Surrogacy Isn’t Just for Rich Celebrities—It’s for Real Fertility Struggles

Pregnancy can look like an effortless Instagram reel—until it doesn’t. For many hopeful parents, carrying a baby themselves isn’t possible. That reality hits like a wrecking ball. On We Met At Acme, host Lindsey Metselaar and guest Carly Joseph, a surrogacy advocate and concierge, pull back the curtain on why some families turn to surrogates and why judgment needs to stop.

Metselaar levels with listeners right away. “I’ve definitely been someone who’s judged surrogacy before,” she admits. “But, you just don’t know.” That confession sets the tone for a conversation designed to educate, not scold.

Joseph, who now guides intended parents through the matching process, knows how quickly the dream of a “simple” pregnancy can derail. “We started trying, and I didn’t even really know what trying was,” she says. What followed were seven egg‑retrieval rounds, multiple miscarriages, and a medical roller coaster that would be devastating for anyone going through the roller-coaster of trying to conceive (or #TTC, as the online community is known). As Joseph puts it, “You think it’s gonna go one way, and it’s not gonna happen that way.”

Understanding the complexity

Critics of surrogacy often assume vanity is the driving force, but the reality is far more complex. Infertility, endometriosis, recurrent pregnancy loss, and life-threatening medical conditions rarely make tabloid headlines, yet they are painful realities for many women.

Joseph’s journey underscores the point. After years of failed transfers, she hit what she calls “a big reset point,” realizing conventional pregnancy might never happen for her. Surrogacy wasn’t a shortcut; it was the lifeline that would finally place a baby in her arms.

Every surrogacy journey is unique

@wemetatacme Today’s episode on surrogacy with Carly Joseph is now live! #wemetatacme ♬ original sound – wemetatacme

If you picture an easy‑breezy handoff, think again. Joseph warns that “IVF is a very diagnostic thing to go through,” and adds, “It is brutal and excruciatingly expensive.” While the average cost of surrogacy varies, it can go as high as six figures when you factor in things like legal fees, agency fees, and implantation fees.

Surrogacy nearly always starts with IVF, stacks of lab bills, and enough injections to scare off a lesser mortal. Joseph recalls her eighth retrieval—after seven fizzled attempts—when she finally banked nine healthy embryos.

Money talk makes people squirm, but Joseph refuses to gloss over it. “We were fortunate to have support from our families,” Joseph explains. “Many people would sit in the doctor’s office and hear these prices and just be like, this is not a choice for us.” Financial privilege often determines who gets to pursue surrogates, even when medical need is undeniable.

Trust matters more than control

@wemetatacme Fertility treatments are no joke! And most insurances are not helpful #wemetatacme ♬ original sound – wemetatacme

Handing your future child to another woman’s womb is the ultimate trust-fall, and Joseph doesn’t sugarcoat it. “Ultimately, you can’t work with a surrogate and expect to have full control over how another human being lives their life,” she says. Legal contracts exist, sure, but Joseph stresses that “finding someone you trust matters more than what’s on paper.”

That trust extends to lifestyle choices. Organic-only meal plans and GPS pregnancy trackers might soothe anxious parents. Yet, Joseph reminds us, “A surrogate is another human being living their life.” In other words, micromanagement is not the vibe. Instead, she celebrates the unexpected intimacy of the journey: “There’s something really special about working with a first-time surrogate because you’re both going through the process together for the very first time.”

Why the judgment needs to stop

@wemetatacme IVF is not always what works for everyone! #wemetatacme ♬ original sound – wemetatacme

Surrogacy is not a designer handbag. It’s a complex, emotional journey born out of necessity. Metselaar’s about-face from skeptic to ally demonstrates how quickly opinions can shift when real stories replace stereotypes. When we swap snark for empathy, we make space for families built through resilience rather than biology alone.

So, the next time you feel tempted to side-eye a mom who chose surrogacy, remember that unless you’re footing the IVF bills, enduring the hormone crashes, and living the daily uncertainty, your assumptions are likely wrong.

Surrogates aren’t a luxury accessory. They’re lifesavers for people whose path to parenthood demands an alternate route. Growth often starts with an uncomfortable conversation. Families come together in countless ways. Instead of policing someone else’s roadmap, try offering support, or at the very least, silence. The only bodies that matter in a surrogacy journey are the ones living it.

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