Relationships

‘Girls Gotta Eat’ Says Couples Don’t Have to Spend Every Holiday Together

December 17, 2025

Every holiday season seems to come with an unspoken rule: if you’re in a serious relationship, you’re supposed to spend every major holiday together—or something must be wrong. On Girls Gotta Eat, hosts Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg make the case that this expectation is outdated, unrealistic, and honestly unnecessary…especially for couples without kids.

The takeaway is refreshingly practical: strong relationships don’t need holiday theater—they need flexibility.

Couples without kids have more options than they think

When children enter the picture, holidays naturally become more fixed. Without them, there’s room to breathe. That freedom matters. Without kids, couples can split holidays, alternate years, travel separately, or prioritize different traditions without it signaling distance or dysfunction. Time off is limited, travel is expensive, and not everyone places the same emotional weight on the same dates.

Hesseltine also acknowledges that long-term commitment doesn’t require constant togetherness. “You can live separately from your spouse,” she says, reinforcing the idea that modern relationships don’t need rigid structures to be valid.

Holidays don’t have to be a relationship milestone

One thing the hosts quietly dismantle is the idea that holidays automatically signal how “serious” a relationship is. Spending Thanksgiving or Christmas together has become an unofficial milestone—right up there with meeting parents or moving in—but Hesseltine questions why that pressure exists at all. “It doesn’t say anything about the strength of the relationship,” she says plainly. “And I don’t think you should be crying or sad, missing your family so you can be with your partner’s family.”

For newer or even long-term couples without kids, forcing holiday traditions too early can actually create stress instead of closeness. Not every relationship needs a fast-track family integration just to meet external expectations. Sometimes opting out is just a way of setting the pace.

In-laws are often the real issue

A lot of holiday tension isn’t actually about missing a partner—it’s about who you’re expected to spend time with once you get there. Both Hesseltine and Greenberg are blunt about the reality many couples don’t say out loud: not all in-law situations are neutral, let alone warm. “I don’t want to sit [down]…and just be attacked,” Greenberg states as her own example. And for plenty of people, that discomfort isn’t hypothetical.

Choosing not to spend those resources with people who are rude, dismissive, or openly hostile can be an act of self-preservation. “This has now cost me money. This is my hard-earned time. I’m going to be made miserable. Why?” Greenberg points out, adding that what matters most is whether partners are aligned.

The goal is alignment, not sacrifice

What makes holiday decisions manageable isn’t everyone being happy—it’s partners being on the same page when problems arise. And those problems can be logistics, money, travel, or difficult relatives—but what it shouldn’t be is each other. When partners are aligned, even imperfect plans feel survivable. Long drives, split days, awkward dinners…they’re easier when both people agree why they’re doing it and when they’re done.

That alignment doesn’t mean endless compromise. Sometimes it means deciding not to sacrifice peace just to meet expectations. When couples approach holidays as a shared decision instead of a loyalty test, the pressure drops. The relationship stops being the thing under scrutiny—and becomes the place where boundaries actually hold.

To hear more insights about navigating holiday dynamics with your partner, listen to Girls Gotta Eat wherever you get your podcasts.