7 Questions That’ll Save You From Another Situationship

If you’ve just survived a first date without texting your group chat for an emergency rescue mission, congrats! But experienced daters know the real test comes in the time between the first and second date—the critical window where both parties need to figure out if there’s something worth pursuing. So here’s your guide to second-date clarity, featuring wisdom from dating coach Sabrina Zohar on The Wellness Process with Elizabeth Endres. The two chatted about spotting red flags, recognizing real connections, and how to approach dating from a place of authenticity.  

1. Did I Feel Comfortable Around Them?

First dates can feel like a blend of excitement and anxiety—kind of like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. But once the initial jitters wear off, did you feel comfortable? Were you able to relax and let your true personality shine? “If you can feel like yourself around someone, that’s a sign of real compatibility,” Zohar emphasizes.

Think about how you acted on the date. Were you laughing freely, sharing stories, and enjoying the moment? Or did you feel like you were walking on eggshells, pretending to be a more polished version of yourself, and second-guessing your every move? Pay attention to these feelings—they’re your emotional compass. Comfort doesn’t mean there won’t be butterflies; it means those butterflies don’t turn into warning bells.

2. Did the Conversation Flow Naturally?

You know that sparkling banter you see in rom-coms? It’s not just Hollywood magic, sometimes it happens IRL. It’s a sign you’re vibing with someone.  “When conversations flow easily, it shows that there’s a genuine connection,” Zohar says.

If you could chat and laugh without forced effort, that’s a promising sign. But if the date was littered with awkward silences or one-word answers, that’s something to consider. Don’t feel pressured to force chemistry—it should come organically. And remember, good conversation isn’t about yapping non-stop; it’s about mutual interest and understanding.

3. Do Our Values Align?

Values don’t just magically reveal themselves “later down the line”—they often peek out even on the first date. Zohar advises paying attention to the subtle cues. Did they mention anything about family, their approach to work, or their goals for the future?

You don’t need a full-on TED Talk about life philosophies on a first or second date, but their comments can reveal how closely your priorities align. If you’re career-focused and they joke about hating ambition, or if you value kindness but notice they mocked someone, those are flags worth noting. Relationships built on conflicting values can feel like mixing oil and water. They might work temporarily, but ultimately, they separate.

4. Was There Mutual Effort and Interest?

Imagine going on a date where you’re doing all the heavy lifting—asking questions, starting topics, and keeping the energy alive. Exhausting, right? “Dating should feel like a two-way street,” Zohar says.

Think about your first date: Did they show genuine curiosity about your life? Were they invested in learning who you are? Or did it feel like you were interviewing them for a job they didn’t want? If you sense a lack of effort, it’s a clear signal they might not be as interested as you deserve. Remember, you’re not just an extra in their story; you’re the star of your own.

5. Was There a Spark?

Ah, the elusive spark! We often think it’s this instant, electric jolt, but Zohar reminds us that attraction can grow over time. “A spark can be subtle—it’s about feeling intrigued, not necessarily fireworks on day one.”

When reflecting on your first date, consider whether there was at least some excitement or curiosity. A spark doesn’t have to be overwhelming, but if there is no physical or emotional chemistry, be honest about whether that’s a dealbreaker. You’re worthy of a connection that lights you up, even if it takes time to ignite fully.

6. Am I Curious to Know More About Them?

Curiosity is a beautiful thing in the early stages of dating. If you left the date feeling intrigued, wondering what makes this person tick, that’s a great sign.“Being genuinely curious about someone means there’s potential for a deeper connection,” Zohar points out.

Ask yourself this: Are you excited to learn more about their life, passions, or what they were like as a kid? Or does the idea of another date feel more like an obligation than an opportunity? Trust that gut feeling. If you’re not excited, it’s unlikely to magically appear later.

7. How Did They Treat Others?

Here’s the underrated golden rule of dating: Pay attention to how they treat the people around them. Were they kind to the server, respectful toward strangers, or compassionate in their stories about others? “How someone treats others when they don’t have to impress them reveals so much about their character,” Zohar emphasizes.

If they were dismissive, rude, or condescending, consider that a giant red flag. But if they showed kindness and respect, it’s a sign of emotional maturity. A person’s treatment of others speaks louder than their words, so don’t ignore what you see.

Bonus Tip: Be Honest With Yourself

“Your intuition is your greatest dating ally,” Zohar says. So this might be the most important question: Are you genuinely excited to see this person again? Don’t confuse fleeting interest with genuine excitement. Sometimes, we feel pressured to give someone another chance out of politeness or societal expectations, but that’s not dating from a place of empowerment.

Be honest with yourself. If your gut says something’s off, listen to it. Trusting yourself is one of the most empowering moves you can make.

Getting Ready for Date Number Two

So they passed the vibe check—yay! Zohar recommends making your second date a space for a deeper connection. Choose something that lets you actually talk, like grabbing coffee, strolling through a park, or exploring an art exhibit together.

The second date isn’t about rushing into a relationship or defining anything; it’s about seeing if the connection deepens when you spend more time together. Take it slow, enjoy the process, and stay true to your desires. Dating isn’t about ticking boxes or making others happy. It’s about finding someone who aligns with your values, sparks your curiosity, and gets your weird jokes. You’re not being picky by asking these questions—you’re being smart. 

Tune in to “Dating From A Place of Empowerment & Authenticity” with Sabrina Zohar on The Wellness Process with Elizabeth Endres for even more wisdom.