Money is one of those topics everyone has feelings about, yet almost no one feels comfortable bringing up. That’s why financial expert Tori Dunlap’s return to The Real Stuff with Lucie Fink hits in the best way. Better known as @herfirst100k on Instagram, Dunlap sits down with Fink to give no-BS answers to listeners’ biggest money questions—the ones we all privately stress about but rarely say out loud.
Dunlap dives into everything from dating someone who makes way less to whether it’s actually weird to ask a friend what they paid for their house. Her answers aren’t preachy or overwhelming; they’re refreshingly human, and more importantly, honest.
Would you date someone who makes way more or way less than you?
When Fink shares that 88 percent of listeners answered “yes, it doesn’t matter,” Dunlap doesn’t hesitate to get specific about her own situation. “I am a multi-millionaire. I’m very clear about that….he’ll probably make this year about $70,000,” she reveals.
But for Dunlap, the real green flag was how early and how honestly they talked about money. She recalled their first date: “I would really like to pay, but I don’t want to offend you,” she remembers him saying. She loved that he asked rather than guessing what she wanted. Later, things got even more real. Over a simple takeout dinner, he admitted, “I know that I shouldn’t feel this way, but I want to financially contribute more than I’m able.” He continued, mentioning the societal pressures put on men to provide. “I know that this is like the patriarchy telling me I must provide, but like this is still how I feel.”
To that, Dunlap’s answer was simple. “I do not expect equality in my relationship. I expect equity in my relationship.” That, she says, is the difference between stress and partnership.
Is it ok to Google your date’s salary?
Before you start typing into the search bar, Dunlap leads with an important question: “How accurate is their salary information gonna be when you Google that?” She points out that even basic salary sites get things wrong. “You Google me, the net worth websites are not accurate.”
For her, the bigger issue is what you think this search will tell you. “I think it is actually a good opportunity to ask them or start talking about money.” She explains that people, especially men, drop hints without realizing it. “They will drop little bread crumbs for you, and then you can start to put that together to view what their financial picture is, or at least what they want you to believe their financial picture is.”
And yes, Googling can get awkward fast. Dunlap has lived it: “I had somebody Google me in front of me on a date.” His first reaction? “You’re verified on Instagram,” followed by Dunlap’s own internal monologue. “You have beautiful eyes, but it’s over.’” she remembers thinking. Use that as your sign to not rely on the internet—the real information comes from actual conversations.
Should you tell friends what you paid for your house?
While half the audience said they openly share home prices, the other half admitted they secretly creep on Zillow. Dunlap gets why the topic feels so loaded, especially for women. She explains that homeownership is the “biggest financial decision[s]” she’s ever made, and that talking about it publicly can feel vulnerable. “As soon as you start talking…in real numbers, then you can start to pinpoint my location.”
Your friends have also probably snooped. Dunlap even assumes her own team has looked at her new home. “I’m sure they would tell me if I asked them. They probably all went to Zillow and figured out how much I spent, and that makes me really nervous.”
Still, she remembers doing the exact same thing: “I have definitely left friends’ houses and done the Zillow check…because I just get really—I’m like, ‘Oh, what if I just upended my entire life and moved to the East Coast?’”
Do you have to tell people if your parents helped with your down payment?
Dunlap says the tension comes from the simple fact that most people don’t understand how anyone is affording a home in the first place. “If you’re not talking openly about money and you don’t have the discussions, how are people supposed to get information about this kind of stuff?” She makes it clear that secrecy only adds pressure and comparison.
She also acknowledges why it feels uncomfortable to share parental help. “Women are not allowed to want money. We’re not allowed to say we want to be rich because we must be selfless at all costs,” Dunlap says. That pressure shows up in home-buying conversations too, especially when someone feels like they need to justify how they got there. “Men talk about money all the time, which is one of many reasons why they have more of it,” she bluntly states.
For this question, the context matters. Sharing becomes valuable when someone is genuinely trying to learn. “If you’re talking to a friend and they’re asking, ‘Hey, how did you actually do this because I wanna buy a house too,’… there’s a time and a place to share that information,” Dunlap says.
You don’t owe the world an explanation, but honest conversations with the right people can make the whole process feel a lot less mysterious.
How do you handle financial red flags in a relationship?
The issue usually isn’t who makes more in a relationship—it’s the habits underneath. Dunlap shares a past dating moment where a guy told her, “credit scores don’t really matter, and I go into credit card debt all the time,” which she flagged immediately as a dealbreaker. What she looks for instead are partners who are transparent and trying.
But the tougher side of relationships is when money gets hidden. That’s where financial infidelity comes in—and Dunlap has seen it up close. “I have $80,000 of credit card debt and my husband doesn’t know,” she recalls a friend saying to her. The fear was real, she was nervous her partner was going to leave her. But Dunlap coached her through it, and the reveal ended with compassion. “He was so lovely about it and was like, ‘Ok, let’s figure out how we can do this together,’” she recalls.
That’s the whole point. You can’t build trust on secrets. “How are you gonna have a healthy relationship if you can’t be honest with your partner about money?” she asks.
If you want to hear more of Dunlap’s advice—and a deeper dive into every question listeners sent in—listen to the full episode of The Real Stuff with Lucie Fink.
Read More
- Getting Fired Might Actually Be A Good Thing, According to ‘Girls Gotta Eat’
- Workplace Drama Got You Losing It? Here’s How ‘Give It to Me Straight’ Says to Handle It
- Building a Brand That Feels Like You: Jewelry Designer Hart Hagerty on ‘With Whit’
Trending Products
Leave a Comment
Suggested Articles
Leave a Reply