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Hard On Yourself? Here’s How To Quiet That Inner Critic

July 15, 2025

Feeling like your own worst critic? You’re not alone. On Almost Adulting, host Violet Benson devotes an hour to untangling the mental knots that make women so hard on themselves. She opens with pure relatability, admitting she “crashed” after a week-long reading binge and turned into “her number one hater.” Sound familiar? That automatic pivot from minor slip-up to full-blown self-drag is practically a reflex for anyone juggling careers, relationships, and the never-ending comparison game.

Benson reminds listeners that self-judgment isn’t random; it’s wired. She says the brain still scans for predators—so every awkward comment, skipped workout, or Instagram scroll triggers survival panic. So, if you’ve ever catastrophized a typo in an email, blame biology, not personal weakness.

Here’s the good news: that same brain can learn new tricks. Benson packs the episode with psychology-backed tactics, pep talks that turn the volume down on your inner bully.

Why are we so hard on ourselves?

Benson spotlights two mental culprits, “overthinking and overanalyzing” and “the power of social comparison, a fuel for inner critic.” Overthinking pretends it’s preparing you for the worst, but really, it just keeps you replaying imaginary bloopers. Meanwhile, comparison whispers that someone else’s highlight reel proves your shortcomings. Benson calls this “a fallacy in the argument” because “the existence of someone else’s success is not actual evidence for our inadequacy.”

Try it: When you catch yourself spiraling, label the thought and remind yourself it’s a brain glitch, not an objective report card.

Recognize the critic—and rename it

Benson suggests giving that nagging voice a persona. “You give it a name,” she says. “Just a little creature that exists in your mind.” By personifying the critic, you create psychological distance—what researchers refer to as cognitive dissonance—and strip it of authority.

Try it: Pick a playful moniker—Doubt Debbie, Petty Patty, whatever makes you smirk. Next time the critique pops up, greet it: “Hi, Debbie. Thanks for the feedback, but I’m busy.”

Practice radical self-compassion daily

Benson champions “radical self-compassion,” noting that “when you direct that compassion toward yourself, you can heal and stop being so hard on yourself.” She borrows the five love languages as a template. “Speak kind words to yourself, spend quality time with yourself. Buy yourself those little gifts, do acts of service, and give yourself physical touch,” she suggests.

Try it: Schedule a five-minute “love language break.” Compliment your reflection (“words”), savor coffee phone-free (“quality time”), order fresh flowers (“gifts”), tidy your workspace (“service”), and place a calming hand over your heart (“touch”).

Limit the spiral, then move on

Rumination loves unlimited screen time. Benson advises setting a strict window. “Give yourself ten minutes to sulk in these negative thoughts, and then move on,” she says, adding, “a thought is just a thought. It is not your truth.”

Try it: Use a timer. When the bell rings, stand up, change rooms, or play a two-minute song—anything that signals your brain the pity party is officially over.