How Long Is Too Long to Date F*ck Boys? ‘Everybody’s Crazy’ Has the Answer

You’re up at 2 a.m., scrolling through Instagram, staring at his story where he’s clearly out with someone else, but somehow you’re still holding onto the three-word text he sent you last Tuesday. We’ve all been there—caught in the gravitational pull of someone who gives just enough attention to keep you hooked but never enough to actually call it a relationship.

There’s something almost magnetic about the chaos, isn’t there? The unpredictability, the thrill of wondering if tonight’s the night he’ll finally text back, the way your friends simultaneously roll their eyes and lean in when you start another story with “So, he finally responded…” It’s intoxicating until it’s exhausting, and most of us have ridden that rollercoaster way longer than we care to admit.

But here’s the thing nobody talks about: there’s actually an expiration date on this behavior. Not his—yours. On Everybody’s Crazy, hosts Savannah James and April McDaniel get real about the timeline. “Every girl is in love in some capacity with a f*ck boy…that’s okay,” McDaniel says. “But don’t be doing it at 28—28 is crazy.” So if you’ve ever wondered when it’s time to officially hang up your f*ck boy jersey, this one’s for you.

What even is a f*ck boy?

According to the internet’s most brutally honest dictionary, Urban Dictionary, a f*ck boy is “a boy who plays with girls feelings and doesn’t really like them and would do [or] say anything a girl wants to hear to have sex with them or to get something they want.” The entry continues with almost prophetic accuracy: “Once they are a fuck boy, they always will be a f*ck boy. If you know a guy is a f*ck boy, don’t fall for him.”

Harsh? Maybe. Accurate? Unfortunately, yes.

But there’s actually some legitimate psychology behind this phenomenon. Specialist psychologist Lauren Heywood explained to Fashion Journal that f*ck boys often fall into specific attachment style categories, typically stemming from “a history of f*ck boy behaviours being modelled by f*ck boy mums or f*ck boy dads, to little baby f*ck boys while they’re growing up.” Their signature hot-and-cold behavior represents “a desire to be close with someone but an inability to know how to effectively let emotional barriers down or a particular discomfort with being vulnerable.”

In other words, these aren’t just guys being intentionally awful. Many are operating from their own emotional damage, using what Heywood calls an “arsenal of skills that, if you were none the wiser, you would consider to be actual signs of affection and interest.” They’re essentially emotional alchemists, mixing just enough genuine moments with strategic unavailability to create a bewitching cocktail of confusion.

Signs you’re dealing with a modern f*ck boy

The modern f*ck boy has weaponized digital communication—mastering the art of the perfectly timed “thinking about you” text while simultaneously keeping you at arm’s length. They’re not quite the bad boy (who at least owns their drama) and they’re definitely not the player (who’s usually upfront about their intentions). Instead, they exist in this gray area of plausible deniability, where every mixed signal can be explained away and every disappointment can be blamed on miscommunication.

Think of them as emotional vampires with really good jawlines and an impressive knowledge of which Drake lyrics will hit at 1 a.m. They’ve perfected what McDaniel calls making it “look cute”—you get caught up thinking “Oh my God, it’s so much fun,” until reality hits. Then, as James points out, “the sh*t sucks, and you pick yourself up and be like, ‘Imma do that again.'” It’s this exact cycle that makes them so insidious.

Why we get hooked (and keep going back)

There’s science behind the loop, and it reads like a messy ex-romance. Toxic relationships are biochemically addictive. Your brain treats those rare moments of connection—late-night flirty texts, the midnight “wyd”—like a hit of dopamine mixed with oxytocin. That emotional high sticks with you harder than the crash from the lows.

Research shows this back-and-forth is more common than we admit. More than 60 percent of adults have been in an on-again, off-again relationship, and psychologist Kale Monk found that people who cycle through breakups and makeups report higher levels of anxiety and depression. The pattern takes a toll even when other life stressors are factored out.

So, why do we return to someone who makes us miserable? Part of it comes down to how the brain processes reward. Psychologists point to something called intermittent reinforcement, which is the same mechanism slot machines use to keep people hooked. When affection shows up randomly, it feels more powerful, and your brain starts chasing the next “win.” That unpredictable text or sudden show of interest gets amplified, while the letdowns fade into the background.

There’s also comfort in the familiar. If your nervous system has learned that love feels unstable, a steady relationship can register as “boring” rather than safe. That wiring makes delusion feel normal and security feel foreign. It’s not about weakness—it’s about conditioning, and the loop keeps spinning until you learn to see it for what it is.

So, when should you stop dating f*ck boys?

There’s no universal calendar reminder that dings and tells you, “Time’s up.” But as McDaniel says, “Don’t be doing it at 28.” It’s not a law, but a boundary (and a fully developed frontal lobe). The point is that there comes a time when unpredictability isn’t exciting anymore. It’s just draining. At some point, you have to ask what these guys are actually adding to your life. If every interaction leaves you second-guessing, overanalyzing, or waiting for crumbs, that’s not a relationship—it’s a distraction. The temporary rush isn’t worth the emotional hangover that follows.

This is where McDaniel’s bigger question comes in: How do you want to experience love? Not just the label, not just the Instagram-worthy moments, but the day-to-day reality. Do you want ease, or do you want to live in constant guesswork? The truth is, f*ck boys thrive on uncertainty, but real relationships thrive on clarity. If what you want is consistency, respect, and someone who actually shows up for you, then keeping a f*ck boy around works directly against your goals. There’s no shame in having been there—most of us have—but there’s also no prize for staying longer than you need to.

How to break the f*ck boy cycle

So, you’ve decided you’re done with the f*ck boy era. Congratulations—now comes the hard part—actually meaning it. Because here’s what nobody warns you about: Your brain is going to fight you on this decision. Those neural pathways you’ve been carving for months or years don’t just disappear overnight.

The first step is getting brutally honest about your own patterns. What draws you to these guys in the first place? Is it the challenge? The validation that comes from “winning” someone difficult? The way uncertainty makes your heart race? Once you identify what you’re actually chasing, you can start finding healthier ways to meet those needs.

The second step is cutting off the supply. That means deleting his number, muting his Instagram, and resisting the urge to “accidentally” check his stories. The more you keep those little hits of contact around, the longer your brain stays hooked on the loop. Out of sight really does help speed up out of mind.

From there, it’s about replacement. Not just with another person, but with habits, friends, and routines that reinforce what stability feels like. Text the girlie who hypes you up, go on a date with someone who actually plans ahead, or just fill your evenings with things that make you feel grounded instead of anxious. Every time you choose consistency over chaos, you’re rewiring those neural pathways in your favor.

For more insights from James and McDaniel, tune into Everybody’s Crazy, streaming now wherever you get your podcasts.

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