Stop Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop and Learn How to Accept Good Things

You know that weird feeling when things are seemingly going well, but you can’t seem to accept it? You’re constantly asking yourself, “When is the other shoe going to drop?” If this sounds familiar, maybe it’s time to consider that you’re part of the problem. Perhaps, you are the queen of self-sabotage. Maybe you’re the one getting in the way of the life you want to live?

It’s time to expand your capacity to receive good things. Bottom line. Full stop. When something good happens to you, just accept it and appreciate it. 

You might be the problem

Sometimes, you might be in your own way. Bria Jones, host of Because I Love You, admits in a recent episode that she was very toxic when she first met her husband Andrew Nesbit, aka A.J. The pair mett in Kansas City in 2016 while working for the same company and got married during the pandemic. 

Per Jones, A.J. is the quintessential “golden retriever husband,” and she is the “black cat wife.” Jones couldn’t accept a healthy, romantic dynamic. “I thought that if we had issues and had a lot of disagreements back and forth, then we had a healthy relationship. We were fighting for each other,” she says. 

For Jones—who grew up in a household that enjoyed a good tussle—bickering and taking jabs at each other meant you were in a good relationship, and it defined how she approached dating. She had never been in a healthy relationship before her husband, and constantly chose men who played games.. Because A.J. was clear about his intentions and knew what he wanted, that threw Jones for a loop. It also made her realize that perhaps she was the problem. So, in her words, she went looking for ways to f*** it up. 

“A.J. comes from a ‘sitcom family.’ Everybody is normal and nice. If they ever have an argument, they’re hugging by the end of the episode. My family was the complete opposite. So I thought if you are not constantly fighting or bickering, then you aren’t in a good relationship,” she recalls in the episode.

When the fear of failure leads to self-sabotage 

Maybe you have a dream—to start a business, get married, move or have a child. You know that you are perfectly capable of having and sustaining the thing that you want, but you are still petrified. It’s hard to accept the possibility of failure, and much easier to just say, “Oh, I just didn’t try too hard.”

Jones is well aware of this fear of failure. She recalls that when opportunities arose, she would often procrastinate and ignore emails. “I would ruin any chance of success by avoiding, procrastinating, overthinking, and thinking so low of myself. I didn’t even give myself a chance or a running start,” she reveals.

An addiction to chaos 

Peace is boring, and the struggle can be exhilarating. We all love the chase and working toward things, but what about just taking it easy? Jones says there’s a discomfort that comes with achieving peace and obtaining what you want. 

“Just accept when good things happen to you. Because at some point, you are probably going to have a struggle again. So why can’t you just enjoy the good right now?” Jones asks. “You want chaos, adventure, and a journey. But you can also accept good things happening to you without being addicted to the struggle.”

Guarding yourself from good things 

If this resonates, you are likely addicted to striving rather than thriving.

This mindset stops you from living the life you are meant to live. Take it from Jones: “All we are doing is guarding our emotions and guarding our hearts from getting hurt. But you won’t live a fulfilling life if you can’t accept good things happening to you.”

How to stop self-sabotaging

• Identify the pattern
  The first step to stop self-sabotage is to identify the behavior. Jones, for example, had to realize she was creating chaos in her relationship by picking fights with her husband. “You have to be aware of it. For a lot of people, it’s the hardest part. I didn’t know I was the problem, but now, I do because I was in a healthy relationship,” she says.
  
• When good things happen, sit in the discomfort of success
  You were praying for the thing, then you got the thing and now, you are uncomfortable. “You are going to sit in the discomfort. The more you sit in the discomfort of having good things, the more good things you’ll be able to accept,” Jones advises.
  

Talk to yourself to boost your confidence

According to Jones, it’s important to remind yourself, “I deserve good things.” Sing it. Shout it. Say it in the mirror. “You are worthy. Yes, you deserve it. Accept it. Remind yourself. Retrain that self-talk.”

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