’s gone, it’s not ever coming back.”

Whitney understands why people wait, especially people who come from a religious background. “But the truth is the older I get, sex is overrated. An emotional connection matters most, and sex just enhances it.”

How to Handle One-Sided Friendships

The final dilemma addresses a painful situation: How do you deal with a friend who does not acknowledge or celebrate your wins?

Lizzy keeps it direct and says that she would most likely block this person. Her reason: She loves hard and does not have time for the fakeness. She says, “You don’t deal with them. They are not your friend. You cannot call a friend someone who does not uplift your wins.” 

Whitney is not as emotionally expressive as Lizzy in her approach. She is in her “no new friends” era. She says, “With me, I don’t have a lot of friends around me. If you are the friend who gives and gives but that love is not reciprocated, you have to pull back. You have to save yourself before that relationship eats you up.”