The Biggest Relationship Test of the Year Isn’t the Holidays—It’s Vacation

Vacation is supposed to be the reset, but sometimes it can bring tension. Something as minor as someone missing an exit or a kid melting down before you’ve even checked into the hotel can set off the same argument with your partner that you swore wouldn’t happen this year. If you’ve ever come home needing a vacation from your vacation, you’re far from alone.

On After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings, host Kristin Gallant admits that family trips became “one of the biggest tension points” in her marriage, despite the fact that traveling used to be what brought her and her husband Tyler closer. The breakthrough came in couples therapy, where she realized, “Travel wasn’t creating problems. Travel, with the pressure and the planning, and the stimulation, was magnifying patterns that already existed.” 

Now, instead of treating every vacation fight like proof something was wrong, she and her husband learned how to spot the patterns before they spiraled. Here’s how you can do the same.

Why Couples Fight on Vacation and How to Stop It

Vacation doesn’t create relationship problems—it magnifies them

If you and your partner seem to argue every time you travel, it’s easy to assume the vacation itself is the problem (or worse, that something is wrong with your relationship). Kristin says that’s exactly where her mind used to go. 

It makes sense when you think about it. Vacations pile on almost every pressure couples are already juggling—disrupted routines, financial stress, sleep deprivation, overstimulation, and the invisible mental load of making sure everyone else has what they need. “Family vacations, they check every single one of those boxes,” Kristin says.

Once she stopped treating every vacation fight like a relationship crisis, she and Tyler were able to approach those moments differently. Instead of asking, Why are we doing this again? they started asking what was actually fueling the tension—and how they could work through it together instead of turning on each other.

The 20-minute meeting that can save your entire trip

Once Kristin and her husband understood why vacations brought out the worst in them, their therapist introduced a surprisingly simple solution: a 20-minute conversation before every trip. “We were preparing the itinerary, but we weren’t preparing our relationship,” Kristin points out, which high-key changed everything.

Before they leave, they sit down and ask each other these five questions:

• What they’re most excited about
• What they’re most nervous about
• What support they need from each other
• What tends to trigger them on vacation
• How they want to repair if conflict comes up 

And look, you’re not going to solve every potential problem before boarding the plane. But it can replace assumptions with clarity. Instead of hoping your partner notices you’re overwhelmed, you tell them exactly what would help. Being specific gives both people a chance to show up for each other before resentment has a chance to take over.

Resentment usually starts long before you leave home

For Kristin, the biggest source of conflict was everything happening behind the scenes before the trip even began. While her husband was an active, hands-on parent, she realized she was carrying most of the invisible work: remembering the medications, buying the sunscreen, packing everyone’s clothes—you know the drill. That imbalance created a cycle she knows many parents will recognize. “It’s overfunctioning. Followed by resenting over and over and over,” she says. The more she took on herself, the more frustrated she became that she was doing it alone.

So instead of quietly keeping score, Kristin learned to be direct about what she needed and invite her husband to take ownership of specific responsibilities. That turned any resentment into teamwork—and made it much easier to enjoy the vacation they were both working so hard to make happen.

Instagram makes family vacations look effortless, but that’s far from the case. Conflict is going to come up, and the couples who thrive are the ones who repair quickly instead of letting one hard moment overshadow the entire trip.

Kristin tries to focus on one meaningful moment she’d love to experience during the trip instead of chasing (and forcing) the perfect vacation. Everything else is just part of the story. So if you’re ready to hit the road with your family, give these tips a try this summer.

To hear the full conversation, listen to After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings wherever you get your podcasts.

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