What Is an Open Relationship? Spoiler: It’s Not Cheating

When it comes to love and modern dating, there are TONS of different types of relationships. It’s not as simple as the old-school idea of two people, one label, forever. You have monogamy, friends with benefits, polyagamy, and, the star of today’s show, open relationships. After tuning into The Art of Being Well’s episode, “Narcissists, Non-Monogamy, Porn Addiction, AI Love Affairs, and the Spiritual Work of Relationships,” we felt inspired to discuss more. 

Honestly, open relationships get way more heat than they deserve—and they’re a LOT more common than most people think. Plus, here’s the thing: polyamorous relationships aren’t a free-for-all. They come with their own rules, boundaries, and yes, challenges. Just like “What Everyone Hates About Dating” from We Met At Acme talks about, relationships take work—no matter what kind they are.

But when done right? They can teach you SO much about communication, desires, trust, and what you actually want out of a partnership. So let’s talk about it! We’ll break down what an open relationship is, how common they are, and how they actually work. Consider this your official guide to navigating dating—openly. 

What Is an Open Relationship? The Modern Love Guide

Simply put, an open relationship is a consensual, non-monogamous arrangement where both parties agree that it’s okay to pursue other connections. Yeah, we’re talking romantically or sexually—it just depends on what the boundaries are!

Let’s be clear, though, this isn’t one partner saying “sure, go for it” while the other is tooootally not game. Instead, that’s straight out of “Cheating, Compromise, & the Myth of 50/50 Love” from Well with Arielle Lorre. BOTH people in the relationship have to be on board. 

And, while healthy communication is essential in every romantic relationship, consensual non-monogamy literally can’t exist without clear boundaries, thorough communication, and a TON of trust. Just take it from “Threesomes, Kinks, and ‘Cheating Together’ with Weezy and Mandii B” from Girls Gotta Eat.

One more thing: open relationships aren’t about a lack of love. It’s SOO important to remember that one person’s version of commitment and passion can be entirely different from another’s. A lot of the time, it’s just about expanding emotional and physical intimacy in a way that just… works for both partners. 

How Common Are Open Relationships?

Soooo much more common than you think. And just because someone’s not currently in an open relationship doesn’t mean they’re closed off to the concept. Let’s talk stats, shall we?

Studies show that (for the most part), 4% of adults are currently in an open relationship. And you may be sitting there like “yeah, but 4% isn’t a lot.” WRONG. That’s about 1 of every 25 couples. But that isn’t even scratching the surface here. 

Another study proves that 25% (a quarter) of Americans are interested in the concept of an open relationship. In comparison, that’s aboouttt… 6 people in a room of 25. That same study also said that 30% of men and 21% of women would give the A-OK to an open marriage.

Want another shocking fact? According to this data, millennials and Gen Xers are topping the charts here. And that’s not even the most fascinating part—baby boomers fall third, and Gen Z is trailing behind in last place. 

It’s not uncommon for someone to go from serial monogamy to exploring open relationships, either. Just listen to “Girls, Gays, & Theys” from Ex-Virgin to hear Libby Larkin tell us all about it. Odds are, either you or someone in your circle has explored, or at least thought about, polygamy. Times are changing, love looks different, and commitment no longer has one solid definition. 

How Do Open Relationships Work?

Clear Communication Is Key

When two people decide to open their relationship, every. single. step. is discussed. Every boundary, every expectation, and every emotional need. There’s zero room for guessing; that’s how miscommunication happens and resentment builds. 

For more on what else you should discuss, check out “Important Things to Know About Your Partner.”

Defined Boundaries and Rules

Every couple creates their own “rulebook,” essentially. And, just as you’d imagine, they talk about EVERY niche detail. Think: how much time they spend with other partners, an appropriate level of emotional involvement, whether sexual relationships are off-limits—everything is on the table.

Wanna learn more? Listen to “Arthur Brooks on the Science of Happiness, Emotional Well-Being, & Setting Boundaries for a Better Life!” We can always count on The Bossticksto share deep, insightful conversations about exactly what we need to hear.

Emotional Transparency

If you think emotional transparency matters in a monogamous relationship, multiply that by two (or three) in a poly setup. Clear communication and vulnerability are seriously the foundation of a successful experience—for all involved. 

If you want a personal, upfront take on this, tune into “Transparency Over Perfection” from Let’s Try This Again. B. Simone sits down with close friend Diamond Batiste to talk about just how hard this characteristic can be.

Scheduled Quality Time Together

It’s no secret that attention gets split up between partners in an open relationship. That said, it’s crucial that primary partners spend time together. Otherwise, things start to fizzle out, and the OG relationship begins to blend with the others. Date nights, weekend plans, or even daily dinners seriously matter. 

Start by listening to the best podcasts for couples! You’ll learn, laugh, grow, and most importantly, feel connected.

Continuous Consent and Re-Evaluation

Open relationships aren’t just a “set it and forget it” kind of thing. Both partners evolve, and so do their expectations, requirements, and desires. If one partner’s suddenly just… not all the way in, they talk about it and reevaluate. Consent. Is. EVERYTHING. 

Are Open Relationships Healthy?

The truth? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. ANY relationship can be healthy if you nurture it, support it, and pour love back into it—open or not. But there’s a lot of nuance behind open relationships being “unhealthy” or “toxic,” and that’s totally not the case here. 

Open relationships can SO be healthy. They can also be thrilling, intimate, and promote a huge sense of self-awareness. Seeing a trend here? The same standards apply to a monogamous relationship. “Define ‘Relationship’” from Almost Adulting covers this idea pretty perfectly. 

What ISN’T healthy is compromise. When you open your relationship, it’s not about acceptance—it’s about encouragement. What we mean is, neither partner should just be “okay” with the idea—they should BOTH feel excited about it. Think of it like a dance! (We’ve been watching too much DWTS, can you tell?) If you and your partner are in step together, but one of you is off beat? The whole rhythm falls apart. 

Keep that same mindset about an open relationship. It’s not just an exciting way to have multiple romantic partners—it’s a real opportunity to grow, communicate, and deepen an already-existing bond. 

Benefits of an Open Relationship

• Increased emotional intimacy through unfiltered, honest conversations 
• Freedom to explore romantic and sexual desires safely
• Reduced pressure to fulfill all emotional needs with one singular person
• Greater sense of self-awareness and personal growth
• Opportunity to strengthen trust and communication

Disadvantages of an Open Relationship

• Huge potential for jealousy or insecurity
• Emotional burnout if boundaries aren’t respected
• Social stigma or misunderstanding from those around you
• Complicated scheduling with trying to balance multiple relationships
• Risk of emotional distance from primary partner if communication breaks down

Why Do People Have Open Relationships?

Desire for Freedom without Ending a Relationship

You can love your partner and still be curious. It’s the same as what a lot of people have modernized as “window shopping,” right? You’re in a relationship, you love them, but that someone you keep scrolling past on socials? Yeah, they’ve caught your eye a time or two. 

You don’t want to leave your partner, you just want to explore a little! That freedom can really enhance autonomy, reminding you that you’re still your own person outside of a relationship. Listen to “The Key to Keeping the Spark Alive” from Well with Arielle Lorre! She invites on sex therapist, Vanessa Marin, to talk allll about this exact topic. 

Personal Growth and Exploration

Open relationships really allow you to learn so much more about yourself. You’re in a better position to explore your desires, fantasies, and intimacy—you don’t know ‘til you try! Plus, that kind of growth isn’t just about exploring what you want; it’s exploring what you need. Just listen to Gabby Bernstein in THIS episode of Dear Gabby. 

Strengthening Communication Skills

Managing different relationships can be a full-time job—whether you have multiple sexual partners or a handful of love interests. You basically have to stretch yourself in a ton of different directions, communicating, pleasing, and engaging with each partner. 

Sure, it might feel like a lot of work—but that’s not the point here! What matters is how much you’re honing your ability to communicate effectively. And that skill? It goes way beyond romance. It allows you to encourage honest conversations and emotional vulnerability—two things crucial in ANY relationship. 

House Guest has the perfect episode for this convo. Tune into “Love Is Never a Logical Decision!”

Avoiding Monogamy Pressure

To be honest, opening a relationship doesn’t have to have a super deep reason. Sometimes, someone just… isn’t totally fulfilled from a monogamous connection. And this is why we said in the beginning: commitment looks totally different these days! 

Speaking of, you have to listen to “Is Monogamy Over?” from We Met At Acme. Lindsey and Talia Lichtestein sit down and discuss whether monogamous relationships are a natural part of human nature—it’s super fascinating!

Emotional and Physical Variety

Everyone has different preferences, interests, love languages, attachment styles, kinks—need we go on? Basically, there’s a SLIM chance you’ll meet someone who perfectly aligns with your perspectives. And no, we’re not saying it’s impossible, it’s just… unlikely! An open relationship allows you and your partner to experience new dynamics—ones that you may not get in your primary partnership. 

How to Be in an Open Relationship

Establish Clear Boundaries Together

When you’re discussing having relationships with other people, communication is everything. Seriously. Talk to your partner about your “okay” and “no way” list—things that you’d be totally comfortable with, and things that are breakup-worthy. 

ESPECIALLY if either of you plans to have sex with other people. It’s not for everyone, and that ultimately comes down to personal preference. But if that is on the table for you and your partner? We definitely recommend discussing safe sex practices. Think: sleep-overs, emotional attachments, and barrier methods. Talk about it all now, so there’s no confusion later.

Who better to take love life advice from than the ICON herself, Leighton Meester? Tune into “The Leighton Meester Episode” from The World’s First Podcast to listen to all things love, boundaries, and balance. 

Maintain Honest Communication

Where boundaries begin, communication follows suit. Remember: The OG committed relationship still comes first. Check in with your partner regularly about your experiences, expectations, and emotions. It keeps the foundation strong!

While emotional vulnerability strengthens the core relationship, so does honesty. If something’s bothering you? Let ‘em know. If you’re excited by a new experience, talk about it! Open relationships only work when both people feel excited, engaged, and all in. 

Check in About Jealousy

Jealousy is a big one here, guys. Is it normal? Abso-f*cking-lutely—it’s normal even in a monogamous relationship. But can it creep up unexpectedly? 100%, especially when multiple people are involved. 

And to be totally fair, you may not even realize you’re jealous until things really start heating up. Regardless, talk through it instead of ignoring it. And if you need help doing so, listen to “Overcoming Jealousy” from What We Said. If you’re sitting there stuffing down your feelings, that’s only gonna lead to resentment. 

Reassess and Adjust Regularly

Jealousy’s big, but consent is non-negotiable. Your relationship will naturally evolve over time, and so should your agreement. If you’re suddenly uncomfortable with the idea of your partner having a sexual relationship outside of yours, tell them that. 

Revisit your boundaries, renegotiate if needed, and remember: it’s OKAY to change your mind. If you, for whatever reason, want to close the relationship again, own it. And if your partner isn’t open to the idea, know when to walk away. 

We Met At Acme actually brings on Colton Underwood to talk all about this (among other things, obvi). Tune into “Why We Need to Drop Toxic Masculinity” to learn about how and why it’s okay to reassess whenever you feel like doing so. 

Prioritize Your Primary Relationship

We said it above, and we’ll say it again. Always, always, allllwayssss, prioritize your primary relationship. You two were together first, and that should never fall out of the line of sight. Spend quality time together, maintain an emotional connection, and nurture your shared intimacy.

Your other partners may fulfill your needs, but they’ll never replace the bond you have with your main partner. The history, inside jokes, shared life—all of it requires constant attention. So yes, explore, connect, and HAVE FUN! But never forget to circle back to the one who’s been there from the start. 

Also, remember, intimacy isn’t just about sex. Just listen to THIS episode of Coming In Hot to hear MJ Renshaw talk more about this!

Is open love your thing? Or is monogamy still calling your name?

Everyone defines love, commitment, and passion differently. Some find what they want in one person, while others find it in multiple! But honestly, there’s no shame in the dating game. In polygamy, what matters most is consent, clarity, and communication. (AKA, the 3 C’s.) So long as both partners are encouraging and happy, who is anyone else to say anything about it?

On the Dear Media blog, there’s no topic we shy away from. Check out all of our other posts to see what we mean! Also, you gotta tune into our lineup of podcast hosts. From relationship dynamics and friendship breakups to parenting advice and health and wellness—there’s something every listener will enjoy. Also, don’t forget to stay updated with the DM shop to check out all of our newest arrivals! “Ride” Bisexual Girlfriend hat, anyone? Feels appropriate.