Stop Chasing Perfection and Learn to Embrace Your Authentic Self

When you try to be something you’re not, you may lose the magic of who you are in the process. Setting expectations of perfectionism in business, marriage, and friendships, in addition to the relationship with yourself can be a lot of pressure, not to mention strip you of your innate spark. 

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be your best self, that’s not the same as trying to be perfect. Once you release those nagging expectations for perfection, you can show up as your authentic self. Keep reading to learn how to say “yes” to your true self and a big “no” to being perfect. 

Perfectionism: How to Let Go of Trying to Be Perfect

Why do we set impossibly high standards?

It’s time to say yes to the mess! Letting go of perfection not only allows you to show up authentically, but also to connect with other people. It’s how Sami Spalter and Sami Clarke, cohosts of Transform, became best friends. Both women admit they are recovering perfectionists and are on their own journeys of releasing perfectionism and truly knowing and loving themselves.

For Clarke, the root of striving for perfectionism was a sense of control or protection. It’s the feeling of not wanting anything to go wrong or to be vulnerable for fear of not being loved and accepted.

“The most beautiful part of being human is not perfection but the things that happen when you are messy and playful—the things that happen when you are not perfect,” Clarke says.  

When ChatGPT takes your authentic voice

Being perfect is exhausting. It’s also stressful to try to fit into a box. As a content creator and influencer, Clarke admits that there have been many moments of doubt when posting on social media due to the pressure to show up perfectly all the time. 

But guess what, when you try to be perfect and you try to be AI, you are going to lose your soul and the passion and the integrity of your voice,” Clarke says. 

Spalter agrees, and says when content creators use AI, it leaves them sounding robotic. “Girlie, I know you are using ChatGPT. Where did your spark go? I love you for you, and I am here for you. I’m not here for perfection,” she says.

Letting go of perfectionism in every area of your life

Until we can identify the areas of our lives where we are striving for perfectionism, we can’t do the work to heal and move onto authenticity. 

Business. When it comes to leading FORM, Spalter and Clarke’s health and wellness platform that launched in August 2021, the Samis prioritize “progress over perfection.” 

When it comes to launching a business, Spalter advises in the early days of entrepreneurship to focus on progress toward your goal. “If you are on the cusp of starting something, get something out there. Don’t wait until it’s perfect. If what you are putting out there is your best product, I’d argue that you are putting it out there too late,” she explains. 

Self-talk. As a woman, there’s always pressure to look a certain way. That nagging internal critic says: You’re hair better be pulled back. Your face better not have any blemishes. Your outfit? You better be in the matching set. 

Spalter, who has naturally curly hair, has always felt her best when her hair is straight or pulled back. But she has done the work to examine the shame of her curly hair and learning to love her authentic self. “It is so much pressure. It’s exhausting,” Spalter says. 

Relationships. Perfectionism shows up in our relationships, too. There’s pressure to be open to everyone and have the capacity to carry other people’s burdens. But, you can’t always hold space for everyone. 

Spalter has had to learn to set boundaries in her relationships, instead of prioritizing giving all of herself to everyone else. “It doesn’t mean I am a bad friend or a bad wife. It’s actually me creating a boundary, so that when I do show up, it is to the extent that I am capable of,” Spalter explains. “You can’t be a nurturer or safe space for others if you are neglecting your own needs,” Spalter says.

Setting boundaries and learning to let go of perfectionism, ironically, won’t be perfect. It’s meant to be messy! But once you can embrace that non-perfect energy, you are going to be set free and meet yourself on a deeper level.

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