If You Hate Your Job, Your Toxic Work Bestie Is Probably Why. ‘What We Said’ Explores Workplace Friendships

You know that one coworker who makes the day bearable—the one you swap eye-rolls with in meetings, share snacks with at your desk, and send memes to during Zoom calls? That’s the magic of a work bestie. But sometimes the line between fun and toxic gets blurry. Is your office BFF actually a supportive ride-or-die, or just a walking red flag in business casual?

On What We Said, best friends and cohosts Jaci Marie Smith and Chelsey Jade Curtis dig into the chaos of workplace friendships, reading listener-submitted horror stories and unpacking all the drama that comes with them. Whether you’ve got a coworker who hypes you up or one who leaves you drained, this convo is basically a handbook for figuring out if your corporate twin flame is helping you thrive—or holding you back.

Toxic Work Bestie: How to See the Red Flags

The attention vampire

We all know the type. The coworker who needs to be the center of every joke, every conversation, every moment in the room. At first, it can feel harmless—even fun. But when their craving for validation starts hijacking meetings, projects, or worse, relationships with students or clients, it’s more than annoying. It’s draining.

One listener shares a story about “Emma,” a teacher who spiraled from wanting attention to flat-out sabotaging colleagues. Think: calling out kids in front of others, spreading fake invites, and even interrupting private student conversations to demand the spotlight. The vibe went from quirky to toxic real quick.

“I just can’t imagine how frustrating that would be to work with someone insufferable, and you’re just like, I’m trapped,” Smith says. And she’s not exaggerating. Research shows that even witnessing incivility at work can kill productivity and turn your brain into a TikTok scroll of what-ifs. That’s why boundaries matter here. Document patterns, keep receipts, and—if you can—limit how much access they have to your day. You don’t owe anyone unlimited attention, especially someone who’s weaponizing it.

The chaos generator

Drama in your workplace isn’t always subtle. Some people don’t just stir the pot—they own the kitchen sink. That’s the chaos generator: someone who makes the 9-to-5 feel like a never-ending improv show where the rules change daily.

At a daycare, one listener reveals how she dealt with a coworker who had already run off six co-teachers in two years. She lied about who did what, stole credit for others’ work, and even tried to serve infants expired bottles. When the listener pushed back—“Hey, that bottle’s expired”—the coworker stared right back and said, “I don’t really care.” And yes, according to Parents, expired formula really can make a baby sick.

Another listener described a stylist at a salon who showed up to work maybe 17 days out of the three months employed. Her excuses became wild—grandma was in the hospital, she was safeguarding a child, her cousin was chasing her in a murder plot. But when background checks were done, the stories fell apart.

Why does this matter beyond the headline drama? Because unpredictable coworkers do more than give you whiplash. Research shows witnessing rudeness at work makes people perform worse, avoid tasks, and mentally spiral. In one set of experiments, people who simply observed nasty behavior scored lower on subsequent tasks—even though it had nothing to do with them.

When a chaos generator is wrecking your workflow, the smartest play is to focus on what you can control. Mute or snooze them if you need a breather, keep a clear record so the facts speak for themselves, and lean on leadership early instead of waiting for the mess to snowball. 

The trash-talk loop

There’s arguably nothing worse than thinking you did the right thing, only to find out your coworkers dragged you the second you walked out the door. That’s the trash-talk loop: gossip that keeps circling back and warping the narrative until you’re the villain in a story you didn’t sign up for.

One listener lived it while working as a server. She stayed two and a half hours past her shift to help a slammed restaurant, then left with her manager’s blessing. By the next day, both that same manager and another server were roasting her in the kitchen, telling coworkers she’d bailed and left them hanging. “I actually felt my whole body fill with anger as I missed plans with my boyfriend to help them,” she says. Luckily, the kitchen staff defended her.

Smith points out that it has to be the “perfect storm” of “the worst combination of people at a workplace” for it to be toxic. Psych experts actually have a name for that: the toxic triangle—basically when a messy boss, a few hype-men, and a culture that looks the other way all link up. That’s when gossip loops go feral and rudeness goes off the rails, slashing teamwork in half and making people way less likely to back each other up. 

The way through isn’t playing detective on every rumor, but keeping time stamps when things cross a line, pulling in HR or a manager before it festers, and protecting your own headspace like it’s part of the job. Steer clear of the loop when you can and remember, you don’t have to subscribe to someone else’s gossip reel. 

Want to catch the rest of the conversation? Tune into What We Said with Jaci Marie and Chelsey Jade.

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