Payton Sartain on the Green Flags You Should Look for in a Roommate

There’s nothing quite like the high-stakes gamble of splitting rent with someone you met twice at a pregame. One month you’re vibing over lattes and trash TV, the next you’re Venmo requesting them for paper towels while quietly resenting how they “don’t believe in taking the trash out.”

Finding the right roommate is a delicate art. And on Note to Self, Payton Sartain and her former roomie-slash-real-life bestie Taylor King spill the tea on what actually makes a good roommate—based on living together and staying friends after.

These aren’t your basic “likes cats, doesn’t steal food” tips. These are the real green flags that signal someone won’t drive you slowly insane over the course of a 12-month lease.

They share your core values and actually respect you

You don’t need to have the same Spotify Wrapped or sync up on zodiac signs to be great roommates. But shared values? That matters. “We’re so similar with our values and our self-awareness and our mutual respect,” King says. “I always appreciate how Payton is, and I take her for how she is. And I feel like you were the same with me, which I appreciated.”

You just need to see each other clearly. No judgment. No pretending. Just two humans coexisting in a way that feels easy. And when that baseline’s in place, everything else—from groceries to guest rules—feels way less chaotic.

They’re radically upfront about their quirks

The honeymoon phase is cute until someone’s passive-aggressively banging cabinets or lowkey ghosting you in your own home. That’s why King says brutal honesty is the move from the day one.“We were both just violently straight up about things,” she says. “Our quirks and just, like, things we care about and things we don’t care about.”

Basically, you can’t expect your roomie to respect your sacred quiet coffee time if you never mention it. Speak now or forever hold your resentment.

Your ideas of cleanliness actually align

“I’m messy, but I’m not dirty,” King says. And Sartain? Totally fine with that. “I’m sometimes messy too. Whatever.” The secret isn’t being neat freaks—it’s being on the same page. Dirty dishes might not be a dealbreaker, but if one of you is bleaching the baseboards and the other thinks mopping is optional, it’s going to get tense fast.

They’re not weird about money stuff

If talking rent makes you sweat, we get it. But weird vibes around splitting bills? Red flag.

“When you bring in payment of rent and splitting of things in the apartment, it just, like…you get to know people real quick because you’re like, ‘I’m getting scammed,’” King says. “I got scammed a couple times. You were the only person I really lived with that I was like, ‘Oh, I’m not actually getting scammed.’”

You don’t need a roommate who requests $3.72 for the toothpaste you both used, but you do need someone who’s reliable and not making you play detective every time the internet bill is due.

They’re honest about dating and guest boundaries

It’s all fun and flirty until their situationship accidentally becomes your third roommate. “The boy thing, that can go awry, too. You need to be specific about that,” Sartain says. She recalls telling King, “There’s this guy, he might come visit,” and being clear up front.

Why? Because she’s been burned before. “This happened to me for a really long time in multiple apartments. Her boyfriend basically moved in.” It’s your home, not their crash pad. So whether it’s a weekend guest or an undefined dating thing, say it out loud before it turns into a full-blown lease violation.

They don’t try to force a BFF situation

Not every roommate is your soulmate. And that’s kind of the point. “We never tried to force anything or, like, never tried to force being best friends,” King says. “It just really worked out so well for us.”

There’s something refreshing about coexisting without pressure. When the friendship flows naturally, amazing. When it doesn’t, you’re still two adults with working plumbing and chill vibes. 

They come with social proof

Mutual friends aren’t just for dating apps. They’re also the roommate vetting tool we don’t talk about enough. “They could also tell me how you actually are, which I really appreciated,” Sartain says, recalling how friends vouched for King. And the feeling was mutual: “I was telling my friend the other day…Peyton literally was my favorite roommate I ever had.”

If someone you trust says, “You’ll get along,” listen. Your group chat might just save you from moving in with a human tornado.

They give grace when life gets weird

Sometimes your dishes pile up because you’re working through a life spiral. A good roommate gets that. “Understanding yourself and putting it out on the table really helped us a lot,” Sartain shares. “We also had grace for each other. I would say, if my dishes were in the sink for a little too long because I’m depressed…you’re like, whatever—you’re depressed. It’s cool.”

That’s not laziness. That’s humanity. And the right roommate knows the difference.

Pick someone you can live with when life isn’t so sweet

The right roommate is someone who won’t judge your depressive dishes, respects your space, and actually sends you money on time (even better without asking). They don’t necessarily need to be your new best friend, but like any relationship that’s based on mutual respect and understanding, they assume positive intent and give you grace when life gets messy—literally and figuratively. Find that, and you’ve basically won the roommate lottery.

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